tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76962797510178495652024-03-14T10:11:22.392-05:00Our Family BlogStephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.comBlogger391125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-59189287264904698302014-02-05T16:45:00.004-06:002014-02-05T16:45:55.529-06:00We Have A New BlogOur picture space on this blog is used up, so we have created a new one! Here's the link. <br />
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<a href="http://burdickfamilyblogtwo.blogspot.com/">http://burdickfamilyblogtwo.blogspot.com/</a><br />
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-25670354296225177622013-12-01T23:49:00.000-06:002013-12-02T00:49:54.244-06:00Three Months OldCharlotte is 3 months old (in 2 days). I weighed her today, and she is 20 pounds, 10 ounces! Wow! That's 5 pounds this month. She's been spitting up a bunch still too, but she obviously is getting enough despite that. I set up her exersaucer yesterday, she loves it! She's nearly too heavy for her swing, but she does still like it some, so I'm keeping it out for now. I will enjoy putting it away though, it's really in the way! But it's often what helps her nap, though she takes about half her naps in her crib now. <br />
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Dawson is doing great! We had his IEP meeting in November, and they had great things to say about him. He's having none of the behavior issues he had last year. All of his goals and things he wasn't getting at the end of the year, we worked on all summer, and he now has them mastered. Rhyming was a big one. They cut his para support hours in half, because he just doesn't need it. He has become very independent, he just needs some help getting started, and then he gets all his work done. He understands the work, much of it is still stuff he already knows. He's also very interested in learning, and comes home with questions about phrases, words and meanings, and other things. We also get corrected. He had a shirt with a spider on it, and he asked me why he has a spider on his shirt. I told him they wanted to make an animal shirt, so they put a spider on it. He said "No mom, it's an INSECT shirt!". He loves playing Mario on the Wii, and watching Curious George in his free time. <br />
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A painting Dawson brought home from school! I was impressed.<br />
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They had a binder of these to look at during conferences. I thought it was so sweet that Dawson put down Gabriel as his friend. :)</div>
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Dawson ate a new food! This has happened more often lately, and hopefully it will continue! Meatballs! He will now eat spaghetti O's with mini meatballs. So exciting! This is the first beef product he's even tried, and he's eaten it many times now. <br />
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Gabriel, who has been my sweet, easy-going child, seems to have flipped a switch. He's 2 1/2 now, and throwing tantrums about everything. Pulling hair, hitting, biting, scratching. Fighting bedtime for hours, which has never been an issue. This kid used to be so easy! I'd say goodnight and he'd walk himself to bed. He's also fighting mealtimes, even though he's hungry and loves what we're having. He's just being so blatantly stubborn, it's so frustrating. I know it's just a phase, it will end. Hopefully soon. Those 3's are tough though, so I'm bracing myself! <br />
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Doesn't help that I'm still having hormone issues. They were crazy during my pregnancy, and they haven't leveled out at all. I still have a super short fuse, and get irritable so fast. Not a good mix. I'm going to ask my OB if there's something to help with that, because it's getting difficult to deal with. Almost worse than it was when she was born. I was fine for a couple months, but it's gotten worse again. Very frustrating. So my patience is not holding up with the tantrums, and it's just not a great mix. This month was a hard one as well. Last year I was find once the anniversary passed. This year it took a couple extra weeks to climb out of that black hole of depression and feel somewhat normal again. Now I'm feeling ok, other than the raging hormones. It's been fun doing some Christmas shopping. <br />
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Dawson had the week off school, so that doesn't help with the patience. It's been stretched more than usual this week! He was great for about half the week, and then he started having issues. He doesn't do well being off routine for very long. We went to The Works museum on Monday, which was very fun. Basic science concepts, both boys loved it. Tuesday we went to Bounce Adventure, a bouncy house place. Wednesday we went to the Rainbow play systems place. They have 6 indoor playgrounds set up, and a trampoline. So we were able to go wear off some energy most days of the week, and they loved it. Thursday we went to my mom's house for Thanksgiving. Friday and the weekend we mostly stayed home. Today (Sunday), we did get groceries and the boys and I got haircuts. I'm looking forward to getting back into routine though. <br />
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Napping in the swing<br />
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She likes sitting on the couch, watching her brothers</div>
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Gabriel's new shoes! I thought these were really cute. The headlights and taillights even light up, which is very handy after dark!<br />
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Dawson's school picture. I hadn't planned on getting school pics, so I didn't have him wear anything special. Yet they sent me a big picture anyway!<br />
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The boys cuddled up watching PBS kids cartoons on the ipad. I love these moments, they don't have them often. I was in the kitchen zooming in on them so they wouldn't see me before I got the pic! <br />
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Gabriel likes sitting in Charlotte's chair, and then he gets up and tries to walk with it. Doesn't always go well.<br />
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He figured it out though.<br />
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Gabriel likes to sleep with many toys. Under the stuffed horses, there are many hard plastic horses. I try to sneak them out after he's asleep, because he moves all over the place and wakes up if he gets scratched by a hard toy! <br />
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Big healthy baby!<br />
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Her exersaucer. We got this for my baby shower, it was fun putting it together! I've never had brand new baby stuff before, other than car seats and a crib, everything has been used. I like putting stuff together. Gabriel had fun helping me, and running off with the pieces.<br />
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She was very intrigued<br />
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She likes the stripes.<br />
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Figuring out how to reach the toys. She's still working on getting her arms to do what she wants. She can reach out and play with toys, but it still takes a lot of work to get it right!<br />
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Yay, she got it!<br />
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The boys loved the box, of course.<br />
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Our group at The Works museum. Minus Dawson, he was off playing.</div>
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This harp was played with sensor lights around the frame. Was really neat! <br />
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Watching water go up the tube as he turned it</div>
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The boys both loved this racing ramp. </div>
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Donated my hair today! As you can see (mostly) in the last pic, my hair was down to my butt. They were going to take 10 inches, but ended up taking more. It's several inches shorter than what she said it would be. It felt much shorter than this at first, but I'm getting used to it. I had Dawson take this pic. It looks longer than it feels! It's always weird getting used to it shorter. I donated it every 1-2 years usually, but since I started coloring it in 2011, I couldn't. They recently changed the rules though, and they do accept colored hair. That was my one thing I was holding off coloring it for, so now I don't feel as guilty. :)</div>
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Charlotte on Thanksgiving. My mom had fun dressing her up after she got her last outfit all wet.</div>
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Cousins!</div>
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The boys being silly. They switched car seats after we got home, they thought they were quite hilarious. </div>
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Dawson had lots of fun playing Mario with a friend this week. He's been really wanting someone to play 2 player with him. Other than me. Friends are more fun.</div>
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Gabriel is having growing pains again. He's been to the chiropractor 3 times in 10 days, and he's getting more loosened up, but still not quite there. He was really having a hard time the other night. Screaming in pain, stumbling. I had to give him pain meds and do some stretches with him, then he was better and fell asleep. He fell asleep on this bench, but woke up crying a few times, and it took another dose once I put him to bed for him to get through it. The last couple days have been much better. He has grown so much, he went up another pants size. The dr said last time that he was surprised at how much he's been growing, it's not the usual pace for a 2 year old. Poor kiddo! I feel so helpless when he's screaming in pain. </div>
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Charlotte enjoying the jumperoo at Bounce Adventure, while the boys played on the bouncy houses. She was amused by the toys.</div>
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Monthly car seat picture. She decided to ham it up and give a smile. :)</div>
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Still plenty of growing room, thankfully! Thankful I got this seat, so she'd get through the winter all snug and warm. It goes up to 35 pounds too, so we should be good. In theory. ;)</div>
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Monthly comparisons </div>
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Gabriel has been running out of his room every night, so I finally put up this gate tonight. I got rid of our doorway baby gates, because he was such an awesome, easy kid! I didn't figure I'd need them anymore. He can open the door, even with door knob covers. They don't even slow him down. The gate sure does though! </div>
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Some emotional things coming up, with our 3rd Christmas without Tyler, and also Charlotte's 4 month well baby checkup. Always stressful, that was the appt Tyler was diagnosed at. It's a bit irrational, since the chances of it being at the same time would be so slim. It's just a milestone, even though every well child check is almost as stressful for the same reason. Hoping Christmas will go well, I'm actually excited for some things this year, so I'm hopeful that it will be a good holiday. I'm casually picking up gifts here and there, I'm nearly done. We try to keep holidays as stress-free as possible. We don't really spend a ton, but sometimes we will get a bigger family gift. We don't do Santa, we only do a few gifts each, and we mostly focus on family. I'm actually looking forward to decorating the tree. Last year we got the tree up, it had lights, but that was it. I had no motivation to do any more. Hoping this year we will be able to get more into it. </div>
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-46499990859844075802013-11-05T23:04:00.001-06:002013-11-05T23:04:59.878-06:00Two Months, Two YearsCharlotte is 2 months old! I see newborns everywhere lately, and I realize how much she's grown! She's getting so big. She is now 15 pounds, 8 ounces, which is off the charts for her age. Dr was very pleased, and says she's a big, healthy baby. Yay! They didn't get her length measured correctly. She wouldn't straighten out for them. She's now wearing 6-9mo shirts, and 3-6mo pants and sleepers. She's not quite tall enough for the 6-9 sleepers, but she's close. She figured out how to sit up the other day. I had her propped up in her boppy, to keep her from spitting up, and she threw herself forward until she was sitting. She doesn't have the core strength to hold the position, but she's very happy with herself when she does it. She doesn't roll much, only when she needs to. She smiles more, and is starting to laugh. She tries to reach for things, but doesn't have much control over where those arms are going yet. She coos and squawks a lot too. <br />
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Sitting in her seat. I brought it out tonight so she can sit there while we ate. She was so happy about that. Gabriel was happy to entertain her. <br />
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All my boys have done this! They manage to get in, but they can't get out. Good thing it has a removable tray!<br />
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Charlotte and all her rolls. :)<br />
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Oh wait, there's some more rolls! Back fat only looks cute on babies. </div>
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She's in the middle of a growth spurt, so she will sprout upwards soon and level some of that out. <br />
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Happy baby<br />
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Smiles!<br />
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She was talking and cooing<br />
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Laughing a bit<br />
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More coos<br />
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I attempted the flower again. She's not big on accessories. I can only manage them for pics, and that's usually one pic at a time before she gets mad!<br />
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I love these tights, with the coloring that looks like shoes. I don't put shoes on them before they walk, so I was happy to see these! She can be cute and comfy at the same time. :)<br />
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Gabriel <br />
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His mischief look<br />
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I told Dawson to smile<br />
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Then I started just talking to him. <br />
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We went to a special needs Halloween thing, and Charlotte wore a lady bug costume someone gave us. She got many compliments! The boys loved being there too, that crowd of families are always so much more open and understanding than regular people. It's always nice going to events for special needs families, they are less judging and more accepting of the little quirks, noises and outbursts our kids have. </div>
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Gabriel decided to try skating around the house. He did good, until he nearly did the splits, then he wanted to be done.<br />
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I love this cute little dress! <br />
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This was the first time she sat up on her own. She had her arms up and looked so determined!</div>
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She sometimes tolerates sitting in her rocker chair. For short amounts of time. Sometimes she will take a short nap in it.<br />
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Often she naps on the couch, but she is squirming and rolling more, so she doesn't get to much anymore unless I'm sitting next to her.<br />
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My monthly car seat picture. I think it's the easiest way to compare how big she's gotten. I took the head support out, since she outgrew it. I'm glad I bought a big, roomy infant car seat! I want her to last the winter in it, since it's warmer because I can put a cover on it. My goal is the beginning of April. <br />
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1 month<br />
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Newborn<br />
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Nov 2nd was 2 years since we lost Tyler. Part of me can't believe it's been 2 years. But in many ways it feels like much longer. Sometimes it feels like it was all a bad dream. Grieving can damage the hippocampus, part of the brain, which stores memory, both long and short term. After he died, I had a hard time remembering things. I couldn't remember what he was like as a baby, or many things from just a year before. I've had to look at pictures, and that reminded me of many things. Less than 6 months ago, I started remembering things that weren't in pictures. It has helped that some have told me little stories of what they remember. I was so embarrassed that I couldn't even remember certain things about my own child, but they did. I remember more each time I look through all the pictures. I also realized what little I remember of Dawson too. All of Tyler's bad memories were more vivid than everything else. Finally that is starting to even out, and it helps. I think the trauma can block things out for a while. I also have a hard time with short term memory. The kitchen timer will go off, and I will forget I heard it, or the kids will ask for something and I will finish what I'm doing and forget that they'd asked for something. It's not all the time, but it's enough to be very annoying! Part of it could be 'new mom brain', but it's a bit worse at times.<br />
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October has been difficult. Those days leading up to the anniversary are so hard. All the memories from certain days. Even if we aren't thinking about it, our subconscious knows and I'm in a funk. Then I look it up and realize it was a big day, like the day he was intubated, or the day we were told he was going to die. Dawson's behavior gets worse. Last year he regressed in speech, he was talking baby babble and things that made no sense for a while. This year I noticed a few speech issues, but mostly behavior. Things we moved past in the last year have come back. They will go away again, hopefully soon! It is frustrating, and while dealing with my own grief, and a new baby, I need to remind myself that he isn't acting out on purpose. He is just having a hard time too. Gabriel has been acting out as well, I'm sure it's probably the mood in the air. I doubt he remembers anything, he was 7 months old, but they are affected when everyone is in a bad mood. <br />
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It's hard not to wonder what it would be like, with 4 kids. I see kids who are where Dawson and Tyler should be now, or Tyler and Gabriel. I can't imagine him as an almost 5 year old, he will always be 2 1/2. I was talking to our Dr's nurse, who also lost her son to cancer, and she was saying the same thing. It's nice to have people to talk to. The childhood cancer grief group I started 2 years ago at the end of the month now has almost 500 people in it. That has been very supportive, and so sad that so many are dealing with this as well. <br />
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It's also hard knowing all my kids will never be in the same picture.<br />
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I try to remember these moments, all the happy ones, which are many! He had fun wherever we were.</div>
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All the fun we had at parks, playing outdoors, making the most of what we had.</div>
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That contagious grin that kept me going through everything.<br />
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His sweet little self, he was so cuddly and adorable!<br />
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His strength, despite everything he endured, he still managed to be tough, especially with his brother by his side. There was a noticeable difference when Dawson was around. <br />
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Someday... it just doesn't seem soon enough.</div>
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Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-68992150165782025512013-10-04T22:48:00.000-05:002013-10-04T22:48:24.971-05:00One Month OldThese newborn days go so fast! Despite being exhausted and having a colicky baby, it's still going too fast. Charlotte is 1 month old now, and 13 pounds. She's in size 2 diapers and I've started switching over to 3-6 month clothes. Much of her 0-3 is getting too small, except the pants. Getting bigger every day! We found that Colic Calm gripe water helps a lot with the colic, but she's still quite fussy some days. Sometimes for hours straight, but usually not more than a couple. We've all been enjoying the newborn snuggles, even the boys! They are still handling the transition very well. Sometimes her crying stresses them out a bit, especially Dawson. He has a hard time with loud noises. <br />
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A nice sight, the boys playing together! <br />
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Charlotte cuddling Daddy so I could get something done<br />
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My monkey on the back of the couch. Again. I could spend half my day getting him down from there. <br />
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Sleepy baby<br />
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She liked being with Daddy for a while. Until she heard my voice. Actually caught a bit of a smile there. <br />
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One month old!<br />
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Right after I took this pic, she rolled over! <br />
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Managed to get them all in one picture<br />
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She was crying, so Gabriel was trying to comfort her</div>
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I attempted to get one of them together sitting up. <br />
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One left the scene and Charlotte was crying. Dawson was bouncing her a bit. He's so good with her! Until she gets too loud for him to handle, then he starts freaking out, but he does good with waiting until I get her from him. <br />
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She was finally calming down<br />
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So I got Gabriel back in the pic, and then she got mad again! They were both talking to her, trying to calm her down. Such awesome brothers!<br />
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Snoozing on the couch, her common spot to nap.<br />
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Gabriel<br />
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Dawson was holding her after school today. He talks to her and everything, it's so cute.<br />
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Proud big brother<br />
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Dawson made popcorn, mostly by himself today!<br />
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Gabriel has a new-found obsession with trains.<br />
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One month old in her car seat<br />
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2 days old, coming home from the hospital. Wow that's a difference! <br />
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I've been feeling great, as recovery goes. I'm back to wearing my old jeans. I dropped 21 pounds in the first couple weeks, and I've stayed there since, but my pants keep getting looser, so I guess that's good! This is the first time I've been back in my jeans in the first month. I think we've just been so busy with appointments and dealing with the kids. By the time Gabriel was a month old, we were already living at the hospital, which isn't really an active lifestyle! I've been enjoying the school year so far, mostly for the mom groups that have started back up again. It's been nice to get out and talk to people I know. Mostly, I'm completely exhausted. She's a fairly good sleeper, but her fussiness during the day is very wearing. I've had a headache for about a week and I'm not really getting anything done. Getting out of the house a few days per week has been refreshing. I'm glad to be able to do that! <br />
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Dawson is doing great with his sticker chart. He needs 5 more to earn the Children's Museum, and he can potentially earn 3 per day, so he is close! He's been doing pretty good in school. They are seeing some behaviors, but not too bad. He's been doing great with his homework. He brings some home twice a week and they work on it during his Autism therapy after school. His handwriting is so much better this year, and he's been blowing through those worksheets. So far they haven't sent home anything he doesn't already know. <br />
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Gabriel has been saying so many things. His vocabulary is expanding daily and he seems so big! I just switched out his clothes, so he's in 3T shirts now. His 2T pants aren't going to last much longer either. He loves going to ECFE class and he's been doing great at my moms groups. Last year he wasn't a big fan of the childcare rooms, but this year he runs right in there to play. He's been playing with animals and trains mostly. He still loves his rocking horse! He plays on it everyday.<br />
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We also just got this slide from craigslist. We had a smaller cube slide, but they outgrew it. It's good for them to have something to climb on, especially Dawson, so I was very excited to find this for a good deal. They are loving it! <br />
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Charlotte and Kale. It's so exciting for the kids to have a cousin to see at gatherings. I'm especially excited to see these two grow and interact. Kale is 2 1/2 months older than her. So cute!<br />
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Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-67062782863786406102013-09-19T23:29:00.000-05:002013-09-19T23:30:14.760-05:00Welcome Charlotte! The short version:<br />
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Charlotte Yvonne was born on September 3rd at 7:18pm after almost 8 hours of labor. She weighed 8 pounds, 15 ounces and was 18 inches long. She had a mild heart arrhythmia, slightly low blood sugar and some jaundice. All which corrected themselves shortly after birth. She's been a great baby! <br />
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The long version (if you don't want details, just look at the pics):<br />
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I was scheduled to be induced at 11am. I got Dawson off for his first day of school. He was excited to go, and to be coming home to grandma at the end of the day. He was also excited to be wearing his new Mario shirt. <br />
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Waiting by the door<br />
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He got to the bus, turned around and yelled "take another picture, mom!"<br />
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On our way out the door. We went to Ihop for a nice big breakfast. Was nice to spend some time just the two of us. Especially since it was also our anniversary! I didn't want to start the day hungry and I knew it would be a while before I got to eat again. <br />
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We got to the hospital at 11am and got all settled in. My OB came in at 11:30, just as the nurse was finishing up all my admissions stuff. My IV was in, and was very sore. She had some trouble getting it in, despite my good vein. The OB asked if she can break my water. My first thought was NO! With my other inductions, it was hours before they did that. But I'd also never gotten to the hospital at 3cm dilated and thinned out either. She said I'm already skipped ahead to the point where she can easily get to it. It's amusing that while I realized I was in there and wanted her out, I was hesitant to jump right in and get to the painful stuff. It was always uncomfortable before when they broke my water, but it was painless this time. I stayed in bed for about 20 minutes, turning side to side, trying to get most of the water out so I could get up and get things going. <br />
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We had a really great nurse, my doula said she's one of the more laid back nurses on the unit. She put me on a portable monitor so we could walk around. We walked the halls for quite a while. The nurse had me lay down to be monitored more every now and then, but I mostly was able to walk around. The contractions really picked up quickly as I was walking. My doula, Amie, got there around 1pm as planned and walked with us. She is a friend I've known for several years and became a doula a couple years ago. Her website is <a href="http://www.bellytobabymn.com/">www.bellytobabymn.com</a>, if you're interested in her services or want to know more about what a doula is. It was nice having someone else to talk to while walking. It really passed the time quickly. I'm really unsure of the time past when she got there. I didn't want to focus on it at all, the other 3 took 14+ hours and I didn't want to be discouraged. <br />
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They checked for dilation around 4:30 I think, and I was at a 4. I was a tad bummed, but not surprised. We decided to stay in the room after that. Amie had me rock in the rocking chair, which was quite comfortable. We watched the news, which wasn't too exciting, but it was something to watch for a while. Being in bed during contractions was more painful. By this point, they were getting more painful and much closer together. I don't know what natural contractions are like, I've only heard that Pitocin induced contractions are much worse. They were getting pretty painful, and Amie told me they were about as bad as they'd get. She was wiping my forehead with a wet rag that had some soothing scent on it, and then had me breathe it in after the contraction, that was very helpful. She also had me stand up, lean on her and swayed back and forth during tough contractions, which also helped quite a bit. <br />
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I was getting pretty sore back muscles and things were harder to work through, so she had me soak in the tub for a while. I did that once earlier in the day and it was nice. So I got in the tub and it felt so good on my muscles. They have a renovated birthing unit, so the tubs are all new jetted whirlpool tubs. It was nice to relax (as much as one can while having contractions) and enjoy the tub. After not long at all, I was feeling some pressure. I had an epidural with my other 3, so this was all new to me. I got it when things started getting tough, and it was smooth sailing from there. So I was trying to figure out if it was pressure on my tailbone, or if I was needing to use the bathroom, or if I was starting to feel urges to push. My tailbone has been causing me pain since Tyler broke it during his birth and it gets worse during pregnancies. Amie was also asking me what I was feeling. With the next contraction it was more obvious. She told me to get out of the tub once my contraction settled down. I started to get up and there was another one right on top of it. I heard her tell Dan "if we don't get her out of this tub...." I jokingly asked her if they allow water births here, and she said no. So I ended up fighting the next contraction and getting out of the tub. I did another contraction on the toilet before moving to the bed. I was so focused on getting to the bed without injury that I barely noticed Amie offer me my gown. I got to the bed and they checked for dilation. 9 1/2. <br />
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Amie told me I should get back up out of bed and work through the next 1/2 cm. I was feeling unsure about this, since I was feeling so much pressure. But I figured she knew best what she was talking about. So I stood up just as another contraction hit, and I leaned on her for support. Almost immediately after it started, I was pushing, really hard! I couldn't even stop myself. I told her I was pushing and needed to get back in bed, so I got back in and laid down. The nurses were still standing around looking doubtful. I was pushing again with the next contraction also. A nurse peeked and saw her head crowning. Then people started moving. One urgently said to get the Dr in here, while the others were throwing on gloves and looking nervous. Everything was all a blur at that point. I saw a bunch of nurses standing around, but mostly I was concentrated on the baby and where she was. I had heard it helps to visualize where the baby is. Then I switched to being focused on how much it was going to hurt and then sudden anxiety about tearing, and what it was going to feel like, and how bad it was going to be since nothing was numb. This made everything much worse and the anxiety was taking over. I was fighting the pushes and that hurt even worse. Finally the Dr spoke up and had my attention. She said "you know you have big babies, so you need to push harder!" So I focused and decided she just needed to get out so this could all be over! It was uncomfortable, because they never had time to break down the bed, so I didn't have a place to put my feet/legs. Once I focused, I think I had her out in a few good pushes. It really didn't take long! They said the whole pushing process took under 5 minutes. <br />
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They put her on my chest and I noticed her face was bruised. Tyler's was also, so I figured she was pretty big. She wasn't even fussing much, she was just looking at me and I was looking back at her in awe. I was also so exhausted that I was feeling a bit shaky and out of breath from it all. <br />
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The Dr told me it was time to cut the cord. Dan has never wanted to, so I decided it would be neat to do it this time. But she was laying on my chest, and I really couldn't see over her, and I was still trying to catch my breath. I told them I couldn't see it and someone else could. Dan decided he would. So he cut the cord, and then when it came time to trim it shorter, they asked if I wanted to do that part. I'm glad we both got to do it. She even helped me by grabbing the handle of the scissors with me. <br />
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Finally some time with less people around. She still hadn't left my chest. She had nursed perfectly and settled down to cuddle some more. <br />
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Got her put on the scale and checked out. 8 pounds, 15 ounces. 18 inches long. She also had an EKG for her heart, she was born with an arrhythmia and they often will wait and see if it goes away, but I told them I'd prefer checking into it now instead of waiting. The Dr on call was from our small clinic, so he knew who we were and ordered one up for us. They found nothing concerning, and within a few days they didn't even notice it anymore. Many just correct themselves with maturity after birth. So glad it wasn't a big deal. It's hard not to be worried about things after we've seen so many things wrong with babies while we were in the ICU with Tyler. So we are very thankful that she looks great! Her blood sugar was also a tad low, so they waited to bathe her and we had to test her before she ate. That was frustrating, because when baby wants to nurse, I want to be able to feed her. Instead I had to wait longer than we should for the nurse to come in and test her. For not being busy on the unit, they really take a long time to even answer the call button! Thankfully by morning her levels had gone up to normal and she didn't have to be poked anymore. <br />
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Daddy and Charlotte<br />
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We had a bath together in the morning. She loved it! Got her all cleaned up and then let her soak and enjoy herself for a while. <br />
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So relaxed and happy. You can see how bruised she was! Her whole forehead and her right cheek and the outsides of her arms. Poor baby. <br />
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She loves having her head rubbed. I can often get a smile when I do this, even the morning after she was born I did! <br />
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Cuddling with me the morning after she was born. She's such a snuggler and so calm. She only fusses if she needs something. </div>
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The picture lady came in, so we got to put her in pink! So fun.</div>
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My mom brought the kids to visit the day after she was born. Dawson was excited to meet her and wanted to hold her right away. <br />
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He gave her hugs and was very happy with her. Gabriel checked out the room first. There was water outside and he wanted to see boats. <br />
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After Dawson was done, Gabriel came over and held her. He likes babies. <br />
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He was very excited to have a baby of our own <br />
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Dawson kicked off his shoes and made himself at home. It's just what we do, right? He was confused about leaving, though didn't object. <br />
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The next day we got to bring her home. They look so tiny in the car seat as newborns! <br />
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Gabriel has absolutely loved having a baby in the house. He cuddles her every day and gives her lots of kisses. Every day I let her hold him on the boppy by himself and he gets so excited. He's very gentle with her too, it's the cutest thing ever! She was 3 days old in this pic.</div>
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Baby cuddles! She had gone to the hospital for a lab apt to check for jaundice. She was a bit jaundice at first, so we had a couple appts to check, but it has gone down without needing extra care. </div>
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We went to my sister's wedding when she was 4 days old. It was so much fun dressing her up! She went through a few dresses that day. </div>
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She's still dark from bruising and jaundice. I love those chunky cheeks.<br />
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She prefers sleeping on her side. I love the positions she comes up with.<br />
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She had some tummy troubles, which I'm pretty sure is a dairy intolerance, so I cut dairy from my diet and it has been much better. For a while she was only comfy on her tummy. I'm glad I figured it out quickly. She is otherwise a very good, calm baby. She even sleeps well at night, only waking up a couple times to eat and goes right back to sleep.<br />
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A common sight. Gabriel loves giving her "head hugs" when she's sleeping. He also likes petting her head. He grins so big when he gets to cuddle her.<br />
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First bath at home. She loved it.<br />
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She wasn't a fan of getting out though.<br />
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Thankfully this towel is very soft and comfy! <br />
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Another dress! I don't think dressing her is ever going to get old. ;)<br />
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1 week old, in her swing. <br />
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Napping on mom, her favorite spot. I don't mind at all! This cuddly newborn stage is going to be over too soon. Makes me sad already!<br />
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Her face is getting lighter<br />
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She has some hair in the back too. So soft!<br />
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Gabriel and Charlotte in the rope swing at ECFE class. She is 2 weeks old here. Gabriel was so happy to have her join him in the swing. Was very cute. <br />
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This was her tonight. She is liking this seat. I think it's her new favorite spot (other than me). She had her 2 week checkup 2 days ago and she weighed 10 pounds even and was 22 1/4 inches long. She looks older already, looking back on her pics. They grow so fast! She's in the middle of a growth spurt now. We had an appt today and she had gained 8oz. <br />
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I am feeling awesome. I had no tearing so I didn't need stitches, my first time for that! It's a huge difference. I was able to do much more and didn't even need many pain meds afterward. At only 2 weeks I noticed my maternity pants were about falling off me! No complaints there. I got out my regular clothes and it's so nice to see them again! Usually it takes a couple months before I'm able to get them out. I'm loving having a new baby at home and thrilled that the boys are doing so great with her! Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-63683870749906206052013-08-22T17:57:00.001-05:002013-08-22T17:57:08.725-05:00August<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
August was lots of fun! We went to the community center and swam at their waterpark twice. We also went to the County fair and the Children's Museum! </div>
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They are becoming impressive little swimmers! Gabriel learned how to tread water and keep himself from tipping over while floating with his life vest. Then he figured out how to swim around with his life vest. He barely even needs any help anymore, in fact he keeps pushing my arm away if I try to help him! His newest thing is jumping into the pool. He doesn't even get freaked out when he goes under a bit. He used to hate getting his face wet. Dawson learned to swim around in his life vest. Then he started putting his face under the water. He too really didn't like getting his face wet at all at first! Now it doesn't phase him. He will jump into the pool and go under without issue. He swims around and shoots baskets into the hoop. His newest thing is the big waterslide. He has to be 42in and be able to get off the slide on his own into the pool with no life jacket. He's tall enough, but has never been without a life jacket. So I took it off him and let him go without for a while. He quickly realized how much it helps him swim, and decided to not go on the big waterslide. I love that he can make those decisions on his own. He's very good at deciding what he's comfortable with in many places. Especially rides. So the last time we went, I didn't put his life jacket on at all. He played without and got used to it. We even played in the slightly deeper pool that he can still reach the bottom, which is the same depth as the waterslide pool. He then decided he was going to try it, and he did great! He did the slide over and over for nearly an hour! He was very proud of his newest accomplishment and is always excited to tell all his therapists about where we went on our days off and what he's able to do. </div>
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Dawson is also trying out his first sticker chart. He wants to earn a Mario video game. He's doing pretty good so far. My hope is that he will be motivated by it enough that it motivates him to behave well in school to earn stickers. We had trouble last year finding something that motivates him. So we're doing a trial run this month to show him what it is and he should be earning his reward shortly before school starts, so it will be freshly exciting and he will want to work for his 2nd goal. Hopefully. ;)</div>
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Gabriel loved the pony rides at the fair. </div>
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Dawson did too! We gave them 2 rides each between the horses or camel. Gabriel chose the horses both times, and Dawson chose one of each. <br />
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They also got to hold baby ducks! Dawson loved it and wasn't shy about holding the duck. He was very gentle with it.<br />
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Gabriel didn't want to hold the duck, but was quite happy quacking at it and petting it while Dawson held. They were both very amused. We went back a 2nd time to hold ducks too.<br />
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So soft!<br />
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They also enjoyed the small petting area they had with baby animals. We got to hold and pet a small rabbit. Here Dawson was petting a calf. Gabriel enjoyed learning about baby animals and now knows the names for them as well. He will correct people if they say sheep instead of lamb, or cow instead of calf. It's very cute how much he gets into this stuff!<br />
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Sharing a cone. <br />
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Rides! We got wristbands for both of them. Unfortunately we didn't get much out of Gabriel's. He rode the carousal and these boats and then he decided he didn't want to do any more rides. Last year he did many, so I wasn't expecting him not to like it.<br />
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Poor kiddo. I always feel so bad when they don't like a ride and have to wait it out. :(<br />
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Dawson enjoyed the big slide<br />
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Gabriel thought it was funny putting his face in this picture<br />
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It was even funnier when Dawson did it<br />
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He giggled and pushed Dawson's face out<br />
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Ha, he's out!<br />
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More ducks! Gabriel thought this was quite awesome.<br />
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Gabriel had quacked at the duck and it quacked back. He was very amused.<br />
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Goats! He loved petting the little goats. He pet them all equally, so they didn't feel left out or something. It was very cute.<br />
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Dawson riding the camel for his 2nd ride. He even asked nicely and they let him pet the camel's head after he was done. He did great not just running up and petting it, and asking instead.<br />
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Gabriel's 2nd ride. He rode by himself after a couple rounds. He has great balance. He just doesn't like it when they stop and often side step. Or when they first get on the they're leaning to the side a bit. So I still had to be in there with him, but he was very proud to be able to ride most of the time by himself and see me on the sidelines watching him go by.<br />
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We went to a birthday party in Little Falls and went to their zoo afterward with our friends. It's a very small zoo and they have a petting area with donkeys, sheep and calves. Dawson preferred the sheep, they are neater eaters and don't slobber on or lick his hand. <br />
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Gabriel liked the cows and donkeys best. He got all in there and was fine with them licking his entire hand. He made sure they were all equally fed too! <br />
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Donkeys! He was ecstatic.<br />
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Cute calf<br />
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He loved the donkeys best. He even was ok with not riding them, though a bit bummed. He was happy to feed and pet them.<br />
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This week we went to the Children's Museum. The boys were very excited. They love this place! I wish it wasn't 90 minutes away. I walked past this mirror and had to take a pic. This girl is carrying very low and I'm sticking out further than I was before. I have 3 outfits that still fit me, and they barely fit! Been doing a lot of laundry trying to make sure I have something to wear.<br />
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Dancing! They have a dance room with a blue screen. He's watching the TV which has him dancing with whatever theme he chose around him.<br />
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Gabriel likes the foam blocks room<br />
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Dawson pretending with the cash register<br />
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Colors! Gabriel loves practicing his colors lately. He has many of them down pretty good. <br />
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He's looking so much older lately! He had another growth spurt, which ended us up at the chiro again to adjust his hips that started cracking again. But he's doing great again after just one adjustment and he's starting to wear some of the smaller 3T shirts! Wow.<br />
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A small color room. They got to push 2 buttons at a time and the whole room turned whatever mix of colors they chose.<br />
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The water room! Always a favorite. We were in there for quite a while. <br />
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So concentrated<br />
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Toddler climbing room. They both had a lot of fun in here too. Thankfully it wasn't very busy at all, so it was easier for him to have fun and not worry about getting ran over.<br />
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My camera batter died mid-way through the museum, unfortunately! They also got to attend a short little informational class about rats and pet them afterward. We spent 4 hours at the Children's Museum and they were wiped out afterward. I was wishing I could nap in the car too! <br />
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Everything is going great with this pregnancy so far. I'm making progress, which is new to me. With the last 3 kids I never made any progress before I was induced. This time I've been having contractions when I walk very much. I was 1cm and 50% effaced at 36 weeks, and 3cm at my 37 week checkup today! Very excited to have things happening! On Saturday we plan to go to the State Fair if I'm still feeling up to it. Lots of walking will help things progress even more! It would be great to have this baby on my own and not be induced. Inductions make for harder labors and stronger contractions that don't give you much of a break, so it would be good to go in on my own! Very excited to meet this baby girl!Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-38952992788365318522013-08-22T16:42:00.000-05:002013-08-22T16:42:25.765-05:00Dawson's Birthday and JulyHappy 6th Birthday Dawson! This boy is getting so big and he's come so far! He had a great birthday. He chose pink frosting for his cake and enjoyed blowing out his 6 candles. <br />
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He got one of his favorite games! A therapist has brought this one several times and he was very excited to own it.<br />
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He opened and read all the cards very well. He barely needed help with any of the words.<br />
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Opening gifts is so exciting!<br />
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What's in this one??<br />
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A Toy Story Wii video game!!<br />
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Big cardboard bricks to stack and knock over. A favorite thing to do at ECFE class.<br />
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Yummy snacks<br />
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He was excited to get his Pacman toy too. It's a controller you hook to the TV that has pacman and other similar games on it. <br />
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They played very well with the new games and toys.<br />
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Gabriel was most interested in building towers and knocking them over<br />
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Gabriel has been refusing naps lately, but it's obvious he still needs them. He will often randomly fall asleep in different places. This one was new though. He'd been watching Dawson play the laptop at the counter and decided to climb up there and fall asleep. <br />
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His chair is one of the more common places he falls asleep. He often just plays for most of the day, but when he's tired he will request a movie and he ends up zoning out and falling asleep. <br />
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The boys were very quiet. Too quiet. I went to check on them, expecting to find trouble. I saw this instead. :)<br />
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We went to a HopeKids event at Majestic Hills Ranch in the cities. The boys had fun. They got to ride once around the arena and then we made hats and had lunch they provided. Was nice seeing some families I haven't seen in a while. Gabriel got to ride the pony.<br />
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Dawson got to ride the horse. He hasn't had horse therapy during the summer, so he was happy to get on a horse again. I'm still debating whether to do it this fall or not. I'm not sure how much he really gets into it. Hard to tell if it's worth it or not. <br />
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Gabriel got a couple bead necklaces in the hat making line. He loves playing with those. It kept him entertained the rest of the day! <br />
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Dawson enjoyed making a hat<br />
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Waiting for the glue lady to put the things he chose on his hat.<br />
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Baby shower! A friend asked to throw a shower for me, so that was exciting! I haven't had one since Dawson. I have nothing girly, and my baby stuff is 6 years old and worn after 3 kids. So it was nice to get some new baby things and see some people. Plus I got to hold my nephew again! I don't see him very often. He fell asleep on me. He makes Gabriel look so big! <br />
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Me and my awesome doula friend (<a href="http://www.bellytobabymn.com/">www.bellytobabymn.com</a> if anyone is looking for one!)<br />
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Me and Heather, who did the shower<br />
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Shower gifts! Got a lot of good and useful stuff!<br />
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Cute outfits<br />
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Diapers, wipes and crib sheets<br />
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Me at 34 weeks</div>
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Gabriel sleeping in his chair again. He often grabs his zebra and horse when he's tired. Good thing his chair reclines, I just lay him back and he naps. :)<br />
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Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-8062178747140971872013-08-22T15:33:00.000-05:002013-08-22T15:33:00.939-05:00Vacation!Dan had the week off work, so we decided to go to Duluth, which is about a 3hr drive. We wanted something fairly close so we didn't have much drive time. My tailbone can't handle too much time in the car while pregnant, and the kids don't like it either. We stopped at a couple rest stops, and then some Falls on the way there. Gabriel was not impressed and the noise freaked him out!<br />
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Still apprehensive about the falls. He's my cautious boy! I barely got him close without him crying.<br />
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Dawson on the other hand, wanted to climb the rail and get as close as possible! He was very impressed and loved the water. <br />
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Climbing back up from the viewing landing.<br />
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Dawson was so good about holding Gabriel's hand, and helping out. This gives him something to focus on, and helps keep Gabriel from running off too, though he was happily headed straight for the car to get away from the noise of the falls!<br />
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Duluth overlook! Dawson loved the little 1ft wall they had there. This was a park overlooking the city.<br />
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Happy boy! He liked to be out of the car again, and to see all the water. <br />
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Gabriel spotted a dog. He spent much of the vacation with daddy, since I couldn't carry him for very long without getting sore. <br />
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Canal Park, we walked out on the pier and watched a couple small boats come in. Dawson was impressed. He was also mad that I wouldn't let him walk on the wall. No fear of danger plus deep water is no good! <br />
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Boat! Gabriel is still looking out the window everyday, saying boat! There's definitely no boats in our backyard here! <br />
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Gabriel was not happy about being close to the water. My cautious boy was ok clinging close to daddy, but when we showed him the water closer he freaked out. I thought maybe the calm lake would be more appealing than the Falls, but apparently not. <br />
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My boys :)<br />
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We got to see the lift bridge go up a couple times to let boats through.<br />
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Went in a boat museum at the pier. Dawson liked the big steering wheel.<br />
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Climbing on big rocks is a must-do in Duluth! He was excited when I suggested he go climb on rocks. Finally something mom was allowing him to climb! <br />
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Gabriel checking out the playground. No water here, must be safe.<br />
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Dawson got to stretch his legs some more and climb! The playground was fun and they were happy to run and do what they wanted finally.<br />
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Ate at Black Woods. They had a fish aquarium and a train running around the room. They were impressed. The bill was impressive too, but the food was good.<br />
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Dawson being silly waiting for his food. I was happy with how they did waiting. We don't do a lot of sit down restaurants, they often don't go very well! <br />
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Hotel! Our first room had 2 queens, but the deadbolt didn't work and the boys could both open the door easily. The door opened to the parking lot. I wasn't seeing that going well! So I called and they gave us a different room, which was a free upgrade and had 2 queens and a set of bunk beds! It was also in the main building and the window was overlooking the waterpark, so the boys were entertained and not thinking of getting out in the morning. When we got there, Dawson asked me if this was our new home. He's used to hotels being places we stay for the hospital for a long time, so he was a bit confused. Even now, a week later, he's been asking me if we're going back to our other home. So we're still working on explaining that it was a very short thing and we won't be going back for a long time. At the other places, it was normal to go home for a little bit and head back, so he seems to be just waiting for that day. <br />
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A big iron ore boat we saw passing the hotel. I zoomed in for a better pic, but it wasn't very far away. <br />
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Though they had bunk beds, they decided to sleep together in the strange place, in the top bunk. They cuddled up and were asleep very fast! <br />
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Dawson cuddled Gabriel and this is how they fell asleep. So adorable! <br />
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On the 2nd day we went further north, about 90 minutes. <br />
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We stopped at a beach and Dawson loved throwing some rocks into the water. It was very windy and cold, so we didn't stay very long. <br />
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Sand! <br />
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Throwing rocks<br />
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Gabriel wasn't a fan of all the wind. He was more interested in the backhoe working across the street.<br />
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Dawson was thrilled to play in the sand<br />
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We went to Gooseberry Falls. Dawson and I climbed down those rocks to get a closer look. He loved climbing. </div>
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Lots of rocks to step on!<br />
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The falls<br />
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Trying to get all of us. Gabriel wasn't a fan of being so close to the water. <br />
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He did best when held close.<br />
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Dawson at the top of the waterfall. He was bummed that I wouldn't let him get closer. He wanted to climb down the rocks. He said he'd be careful. He was mad that I still said no. <br />
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Gabriel having fun with Daddy.<br />
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He was happy to be on the move again, away from the water.<br />
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The last bit of the trail. They both did really well walking and listening.<br />
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Inside the building they had some animal info. Gabriel is comparing his foot to the wolf footprint.<br />
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Dawson was taking a much needed break. He was getting a bit over-stimulated for a while.<br />
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Split Rock Lighthouse<br />
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Lots of steep stairs! It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be though.<br />
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Gabriel was impressed to look out over the water, and he loved seeing birds.<br />
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A big ship coming in</div>
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We toured one of those big ships that's no longer in service, the William Irvin. The boys weren't very impressed. It was a more informational tour than I thought it would be. They were very bored. <br />
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Dawson did like the wheel though!<br />
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Gabriel did the best with being patient. He was amused by birds flying around. <br />
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After the tour we decided to head home. We had a couple other ideas for things to do, but I was having a lot of contractions and was feeling very miserable. So we headed home. We made a few stops for food and a playground to make the trip tolerable. Lots of restroom stops too! We made it home around 5pm. Very glad we got to go, it was nice getting away for a few days! </div>
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-43735730931048767442013-06-25T20:32:00.002-05:002013-06-25T20:32:36.477-05:00Summer Fun and a New Baby!We have lots of fun things planned for this summer! Friday we went to the MN Zoo with a friend and her 2 kids. It was a very long night, I woke up at 1am because of a storm that hit. 70mph winds and a ton of rain. It knocked out our electricity, along with most of the town as well. Thankfully we got ours back on that morning, but much of the town will be without all weekend. The boys woke up and were rather taken back by nothing working. Dawson was worried that our house was broken. He was reassured when I told him it would be fixed soon. Thankfully we had planned on leaving early that morning anyway, so we didn't have to deal with it for very long. I was quite tired from being up since 1am though! I didn't get back to sleep much after that. <br />
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We got to the zoo and Dawson was in a funk from our house being broken and because we passed a waterpark and he'd rather be doing that. Gabriel was in animal lover heaven. By the end of the trail I had a happy boy, a crabby boy and was very tired from pushing them both in the stroller! Thankfully we had a break in the middle of the trail, that had a little playground and some refreshments. Gabriel decided to run through a puddle repeatedly. With his stuffed zebra. Then he decided the zebra needed to splash in the puddle too. They both ended up rather soaked and the zebra was in dire need of a good bath and joined the next load of laundry! It's white again now. :)<br />
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Watching Dawson in the splash pad, but not brave enough to join him yet.<br />
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Penguins! They were chasing each other around and Gabriel found it very exciting.<br />
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Dawson liked the big fish tank.<br />
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Gabriel, all wet from playing in that puddle, but very pleased with himself.<br />
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Dawson watching penguins<br />
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After the zoo I went to the hospital to see my sister, who had her baby boy, Kale, just after midnight on Friday! He's so adorable! It will be nice to not be the only one in the family with kids, and it's fun to finally be an aunt. Dawson wanted to hold him right away and loved it. He's so sweet with babies.<br />
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Gabriel was very interested too and gave him some kisses and hugs. I didn't get a great picture of him though, I was mostly too busy holding them both. <br />
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I'm a happy Auntie. :)<br />
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Afterward we went to my parent's house to check out the storm damage. They lost 12 trees, some big ones too! Gabriel was impressed with all the water that was in the hole.<br />
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Saturday we went to the food festival, where they had food, pony rides and a harnessed trampoline. Gabriel was super excited to see the horses, which are actually PONIES! Dawson was correcting him every time Gabriel said Horse and was getting all worked up about it! Gabriel didn't notice or care, he was too excited. <br />
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So happy to be on a horse! <br />
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YeeHaw! He was going between saying Horse! and YeeHaw! Was so adorable.<br />
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I took a video of him riding. <br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtHsQS0Q6nQ&feature=youtu.be">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtHsQS0Q6nQ&feature=youtu.be</a><br />
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Trampoline! Dawson has been on this one before and was excited to do it again. Gabriel hadn't done it before, but wanted to. He cried getting harnessed, but was giggling so hard while I bounced him! <br />
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I had my 29 week OB appointment today. Baby sounds good, measuring good too. I had the glucose test, which I passed in 1st trimester, but failed this time. So I'm going in on Friday for 4 hours so I can do the longer test. Not looking forward to that, and even more just hoping I don't fail the longer test! That would mean having to watch my sugar intake, which doesn't sound very nice not being able to have ice cream in the summer! Hoping for some better news Friday.Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-77506770039936578662013-06-11T16:33:00.000-05:002013-06-11T16:33:20.258-05:00What we've been working forIt was so frustrating when we realized Dawson wasn't progressing as he should. After evaluations, school intervention, speech therapy, occupational therapy, switching to Children's for speech while we were there, switching back again. We needed wait lists each time we switched, and wondering if he'll ever get enough help to keep up or get anywhere. Each therapy session was frustrating. What did we accomplish in that hour? He played, screamed, refused to do what the lady wanted, and we went home. Repeat 2x a week. When he finally settled in and was more comfortable, they'd play and she'd prompt him to say things, but he never did. <br />
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2010, he was 3 and I was trying to get him to sit still on my lap for a picture. I swore he'd never stop being on the go constantly! They even wanted to put him on meds for it. I told them he doesn't need meds, he needs time. He's so much calmer now! <br />
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Months went by with no progress and it's so disheartening to watch every day and wonder if things will ever improve. Progress is so slow that we hardly notice it. Then one day I look back and think about how things were 6 months ago, and I see it. I look back a year ago and the progress is really amazing! Some days there will be a moment where he will do or say something and it will stop me in my tracks and I think "Wow, that was awesome!". <br />
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They don't happen much though, and often we get so weighed down with the everyday struggles that we don't look at the big picture and realize how far we've come. I'm so tired of him arguing with me! But that means he is talking, reasoning, and coming up with sentences that make sense! Some kids don't get that far. Some are non-verbal their whole life. Somehow that 2 year old who only had a couple words became an almost 6 year old who argues with me, tries to bargain, uses complex sentences with filler words that we worked so hard and long to teach him. <br />
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Even a simple "Mom, he took my ball" is amazing. The "he" and "my" is a very new skill. He used 3rd person labeling for a very long time. This year we taught him "he, she, her, him, me, you, my, I". Something that was very hard for him to grasp. "Took" is a concept he had to learn too. Instead of screaming and not being able to tell me what happened, he can say what happened and he understands what the child did and is able to process it and put it into words. The other huge thing is even getting him to tell me in the first place. Usually he'd be running after him, grabbing the child's shirt and getting the ball back. Instead he was able to control his actions, process what happened and tell me about it. Self control is a HUGE step for him, one we work on everyday and that I'm seeing much improvement on!<br />
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So yesterday I had a meeting at someone's house. A boy was in Dawson's face, growling, making scary hands, doing what boys do. Dawson is not a physical, boisterous boy. He will chase Gabriel around, but doesn't like wrestling or anything like that and doesn't like much growling either. Last summer, a boy did that and Dawson shoved him. It's what he did when kids crossed the line and got in his bubble. Therapy has been working all this year, taking him out to the community, having him interact with kids, learning how to deal with situations. It's working! <br />
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Dawson being nice to Gabriel. He was mad and in a time out for pushing, but he turned it around and was very nice to him after that. We still have our days, but it has been much better! <br />
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Dawson asked the boy, rather calmly and trying to reason with the child "are you being a dragon? I don't like that". It continued and Dawson backed away, I could tell he was restraining himself from pushing him, and the child was following him around very closely, still being very loud and growly. So Dawson put his focus on some legos without any prompting from me, and asked the boy "do you want to play legos?". That amazed me, because normally he wouldn't want anything to do with a child who has been in his face, but he really wanted to make this work and do something they both enjoyed. He asked him a few times, but got no answer and his mom asked him to stop. I was so proud that Dawson kept his cool! He not only didn't act negatively, but he even tried to engage in some play with him, despite being stressed at what the other child was doing.<br />
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It's hard with other kids, because you can't control both sides of the situation and things escalate so quickly. I was bummed that it didn't turn out even better and he didn't want to play, but we talked about it afterward and Dawson knows how awesome he did and that everything he did was a good decision. The situation did wear him down though, he was misbehaving a bit after that. I could tell he needed some playground time to run around and get that stress out of his system!<br />
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Afterward we went to a playground with a splash pad, and he happily got very wet and had a ton of fun on the playground. He came to me a couple times with problems, but he was actually running around and playing with another little boy he knows. It's so fun to see him recognize kids he knows and be excited to see them! A few years ago he didn't grasp the concept of friends, he pretty much ignored other kids all together. This makes me look forward to this summer, going to parks and splash pads, getting together with friends. I can sit back a little more now and feel comfortable just letting him play. <br />
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Looking back at all the stressful years we've had with playgrounds, social situations and places, it's great to see how far we've come. It's been stressful, people stop inviting us over because Dawson didn't know how to get along with other kids, and other kids don't realize they can't get in his face without him freaking out. Or he used to need someone at his side constantly so he didn't run away or do something dangerous. So we either didn't go places, or we'd be very stressed at the end. Dan and I were just talking the other day and he said he misses going to bonfires. I said we went to one last year, remember? He said no. Then I reminded him that Dawson ran away from him and locked himself in the neighbor's house (who were also at the bonfire). Then he remembered!<br />
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Thankfully I have friends who understand his needs, his progress and his struggles, who still invite us over and who understand instead of taking offense when he's not acting perfectly. No child is perfect, but as he gets older, it becomes less acceptable to do things. He's not a toddler anymore, but sometimes his behavior is more on that level. It just looks worse because he's a bigger kid now, so people are more taken back by a tantruming 5 year old than they were with the tantruming 3 year old.<br />
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So I'm thankful that we and the therapists have been working so hard on the community stuff, and helping him with self control and coping methods. It has helped a lot. We still have bad moments, bad trips to the store, but it's not as frequent as it used to be. He will walk by me in the store and not run away. He will even hold Gabriel's hand and walk with him when I have my hands full. He loves being a big brother and helping out too, which has been very helpful. Especially since he can run much faster than me! Yesterday I asked him to go get Gabriel, who had started running off, and Dawson ran to him, took his hand and walked back to me with him. Awesome!<br />
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Thinking back at each year and how much he has grown and matured over those years makes me excited to see what's to come. The days may be long and exhausting, but we are getting somewhere! <br />
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Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-83580161596960008132013-06-05T23:30:00.000-05:002013-06-06T00:18:28.295-05:00Exciting News!It's been too long, as usual! Lots to catch up on! Dan is doing well, he's working more regular hours these days because he got switched to doing something else at work and they have more consistent hours. He was finally able to tear into my van, there's many things needing to be replaced. As he went though, he's finding more problems to fix, so that is going to take longer. <br />
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I'm doing good. Still feeling ok. I'm 26 weeks along now, next week is 3rd trimester! The time has been going pretty fast. I've been keeping busy. The chiropractor is helping a lot. Other than some sciatic pain, I have no complaints! I am dreading the very hot weather though, it may be a long summer! Baby is getting big and strong, very active! My Dr still wants to induce a week early due to me having large babies. She said she's aiming for September 3rd, which is also our wedding anniversary! <br />
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Dawson is almost done with Kindergarten! This year just flew by in some ways. Seems like he just started school not long ago. He's reading much more fluently and is reading things everywhere. His special ed teacher says she's pleased with his end of year testing, compared to his earlier testing. I'm excited to see how much he's improved! He's very excited to be done with school. For the last month he's been telling me he doesn't want to go. Even though he qualifies, I declined the summer school option. He will be getting his Autism Center therapy at home, 25-30 hours per week. He loves that and is making lots of progress. It's also more customizable, so we can work on other things around home and in any area that he needs, not just academically. They will continue to take him out to the community for some fun and social interaction practice. I've been looking for different things for him to do and may sign him up for some community ed classes and fun things he may be interested in.<br />
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Gabriel is growing up so much! He went through a big growth spurt, so he looks so much bigger now, and he's been talking a lot too. He labels many things, has several 2-3 word phrases, he's working on counting, but he skips some numbers. He has 1-5 down fairly well. He knows about half the alphabet too! He's still very obsessed with horses. He graduated from his little rocking horse to a big spring rocking horse and he loves it. He was rocking the little one so hard that he was tipping it over! Even with the big spring horse, he can get the front legs off the floor a bit! Crazy little boy. <br />
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Gabriel sleeps with his two favorite stuffed animals. The brown horse I made in 6th grade, and the zebra I got him for Christmas. These two are well loved and it shows! ;)<br />
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Dawson loves his pacman set that Grandma made for him. He had quite the pacman obsession for quite a while! It has been a bit less obsessive lately, but he still really enjoys playing it.<br />
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We finally got new bunk beds! We've had this set since Dawson was almost 2. Someone had moved out of our apartment building and left them next to the dumpster. So we got some hardware and they've been good sturdy beds for a while, but I've been wanting something else for a while and was just waiting for the right time.<br />
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That time presented itself when a friend posted these up on a local facebook sell group for a really good price. I've always wanted bunks with stairs, but wasn't about to pay over a thousand for a new set! I love the darker wood too, it looks so pretty and clean in there now! Gabriel likes going up there. A few times he has gone up and slept with Dawson, but for the most part he is still in his crib. He tried the lower bunk a couple nights, but wasn't ready yet. I'm just following his lead for now. I don't want bedtime battles quite yet and I'm not in a hurry to switch him.</div>
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The ceiling!<br />
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Dawson loves the steps! We do too. Before this bed, he was falling asleep on the couch and we had to carry him to bed. Now he is comfortable climbing up himself and falling asleep. Maybe it's the excitement of the new bed, who knows! He has to have his star lights projected onto the ceiling, but that's a pretty simple request. <br />
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The boys testing out the new bed. <br />
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Dawson's Kindergarten concert was fun. I really couldn't see him once I sat down, he's on the bottom row in the middle and we sat in the back because Gabriel was making a big fuss about being in there.<br />
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Gabriel actually ended up really enjoying the concert and sat perfectly! Go figure. He even clapped after each song. <br />
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After the concert, the boys enjoyed playing together in Dawson's classroom. <br />
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The end of April was my ultrasound. My mom came with to watch Gabriel and to be there. It was very fun. Baby was so stubborn, laying with legs tucked under, on the belly and everything. The lady moved me around, tried to wiggle baby, and finally after a lot of poking around she got a look at the gender. It's a GIRL!! I was completely surprised, I was really expecting it to be another boy. It's all I know and we just seem to make a lot of those. It took quite a while for that to sink in! I'm finally used to saying words like "she", but it was so weird at first! <br />
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Our clinic recently got 3D added! I've never seen a 3D picture of my own kids. It was so neat seeing her move around and looking more like a baby. When I showed Dawson the "x-ray of mommy's tummy", he smiled. Then I told him it's a girl and he burst into giggles and said "mom, that's silly!" I think it's going to take him a while to get used to the concept too. :)<br />
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I've been having fun buying some pink things! </div>
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Dawson started horse therapy in April. He's really enjoying it. It was so cold that first week, it had been snowing still, so much that they had to cancel a session! The barn is so dusty from not being aired out, and his allergies (and mine!) from all the dust despite the meds was a bit much. We were both sneezing quite a bit. The next time they had him use a medical mask and that helped a ton! <br />
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Me the end of April, around 20 weeks.<br />
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Gabriel loves watching me cook. He's not as much of a helper like Dawson always has been. Dawson is more hands on, but Gabriel hasn't felt comfortable doing things yet, he just loves to watch. <br />
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Finally warming up a bit! Was nice to ditch the bulky winter coat.<br />
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Gabriel got to come with us for the first time in May! He was so excited to see all the horses, but he also wanted to ride. He was gathering the sawdust footing and throwing it around.<br />
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He was also offering up the sawdust to the horses in exchange for a ride. He was saying "please!!" in the cutest, most desperate voice. Poor kid, he gets an A for effort!<br />
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Mother's Day with my boys. :)<br />
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Watching horse therapy, outside this time! <br />
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Riding with his mask. The outdoor arena finally dried up so we can use it! So much better. <br />
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Me today at 26 weeks. <br />
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I've been doing ok for the most part, but I had a bad dream the other night about Tyler and it really threw me into a funk. Plus it's June, the month Tyler was originally diagnosed. We also just passed April, the month he was readmitted after his relapse! Too many bad months. Some day to not focus on them, but it's really impossible. So many dates are stamped into my head! There has also been a ton of 4th birthdays lately! I'm realizing I know way too many people who have a 4 year old! The talks of starting preschool and all the exciting things they've been doing is a bit too much some days. </div>
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I've been trying to focus on happy things. My sister is due June 15th and I'm excited about that. Also with gathering things for this baby. It seems like the busier I get and the more I try to concentrate on other things, the more that gets stored up and it's harder when it finally all comes out. Thankfully those super horrible days don't come often, but when they do, I have no appetite, I feel physically sick and sore all over. I can't hardly get out of bed or off the couch and have no motivation at all. Gabriel always senses those moods and is either very fussy and needy, or he gets super sweet and cuddly. He was fussy in the morning, but got very cuddly in the afternoon. Thankfully by morning those internal clouds were lifting again. </div>
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I think things have been harder due to the extra hormones too. Extra moody, and the highs and lows are much more exaggerated some days. The weather has been rainy and gloomy too, which isn't helping. I need some sunshine! They say the 2nd year is harder than the first, and it's been true. It's been so long since we've seen him, I start forgetting things and wondering if someday all those memories will slip away. I have to look back at pictures and then it starts to come back again. Many I've talked to said they have the same and it's a common fear. Thank goodness for pictures, lots of them! </div>
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Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-79456739875524405012013-03-17T18:21:00.001-05:002013-03-17T18:21:18.069-05:00Three BirthdaysWe've had 3 birthdays since my last post. Tyler's was February 26th. Dan's was March 4th and Gabriel's is March 28th. We had his family birthday party today. <br />
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For Tyler's birthday, we brought all the donations to Children's, along with a Ronald McDonald House food and supply drive and breakfast bags that I coordinated through my MOPS group. It was a very snowy day and the van didn't start when we went to leave, but Dan got the battery jumped and the van running in not too long. It went pretty well, the kids were good and the roads weren't awful. We also got to see Tyler's main oncology clinic nurse and she got to see Gabriel too. <br />
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Toys for the Oncology kids at Children's Hospital<br />
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I was hoping to get this box almost full. It was a really big box. I was surprised to have overflowed it! People are very generous. :)<br />
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100 breakfast bags for Ronald McDonald House<br />
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Food/supply drive for Ronald McDonald House<br />
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Gabriel does this each morning, he has his breakfast and watches cartoons or plays games on the ipad. I've suggested sitting on the couch or at the table, but he insists on sitting on the floor here!<br />
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Dawson's new carseat. He really likes it, so comfy!<br />
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Me at 12 weeks pregnant<br />
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Dawson making Daddy's birthday cake. He was quite excited about it. The next day when Dan went to have a piece, he told Daddy he can't eat birthday cake because it's not his birthday anymore! <br />
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The best part, frosting!<br />
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Gabriel playing with horses, his favorite thing. <br />
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Dawson decided to play with him, which doesn't happen too much.<br />
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Gabriel's birthday cake. I decided to switch it up a bit and buy one. Was very yummy!<br />
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He wanted to touch the candle. So pretty!<br />
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So excited!<br />
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Dawson had to help blow the candle out<br />
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Cake and ice cream. He ate it all himself with no mess! Impressive.<br />
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Time for presents! He loves his little goat<br />
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He also got Toy Story and Curious George 2. Also a shirt and pajama set. <br />
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He has this present opening thing down good this year<br />
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Wow, a big box full of zoo animals!<br />
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Happy little boy<br />
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After never messing with the bathroom, he decided to get some toilet paper and run around with it.So much fun being 2! <br />
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Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-34363757798858633462013-02-10T21:22:00.001-06:002013-02-10T21:26:26.779-06:00Tyler's Birthday and moreFebruary is here, which brings us up to 15 months without Tyler. It's his birthday on the 26th. It's a harder birthday than his last. He was 2 1/2 and we knew 3 was coming, but this year he would've been 4, which seems like such a big number. He should be in preschool, talking and learning. Enjoying life. Now he's had 2 birthdays here and 2 in Heaven. In 7 months, Gabriel will be older than Tyler was. In a way, it has been a little easier these days, but in other ways it has been much harder. Memories fading, people stop talking about him, we wonder what he would've been doing, and what it would be like to still have 3 boys playing together. Overall, it just sucks. I try to keep in mind that he isn't dealing with cancer anymore, we will never have to deal with another relapse and worry about complications and side effects. He is free to be perfect and never suffer again. Too bad we can't say the same for ourselves. <br />
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We are doing what we did last year, collecting birthday gifts and donating them to Children's. If anyone would like to participate, you can drop something off, mail or paypal funds and I'll go shopping. I've been looking at the clearance racks, lots of good after Christmas deals on toys there still. My email is <a href="mailto:gpxchick@hotmail.com">gpxchick@hotmail.com</a>. Use that for paypal or email me for my address. I was impressed with the participation last year, I was able to bring several big boxes of toys and things down to Childrens. Of course everything was fresh and new then, I haven't gotten much of a response this year, other than a few dedicated friends. I'm hoping to have a decent amount to go down there with though. <br />
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I hadn't posted about this yet, I was waiting to take pictures and it was super dirty before, thanks to our lovely salty winter roads. It warmed up to 28 degrees the other day, so I got the salt off and it looks better now. We got this 2005 Dodge Magnum shortly after Christmas. Traded my car in and got a good deal on it. I'm liking it, lots of storage space in the back, big backseat for 3 carseats, and it has some nice gadgets my car didn't have either, like 6 disc CD player, sunroof, heated leather seats, and all those things that I wasn't looking for, but it happened to have. Works for me! I now have Gabriel rear facing behind the drivers seat and my long legs are not squished! It's way roomier than my old car, and it's nice when it's just Gabriel and I during the day, I have him on the same side and it's really convenient. We still have the van too, but it needs a lot of work done over the summer and we didn't want 2 iffy vehicles. Dan is driving the van for now. Hopefully it'll hang in there with its issues until it warms up. <br />
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Gabriel's hair was getting out of control. I have trimmed it a few times, but it really needed a full haircut. So I brought him in and finally let them transform my sweet baby into a little boy. *sniffle*</div>
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He sat pretty still during it all. She gave him some combs to keep him occupied, then a sucker at the end to get him the rest of the way through. I never had to hold him still or anything though! That's a first, I still have to hold Dawson still during several parts. </div>
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Yep, that baby fluffy hair is gone! He looks so much older now. Sometimes I see him across the room and see Tyler, it's crazy how much they look alike with certain faces and smiles. <br />
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I still have my baby blue eyes though, mom! <br />
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The other day Gabriel brought me a little toy umbrella. I told him what it was, he wanted me to repeat it many times, but still looked puzzled as to what it was. So I got a real one out. He was very impressed! <br />
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Haircut from the side. It was wispy over his ears, neck and everything. He seems to enjoy it being out of his face and everywhere. <br />
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Dawson got his cut too. He did pretty well sitting still for them. The lady was amused that he kept saying Ow!<br />
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Dawson had a couple of rough weeks at school, but after a lot of talking and a bunch of laxitives, the problem was solved. He's in a much better mood now and has been making better choices. His Autism Therapy has started taking him out into the community to work on some new goals. Staying in sight of the adult he's with, walking nice, engaging in play with other kids, cooperative play with other kids, etc. He will go to the library, mall play area, the park's indoor playroom. He did great on his first day out and will be going twice a week starting this week. </div>
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I did some window shopping and some errands this weekend and he was great in the store! Much more mindful of listening and staying closer to me. It was a very nice improvement. Something I've been working on for a long time now, and therapy has been working on since this summer. It's exciting that he's able to try out his new skills while out and about as well. </div>
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I've been having a lot of morning sickness. Not nausea or vomiting, but the things I can eat and keep down are very few. So as long as I eat something that agrees with me, I'm fine. But I have to eat often, and the things that are ok to eat keep changing! I'm wishing this baby would make up its mind. I'm 9 weeks now, and looking forward to March so I can hopefully get my appetite back. I'm getting tired of the few foods I'm able to eat and it's been a long 5 weeks of this so far. About 3 more to go. I'm also getting anxious to know the gender so I can get to shopping and gathering what I need. I've really been itching to start, and I know it's super early, but I'm just impatient about this stuff. ;) So I've been window shopping and dreaming, and that's been holding me off for the time. April 23rd is my ultrasound. My appointment this month I have to take the yucky glucose test. Because I have large babies, I have to take it twice each pregnancy instead of once. Even though it's never came back positive before. I'm really hoping for some energy back during 2nd trimester. It is gone and this place is suffering because of it. Thankfully Dan is awesome and has been helping out a lot, despite working 10 hour days all week, plus 8 on saturday. I feel bad. Hopefully I can make it up to him soon! There's still a lot to be done. </div>
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Gabriel has been learning new words and phrases, picking up on things quickly. He corrected my mom when we were over there. He showed her a toy animal and she said "duck", and he looked at her funny and said "goose!". She assumed he didn't know all the bird names yet! Sometimes I'll ask him for something and he'll go get it, which always surprises me. I never actually expect him to know it, but he's brought me a bowl, a ball, my drink, his sippy, a certain toy. Even if he has to go to the kitchen to get it. He has a bit of a studder with a couple words, but it's common at this age Ive heard and he doesn't do it with any other words, so I'm not concerned. Just something I hadn't seen before with my kids. There's always something new to learn, even after 2 special ed kids and a Child Development degree. They still manage to keep things interesting and surprise me with something new. As long as it's not something huge and traumatic, they can go ahead! </div>
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-51458196112316380612013-01-22T22:12:00.003-06:002013-01-22T22:12:57.947-06:00A New Year's Announcement<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
As we approached the New Year, I pondered what 2013 would bring. We got our answer the day after Christmas. A new baby! </div>
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Suddenly I have something to look forward to. Since Tyler died, it has felt like we were going through the motions, but not moving forward. It was hard to have much to look forward to, and all we were doing was looking back. I finally have something to be excited about, and for once instead of dreading another passing year, I am curious what the next year will look like. There are some weird things, this is Baby #4, because Gabriel will always be my #3, so we can't re-order them. That would be too weird. I used to think it was weird that moms did that. Now I totally get it. I'm starting to have more peaceful days. I can look back at his baby pics and just smile. He was so adorable. The more recent happy pics bother me a lot more, but baby pics are the past no matter what. If that makes any sense. <br />
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We have a tradition of sharing the news using the Big Brother shirt. I apparently didn't get a pic of Dawson in the shirt, but here is Tyler wearing it, Aug 2010. Dawson was a year old when we spread the news on the 4th of July, Tyler was 15 months, we told people at our family reunion and Gabriel was 22 months and we used New Years. Tyler looks so little here! Our age gaps are getting bigger, from 18 months, to 25 months, and now 30 months. Though we have kept our year pattern, 07, 09, 11, 13. <br />
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Dawson has really gotten into his pacman obsession lately. His chicken nuggets, cookies and all things round need to be made into pacman shapes. One of his therapists made a whole set of pacmans, along with the ghosts so he can play with them. He's really been enjoying that. This is a pacman cookie that he cut himself. <br />
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Gabriel was quite excited that we replaced the tree with a cube slide. We always take it out after Christmas every year so the kids can use up some of that energy they have from being cooped up. <br />
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Dawson is getting a bit big, but he's still enjoying it too. <br />
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Sleepy babies are so cute. He got so big though! <br />
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Seems like it wasn't long ago that Gabriel was sleeping in the boppy, all scrunched up and just a few days old. </div>
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Dawson has the weirdest sleeping positions. I moved him to his bed and he straightened out, but when I woke him up in the morning, he was sleeping like this again! He looks so peaceful when he's sleeping. It's good to remember this face, especially on those long crazy days. <br />
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Dan went back to work on the 7th, so it's nice to be getting paychecks again, after having 4 weeks off. He's been liking his job and even got the "Outstanding Quality" award at the company Christmas party. We've been having some pretty cold weather, so it's nice that both his job and Dawson's school are fairly close to home. Dawson goes back to school tomorrow and has a longer bus ride in the morning, around 30-40 minutes, so hopefully he will keep his gloves and things on and stay warm. <br />
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Today we got to use Dawson's new handicapp parking tag. I recently learned that Autistic kids and adults can get them, since they have absolutely no danger awareness. This puts them at risk of accidental death. I can't even begin to say how many times I've had to pull him away from moving vehicles that he wanders in front of. I've had nightmares about it, and it's one of my biggest safety concerns with him. His therapists and I have been working on it, and his behavior is getting a bit better, but the danger awareness is still not there. He doesn't understand why we have to do it, so he doesn't care. I figured it would get easier as he got older and hopefully more aware, but it's just not happening. I was even feeling weird about asking his Dr, but he jumped right on it and said it was a great idea. He's seen it himself, so I was relieved that he thought it was a good idea. So now we don't have to worry about parking far away, crossing aisles of moving cars and other dangers. Even if he's holding our hand, he tends to suddenly take his hand back, and he will do it fast, often side stepping into traffic. It's really a big relief, especially since he's getting bigger and faster. <br />
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I have my first OB appointment on the 30th. I'm 7 weeks along today and so far feeling exhausted. I've been getting some morning sickness too, the foods I'm tolerating seem to be getting less, so I'm not too excited about that. I have to eat something or I feel sick, but I can't eat certain things or I feel sick. So far I have a couple things that always work, so I've been living on apples, crackers and lifesavers. Just trying to keep something in my stomach all the time, it helps. Hoping it won't last too long, it seems to be a little worse each day this week. Thankfully Gabriel has been pretty good to just play during the day so I can rest. Sometimes he even comes and cuddles up with me. :)<br />
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-72290307556004989062012-12-31T23:54:00.001-06:002012-12-31T23:54:55.309-06:00New Years Eve, Children's MuseumDawson was beyond excited when I told him we were going to the Children's Museum. This was decided the day before, after days of being cooped up and having nothing to do. For all our sanity, we needed out of the house! He asked me about 30 times on the way there if we are going to the Children's Museum. He had to make sure that was still where we were headed. We got there and it was priceless. When we went there for the HopeKids event 2 weeks ago, we only had an hour to play, and it was so rushed. This time they got to take their time, play with more things and really enjoy themselves more. <br />
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The boys playing the iPad before bed. I love how they get cuddly and play together in the evenings. Dawson has been doing so much better with social interactions lately. Observing him in the Children's Museum was so great. He respected other kid's boundries, shared toys, didn't get upset or anything. Such a huge change from even last year! <br />
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Gabriel liked the My-Size-Castle <br />
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They have a paper facory set up. Of course Dawson likes anything that spins!<br />
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Water! Gabriel actually played in the water this time, and was quite excited about it. <br />
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Plus there were balls, so that's a bonus. <br />
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Daddy and Dawson playing at the older kids table. They have some neat set ups.<br />
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Gabriel exploring the ant tunnels<br />
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Dawson holding still for a picture. He actually walked in the halls and waited for us. Stood in lines. Especially the fear of danger and being lost is a tough one, and he still has no fear of either, but his obedience is better, so that helps a lot! <br />
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A favorite toy. <br />
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A huge ball! There were some way bigger than him too. He was excited.<br />
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Dawson likes sitting in the catch bucket for the roller coaster ball set up. They all come right to him, plus he has a great view of them going down the coaster. He was handing the balls out to kids who came to get theirs back too. <br />
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Gabriel checking out what Dawson was up to. They traded spots for a while. <br />
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Watching balls go around, like the coin donation things. Very amusing.<br />
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Gabriel was a little ham all day. Until the end when he had completely worn himself out and couldn't do anymore. :)<br />
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These stairs are small, so he was happy to be able to walk down them himself. Something he's been trying hard to do lately. <br />
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Another one of Dawson's favorites. I asked him what his favorite room was, the water, balls or ant tunnels and he said "all are favorites, mom!" Then promptly asked if we can go back tomorrow. He happily settled with the idea of going to Grandma's house. Whew! <br />
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I asked for a happy face, and I got one. Goofy boy.<br />
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Lots of balls going down at once. Surprisingly, he was very cooperative when leaving all the rooms. I guess the excitement of what's ahead kept him interested, but it's a big sign of mature development when they leave the "now" for what's maybe ahead. Something he really hasn't done much, especially with things this exciting. <br />
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Gabriel was a bit taken back by the idea of this wobbly bridge, but he kept going across until he was doing it confidently. I love his determination and patience! <br />
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Gabriel has been talking so much! We got home and he was babbling non-stop. Some of it was comprehendable, other stuff was not, but he was sure talking about something. I'm glad he had lots of fun today too! He's been saying new words every day. He's been loving his new toys and has been doing a lot of pretend play, which is so neat! Dawson doesn't even have interest in that yet, which is common for Autistic kids. It's just so weird seeing such a little guy doing these things. His horses drive cars and busses, they go in buildings, fences, along the couch, in the Christmas tree, and everywhere. I'm excited to see the playsets get played with, and I love that he keeps himself so entertained! Excited to see what the New Year will hold for them both. :)Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-84123068052647934612012-12-26T17:17:00.001-06:002012-12-26T17:17:18.946-06:00Christmas and Children's MuseumThis month has been really up and down, but mostly up. I have had a lack of motivation mostly. The tree never got decorated. It's a pre-lit, so it still looks pretty in the evening. Gabriel has knocked it down 4 or 5 times, and is a bit of a tree terror, so that made my motivation to decorate even smaller. He did play with it a lot, he thought running his horses on it was very fun. <br />
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Dawson loves to plug it in every night<br />
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On the 11th we went to the Children's Museum, it was a HopeKids event. We had a huge snowstorm 2 days prior and got a foot of snow, so getting there was interesting. Not all of it was cleared away, and it was a bit icy, so traffic was slow and we got there an hour late, despite leaving an hour early. The kids were not thrilled with being in the car for 3 1/2 hours, especially in stop and go traffic. We had 1 hour to play once we got there, and it looked like many others were coming in at the same time, or even after. They still had lots of fun, and Dawson has been asking every day to go back. I told him we will after the new calendar is up. <br />
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He loved the elevator. He still is obsessed with pretending our sliding closet doors are elevators. <br />
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Gabriel was a bit leary of the big, busy place. He loved all the water, and walked around saying "oooh!", but really didn't touch anything in the first exhibit. I had brought extra clothes and everything! <br />
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They loved the bus<br />
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Gabriel and Daddy loved the foam blocks room. Dan was stacking them up, and Gabriel would giggle and run to knock them all over. <br />
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This was by far everyone's favorite room. They rolled balls around and around, down ramps with hills, and a huge one like a roller coaster too. It has always been a big interest of Dawson's. <br />
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Ooooh!</div>
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Gabriel has been requesting popcorn lately, so the boys have had some popcorn movie nights before bed. <br />
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A very sleepy Dawson after a busy day. I went to tell him to get off the computer and go to bed, he hadn't even been sitting there that long! <br />
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Footie pjs! Someone gave us a bag of clothes, and it had a couple of these in there. He thought they were hilarious! He was always a warm baby and didn't like warm pjs, but now he's been asking for them, and giggling about it. <br />
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Animals! We went to my parent's house on Christmas Eve in the afternoon. Gabriel got several small animals, and a stuffed horse and puppy. They are adorable stuffed animals! He is loving them all.<br />
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Dawson was excited to see his Cat in the Hat game, Math game for his handheld Leapfrog game, and a little Hungry Hippos game. He's been playing the Math game a lot, and he's currently in the playroom with his Autism therapist and they are playing the board game. <br />
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Gabriel and his adorable horse. To the left is Daddy, to the right is my sister Sarah and her fiance, Nick. <br />
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Looking at all his animals. <br />
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The end table was Dan's Christmas gift from my parents. My dad does woodworking and has made most of the things, big and small, for their home. It was neat how he made the top a checker board.<br />
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Our goodies from my parent's house.<br />
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Time for our gifts! Gabriel was pretty tired, but he perked up fairly quick.<br />
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Super excited to get the Perfection game! His therapist had brought it a couple times, and he loves it.<br />
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A Toy Story 3 toy from our friend Heather. <br />
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Gabriel got a stuffed horse, and a set of 9 smaller horses. <br />
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He was trying to figure out how to carry them all at once. <br />
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Playing Perfection together. So nice to see them cooperating better. Especially Dawson, he has worked so hard all summer on sharing and playing with others. He has hugely improved in that area!!<br />
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Gabriel's gifts, both from my parents and us. See a theme? Right now he is playing with Dawson's Toy Story playset. Of course. Though he is playing it with many animals. Apparently they can drive and operate machinery. :)<br />
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Dawson at my Grandma's house. He did really well for having 18 other people in the house. Big crowds give him anxiety, and it was nice to see the hard work paying off. Instead of tantruming and yelling, he retreated to the quiet of her bedroom/bathroom, where there was a sliding closet and he played elevators. He did have a couple encounters with another toddler, but he stepped back instead of shoving. Not only that, but he sat on my lap and talked about it afterward! He has also been using the word "me", which is fairly new. He usually just talks in 3rd person, referring to himself as Dawson. Now just trying to get him to say "I" as well. It's coming, sometimes he uses the words out of context, but he knows he should be using them and is trying hard to get it right. <br />
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This holiday season has been a bit rough, just thinking of how things would've been with Tyler here with us. I had little motivation to start with, but as we got going and around people, it wasn't quite as bad. Just some moments here and there. I went to a grieving parents group in Sauk Rapids. They meet every 3rd Thursday at 6:30pm if anyone is interested. It went well, I got to meet some new people and talk about things that normal people don't understand. It was really nice. One thing that popped into my head the other day is the New Year. It was really hard moving into 2012. I didn't figure I'd have issues with other New Years. But now, after this New Year, I won't be able to tell people "last year". Just one of those sad realizations. <br />
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I am looking forward to some new things in January. They are starting on another community/social goal for Dawson, so we get to go do some fun things, like the library and other places involving children. Some days we'll invite kids over here, which isn't as easy as it used to be now that our friend has moved, but hopefully we'll find some people. <br />
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I hope everyone had a great Christmas and has a Happy New Year! Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-21674241946087097312012-12-07T23:17:00.000-06:002012-12-07T23:17:21.264-06:00DenialDawson is having a harder time, he seems to have hit a denial phase. He was watching Tyler's videos and told me that is Tyler's home. Then he asked me if Tyler can come live with us in our home. I told him Tyler is in the sky, remember? He got upset and yelled "No! He's not in the sky, he's down here on the ground!" So we again went over how he was sick and died and is up in the sky now. His ears were closed though, he told me no, and started yelling about it. It was obvious he was not listening and just needed some time to be angry, so I left him alone. He calmed down and eventually accepted an invite for a hug before going back to playing. He has re-visited this conversation everyday for the last several days. I'm hoping this phase will pass soon, but it's a normal part of grieving for everyone. I was pleased by his acceptance of being sad. I have asked a few times if he is sad and he says "yes, Dawson is sad", with no correction or insistance on being happy. That is huge progress, and a huge step in the grieving process. So for now he is sad, angry and in denial, and that is ok. His daily school reports have showed this as well, they say his days have been a bit rough, though he has gotten up and out the door the same as usual. He comes home and tells me, "mom, I had a not great day", it was just a fact. I told him that's ok to have a bad day and he nodded his head, accepting that he was just sad that day and it happens. He has woken up at night crying and screaming, he has gotten up shortly after going to bed in a panic. It's been a rough couple of weeks for him. I'm hoping it will pass soon. <br />
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Today we did some shopping, Dawson had no school today. He ended up having a moment and was screaming at the top of his lungs in protest to something so simple. It was obviously not anything about what I had said no to. Grief will amplify things. Something sad will make you so angry. Something that is normally not a big deal will suddenly be a big deal. So as he is screaming, to the point of tensing up tight and nearly shaking, I just had to continue on, head to the back corner of the store until he got it all out. We got so many looks. It's hard enough having a tantruming 1 year old, but with a 5 year old, people look at me like I have failed to teach the child something, or like he's just that spoiled. They have no clue what he is going through. When we pulled into the parking lot, he was excited to go shopping. It changes so fast, lots of ups and downs. He was so excited to pick out a present for his uncle's birthday and to learn he gets to have birthday cake on Sunday. Yet a few aisles later he was throwing a huge fit over something tiny. He was better by the food section, when I reminded him he gets to pick out a treat for this week. He earns tokens during his home therapy and when he earns enough, he gets to do something fun, or have a special snack if it's that time. It really motivates him. <br />
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On the other hand, I have had a much better week. Those internal clouds seem to have lifted and I'm feeling more motivated and I have more energy. It's amazing how grief can affect you physically. For a while I was getting anxiety attacks, only I didn't realize what it was and was rather worried. My chest hurt, I couldn't breathe and my left arm was tingling. It happened several times, and everyone knows that's not a good sign. Thanks to my grief group, I discovered those are also common symptoms of a panic attack, and sure enough, it only got bad when I was feeling more emotional. They have not lasted very long and it was only for a short span of a week or 2 when it happened and I haven't had that issue since. Seems like just the phase I was going through at the time. Dawson's problems this week have dragged me down a bit, but in general I have been much better than I was before. It's hard when everyone is in a different place in their grieving. Seems like someone at any given point is in a bad mood, it makes things difficult. <br />
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Yesterday I ventured out a bit more. I hadn't really left town while Dawson is in school until then. I went to my cousin's house in Becker, which was fun. Gabriel loved seeing the animals. He's my little animal lover, horses especially. They have 2 and he was so excited! We went up to them and he made his "neigh" noise, which is rather long, exaggerated and high-pitched for a horse! It's really funny. I tried to get it on video, but of course once I started, he wouldn't do it again. He also got to see some cows and ducks. Also his 2 cousins, who are Dawson and Tyler's age. We had our babies 2 months apart both times, which was neat. <br />
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"oooh!" Everytime he says that, it sounds so much like Tyler. It's crazy, the same tone, voice, everything. Sometimes it's really cute, other times it just hurts.<br />
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He looks so little walking up to the fence. They can be so fearless at this age. He walked up to the fence and knocked, as if they were going to open it up and let him in! <br />
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After we got home, Dawson was asking me about the couch. We had moved it the night before to where it used to be. Needed to make room for the tree. He got excited and I asked him if he wanted to put together the tree now, and of course he said yes. We aren't allowed a real tree in our apartment, so we've always done fake. I gave him the top part and he carried it to the living room. Since nothing ever fits back into the original box, we had to keep it seperate. He happily walked to the window, stood it up there, looked at it and then back at me. He finally said "um....mom. It's really small". He was even crouching down to help tell me how small it was. He was not impressed! <br />
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Then I showed him what was in the box. :)<br />
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So he got to put it together, and he figured it out himself. Thankfully they are easier than they used to be. We bought a new one a couple years ago after Christmas, since everything is so much better priced after the holiday. We got a good deal on it.<br />
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Admiring his work so far. Much more impressed. <br />
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Putting the little tree up on the big tree. He approves. :)<br />
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Tyler's handprint, still on our window from August 2011. It's getting smudgey in that area, since Gabriel's smudges are joining Tyler's and starting to make it less obvious. It used to be a perfect handprint, and now it's mostly fingers left. Just one of those little things, a sign that he was really here. He only lived in our new apartment for 2 weeks, so we don't have many memories of him being here, it was a stressful couple of weeks, waiting for transplant, dealing with an infection and living among packed boxes in our half moved in apartment. It was still so nice to have him here though, and I'm glad we did have those 2 weeks. <br />
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Gabriel playing on the ipad. I've been asked by a few to take pictures of this, because it's so adorable. It started out as "oh cute, he's trying to play the ipad". Then it moved to "wow, he's actually doing something with it!". Now it's more "let me play ipad or I will scream". Gotta love those almost 2 year old moments. He is still my easiest child, behavior wise. He has his moments, but is so mellow usually. I do take it with sometimes when I have a lot of errands to run. I got to a point where I just didn't care what people think. Yes, my 1 year old is playing an ipad. It's not his, it's for his brother's therapy and they happen to make awesome toddler apps too. It is sanity while shopping, and I will take some of that!<br />
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So focused! He spelled "xray", mostly by process of elimination, of course. He's good at matching animals, doing little puzzles and things. He's a smart little guy. It's exciting seeing his little mind at work. <br />
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Gabriel was thrilled when we moved the couch. We reunited him with 3 of his toy horses, all which he hasn't let far out of his sight since we found them. <br />
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We have an exciting several days ahead. Going to visit Tasha and Rilee, the little guy we met in the ICU. Also my brother's birthday party, and the Children's Museum through HopeKids. I'm also on the parent counsel for the school now and have a meeting on monday. They asked me to be a parent voice, so I thought I would try it. Dawson and Tyler both did home visits and ECSE there, as well as ECFE, and now Gabriel is in ECFE also. I'm hoping for some Christmas shopping motivation to hit as well! I don't even have a clue what I'm going to get Dawson yet. I'm hoping this 6 inches of snow we're supposed to get will help that Christmas mood to hit! </div>
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-13622344815281588702012-11-29T22:55:00.000-06:002012-11-29T22:55:11.069-06:00Dawson's Progress and Gabriel is 20 months old!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Happy 20 months Gabriel! That number seems so much closer to 2! Yikes. He has really hit a growth spurt, both physically and vocally. He says so many things, and even a few short phrases. This morning he told me "welcome", which was rather adorable. I took some pictures at ECFE class. I realized I hadn't really been taking many pictures lately, which is unusual for me. </div>
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Gabriel loves the mesh swing, as did his brothers. It has always been a favorite thing to do. </div>
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He is big on animals, even more than cars. He can say many animal names and sounds now.<br />
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Cup on his head. He was trying so hard to get it up there, so I helped him<br />
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Goat! <br />
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Walking up and down the incline, over and over again. He's really good at it.<br />
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He's such a goofball sometimes!<br />
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Also adorable. This one reminds me of a pic I have of Tyler too. <br />
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Playing with his trucks. He looks so big now! <br />
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Love that adorable smile<br />
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Mr. Mischievious was taunting me after supper tonight. I was washing dishes and he was dancing on the table, laughing and making faces at me! Stinker.</div>
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Yesterday morning I went to put on his jeans and they were too tight. That was tough, as they were Tyler's jeans that he last wore. The thought of Gabriel passing up Tyler is just so weird, and it's another reminder that life is moving along without him. One amusing thing though is Tyler's socks. I started having Gabriel wear them, but they were just too Tyler, so I put them away. You wouldn't think a sock would have personality, but it does. So I put these socks away in a box. I found one in my laundry, I've found one on my floor in the morning, on the boy's floor, just random places. Today when I put the totes of clothes on their floor, I cleared out the entire floor, put the totes around the room, and when I put them away, there was another sock under one of them. Each time I find one, I put it in his box in the closet! Nobody goes in there either. Lately it has been a little reminder that just makes me smile.</div>
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Tyler in the jeans Gabriel just outgrew, which are the last jeans he wore.</div>
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Another since he's so cute. ;)</div>
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The cleanest spot in the place. I'm always nervous when I clean his spot, I keep thinking I'm going to drop something. His granite urn is really heavy!<br />
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We had Dawson's yearly IEP meeting this afternoon. I was excited to get the results from his evaluations. It was not very surprising in most areas, but it was overall pleasing to find he is average in most areas, superior in one area, and low in one area. He used to be low, and significantly low in many areas, so even just in the average zone is really awesome! Plus he was right at the line or a little above average in many of the areas, but still in the average section. His lowest area is verbal comprehension, what he is able to tell us and come up with on his own. His receptive comprehension, what he understands as we say it, was much higher and in the average range. His visual spacial was superior, which is numbers, pictures, matching, etc. Processing speed, which is his speed on giving answers and knowing things, was good also. She said it would've been higher than average if his Autism wasn't getting in the way. He kept wanting to count things on each page before giving answers, but he was amazingly fast once he got going, but the way the test is made, it starts the clock when they turn the page. :)</div>
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Overall, since the low and the superior areas balanced out, he scored average, in the 39th percentile for his age. We love average! I will take average over low any day. To be told my child is finally caught up with other kids his age is such a relief. He has a long ways to go, especially in areas of speech, which was in the 5th percentile, but he is gaining ground fast and wasn't even on the charts before. That was the Psycologist's evaluation.</div>
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His reading scores are in average range for his age, his writing is a bit behind, but when they talked about how they did the test, we realized it was a verbal comprehension problem with him and the test. He knows everything they were asking, he just didn't understand what was being asked of him, and they aren't allowed to word it differently or give hints. </div>
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His math scores were the highest, he scored above average! They are all very impressed with how he understands numbers, how high he can count and read numbers, how he can add, even in his head. </div>
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His speech evaluation showed what we knew, he doesn't often use pronouns, he refers to himself in 3rd person, and uses names, not "me, my, them, they, I", etc. It's something we've been working on, and he has really wanted to understand and use them, so I think it won't be long before it all clicks. When he says something, I just say it the right way, and he copies, and often he will say it right the next time with no prompting needed. :) He struggles with pronunciation with the letters L, R, TH, S and Z, which is actually appropriate for Kindergarten, so they say this area is average! We have worked so hard on pronunciation over the summer and he has improved so much! A lot of it is just an oral maturity thing, so once he grows and matures a bit, it will come. </div>
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One of the best lines in the speech report - "his speech is intelligible to familiar and unfamiliar listeners"! This was not the case a couple years ago, and I remember being very surprised that others didn't understand him, because I did! So that one came as a hard hit to me at the time. </div>
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His narrative story-telling skills are still low, but have started to develop. He really had none before, and now he is saying an average of 3 words to describe a picture, and 6 after the story is read and they go back and have him say something about it.</div>
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Social skills there was a big discrepancy between home and school. Our eval of him was much higher than theirs, but that is a new environment with many kids, where home is more personal and he is more open with us. So that is common. At least we know he can, and he is getting better. He was observed sharing his art work with other kids, asking for help, offering help, and making sure people are ok if accidentally bumped into. These are all huge things! He used to completely ignore other kids. I really think having kids over most of the summer helped him so much. Just interaction with other kids, and I worked a lot with him on being respectful, taking turns, recognizing their emotions, etc. It's so nice to see the progress. They scored him around 50% ability, where we scored him at 73%. </div>
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The Autism Specialist says he still doesn't initiate play and needs heavy adult cues. He gets a bit overwhelmed sometimes in large group play, especially when it's not very organized. He doesn't do pretend play yet, though at home I have seen the beginning of some at times, but he has regressed recently and I haven't seen it for a while. His social skills seem quick to regress with his grieving process, as does his speech and behavior. </div>
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He has been rocking as a comfort thing during circle time, which replaced humming, so the less distracting thing has been appreciated. He also has been observed talking to the walls. He will often put his hand to his mouth and whisper something to someone. He has been doing this at home as well, in the bathroom and his bedroom. I fully believe it's a grieving thing and he is talking to Tyler throughout the day as his way of coping. So far it has not been disruptive or interfered with his work time, so nobody is going to bother him about it. His regression and actions are all showing that he is really having a hard time with things, and a child's body will actually revert back to where they were before their sibling died, to try getting a grasp of things. </div>
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We went to a workshop for grieving children on tuesday, and that was a bit insightful. It was more reassuring that we are already doing all the right things. They said regression is normal and temporary, and it's important to allow it to happen and allow them to work through it as they need to. So if he needs to do his obsessive elevator play in the closet, or watch Tyler's videos over and over, or talk to him in the bathroom, that is ok. As he ages, his understanding of life will continue to mature and he will handle things differently. I have also noticed it comes and goes in phases. He has gone a couple months without watching videos, and now for the last 2 months it has been a daily thing. </div>
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It's something that all of us will continue to work on, the ups and downs, the need to do certain things and feel certain ways, and the understanding that it is ok. The difference with Dawson is that understanding. I can tell myself that it's ok to be mad or sad today. Dawson is confused and wants so badly to be happy, and seems to take it personally and ends up acting out in frustration. In time that should get better. A lot of time. A couple people who are about 15 years past the death of their child, gave a more accurate description than the stages of grief, because it is not a neat line of feelings to check off the list, it is all over the place and back again. This is what the one parent said, which is about the same as the other had said too.</div>
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The first stage I could call "Initial Shock and Heavy Grieving". This stage lasts for 1-2 years; the first is more shock, the second is more actual grieving--and very likely will be more intense than the first because your mind is clearer to remember and grieve. </div>
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<br />The second stage (going up thru years 5-6) I could call "Slogging Thru The Mud"; where things BEGIN to get better, but still hard. We Bereaved Parents, in addition to our grief, are subject to mental disorders like Major Depression and PTSD (PTSD affects over 90% of bereaved cancer parents). That's understandable; the trauma and shock of losing our child does all kinds of things to our brain chemistry, such as living with high levels of cortisol (the "fight-or-flight" brain chemical). It has its effects on parts of the brain involving mood, learning and memory.</div>
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<br />The third stage (going up thru years 7-10) have been "The First Rays of Sunshine", which is when it seriously starts getting better--never "over it", more like "having gotten thru the worst of it".</div>
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I'm continually appreciative of everyone who has been understanding, who have allowed us to grieve as we need to without judgement, you are priceless people and we are so thankful to have you in our lives. :)</div>
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Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-45465297168966361432012-11-25T18:55:00.001-06:002012-11-25T18:58:50.683-06:00Not an easy roadIt has been a very long couple of months for us. Oct and Nov have been 2 of the hardest months we've had since Tyler died. Dawson tied the pumpkins and Halloween stuff to that time of the year, and he remembers a lot more than I realize sometimes. Last year, they had a Halloween party at the Autism Center, then that week was his last week of school. So this year he got horribly moody, acting out, screaming, crying, wetting the bed, hitting teachers, etc. Then he asked me if it was the last day of school and I realized that he was reliving last year, along with the rest of us. I couldn't help but think each day what we were doing last year. There were many dates that stuck out, many horrible events leading up to his death. I'd find myself subconsciously thinking about it, I'd have a bad feeling some days and after a while it would bug me too much, so I'd go to Caringbridge and find out what it was. It was always a big thing that happened. <br />
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Dawson got better after Halloween, but not me. I thought once we passed that dreaded day, Nov 2nd, that it would get better. It still continued though. I woke up the next morning with the same heaviness that I did last year. The week leading up to the funeral, I kept thinking about plans, did we do everything right for him? Did we make all the right choices and decisions? It really doesn't matter now, and I keep telling myself that, and honestly there's really nothing else that could've been done. The Dr had said that as well, yet we still wonder. They say this is normal.<br />
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From the time a baby is born, we keep track of all their firsts. Our family pic, them sitting up, smiling, etc. I never knew one day I would be thinking about all the lasts.<br />
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Our last family picture</div>
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The last time I held him</div>
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The last time I saw him</div>
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No parent should have to stand by helplessly as their child fights for 2 years, suffers, overcomes so many things, then still ends up dying. No parent should have to hold them as they gasp for air for 30 minutes, silently begging them to just stop. No parent should have to leave their child, after holding them for hours, feeling them get stiff and cold, and wondering how we ever got here, and why us?</div>
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The 1 year anniversary has passed, but now the holidays are here and I would just like to hibernate for a few months. Thanksgiving was tough, I was just not in the mood and certainly not feeling very thankful. Though I know we do have much to be thankful for, it is hard when the biggest thing at the moment is pain. They say the 2nd year is worse, because the numbness is gone and we are expected to move on with life somehow and we don't even know where to start. We do things, we go places, but still feeling stuck in place. Our kids are growing, all but one. It's hard wondering what he'd be like. I know many kids who are Tyler's age and they look so huge to me. They are talking, and have such cute personalities. What is looming the most, beyond that 1 year mark, and the holidays, is his birthday in February. 4 years old seems so big, so much more mature. It seems impossible that he would've been 4 already. He was only 2 1/2 when I saw him last, and the size of a 1 1/2 year old, so 4 seems huge! I've been trying to come up with ideas for the boys for Christmas, but I walk down the toy aisle and halfway down I see the toys I had planned for Tyler last Christmas, and by the end of the aisle, everything is all blurry again. <br />
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Thankfully I have a group on facebook that I created a year ago for other grieving parents who's child had cancer. I have a few other friends who have lost a child as well who have been very helpful. They have been an amazing support group and I honestly don't know how I'd be doing today if I didn't have them to tell me that all these things are normal feelings. I asked them if anyone else feels like Psycho-Grinch, because this is beyond Grinch, this is irrational and I feel like a crazy person half the time! I see posts on facebook about black friday, or pictures of all the toys they have bought for their kids and I just want to scream. Who cares! They are just objects, half that they will play with for a week and forget about. All I want is my little boy, or maybe even a sense of peace and ability to move on and enjoy life somehow. <br />
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Dawson made me smile the other day when I asked him what he wants for Christmas. He said "Go to Grandma's house!". I asked if he wants toys for Christmas and he said "um, no, just go to Grandma's house!". I'm glad someone has their priorities straight. :) Our apartment hung wreaths last week, and he lit up and said "It's like Christmas!". He has been excited ever since. Since Thanksgiving there has been a lot of outside lights going up as well. We ate at Pizza Ranch last night for supper, and driving back in the dark he was so excited. It also snowed this week, started on Thanksgiving. I think the snowfall has hit me hard as well. Tyler loved watching the snow fall, and seeing the boys watch in excitement has been fun, but hard. <br />
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This week has been harder than most. I haven't gotten out of the house much, Dawson has been home most of the week and has been out of routine and constipated as well. He had a couple buns at Thanksgiving, plus some pie crust, and other snacks he got into during the week. The last couple days he has just been in a rage, but today he seems a bit better. That of course did not do good things for my mood either. I've been having horrible mood swings as well, which is mostly what led me to catch up on my blog, it helps, writing therapy. :) So to catch up with pics from Oct and Nov...<br />
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Dawson finished Horse Therapy. He loved it so much and I'm looking forward to the spring session! Here he was doing stretches. He has pretty good balance. He loves riding with his arms up.<br />
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Gabriel is a little horse boy as well. He has attatched himself to this stuffed horse I made in middle school. He wakes up in the morning and the first thing I hear is "neiiiiiigh". <br />
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We got our pictures taken with Dawson's horse. It's a fundraiser they do to help with the costs of maintaning the horses, since it's a fully volunteer-based program, but they do need to eat. He loved doing the photoshoot. Gabriel was a bit mad that he couldn't just ride the horse, but Dawson was very amused that his horse was being a bit uncooperative. <br />
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Dawson was showing his excitement!<br />
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Sonjay figured out there was hay under there. Dawson was giggling at her.<br />
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She was also giving Dawson horse kisses. He found this hilarious and was giggling so hard. It really tickles. <br />
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Still laughing at the horse<br />
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Fun with props! This was totally Dawson. We were wrapping up, and we looked over to see Dawson had arranged the props into a nice hat for himself.<br />
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Love this pic of the boys. It's one of the only ones where Gabriel was smiling.<br />
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A nice smile! Those are hard to come by with him.<br />
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In October, our friends came back for a week. I picked them up and we all surprised Dawson when he came home from school. He was so excited!<br />
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We went to a pumpkin patch together. Getting them all to sit and look was tough, and Dawson was just not happy about being told to sit still, so he was making sure to express that for the camera!<br />
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Gabriel really enjoyed the pumpkins<br />
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Rain and Dawson. He was happy to have his friend back for a bit. He doesn't make friends easily, she's only the 2nd non-sibling child he's attached himself to. I did just hear there is a boy at school who he has been gravitating toward lately, and he happens to live at our apartment! I haven't seen him around, but hopefully by summer they can figure something out and play together!<br />
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Gabriel loved the petting barn! They had sheep, goat, llama and a horse. <br />
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We didn't do much for Halloween, but we did go to a local event earlier that week. They had a few animals to pet, some booths with candy, and a jumpolene. <br />
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My puppy Gabriel. The costume lasted about 10 minutes though, the floppy hood was too annoying for him.<br />
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The highlight of the afternoon was the jumpolene. He did this at the state fair as well, so he totally lit up when he saw this. He was waving at me everytime he got high up.<br />
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We did a babysitting swap with a friend. They have a dog, so Gabriel was very excited about that. <br />
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I love this face! Seriously, this child needs to stop looking so cute. Can I order about 2 more of these, please? ;) So far he's been such an easy little guy to deal with. He sure has his moments, but they are nothing like Dawson's moments! So after the first 2, Gabriel is a piece of cake.<br />
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I love fall and it's pretty colors! The snow is pretty too, but it's so cold, and sloppy. I'm not a big winter person, it's too cold, cloudy and depressing. <br />
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They were walking up and down the steps. It's so much more fun moving and not being told to sit still!<br />
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Afterward we went to the dam to watch the "waterfall". He was impressed.<br />
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My budding photographer took some pictures of Gabriel and I. He was getting chilly, so we were cuddling for a bit. <br />
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I helped a friend move, and she gave us this adorable chair! It even reclines. Gabriel is very impressed and loves his little chair. Dawson sits in it sometimes too. <br />
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Dawson today, he was playing with his mini pool table. Balls with colors and numbers. lots of different ways to sort and line them up!<br />
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I'm hoping to update this more often! I'm looking forward to getting back to a normal week of Dawson in school and me having some Mom stuff to go to. On Tuesday Dan and I are going to a parenting workshop about grieving children. Thursday is Dawson's yearly IEP meeting at school. On Friday I have a get-together with some of the most amazing ladies, my cancer moms group. Because even though some of our kids are gone, we will forever be in this group. The world of Childhood Cancer changes who you are, it changes your way of thinking and looking at the world, it changes how you parent, what you view as important, etc. Hopefully this will be a better week than the last. I liked this quote from a grieving page I found. It seems the whole weekend so far has been a big emotional release! Hopefully it will be less soon.</div>
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"<span class="userContent">You made it through Thanksgiving. The day has come and gone. Whether it was easier than you expected, harder (or both), the day is over. Often the day after has an emotional release. Rest today where you can. Be gracious to yourself, and tender. This is not an easy road."</span></div>
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-55478431247283441032012-10-05T20:25:00.000-05:002012-10-05T20:25:46.662-05:00Fun in the LeavesOctober! The time is going so fast. Dawson has been in school for a month and they finally did get him a para, but only subs everyday. Nobody is hired yet. The inconsistancy of it all has really been tough, especially with his behaviors. He has been really improving in some areas though, he's just a bit more on edge. He had an ear infection, then a viral rash, so he's been sent home twice in 2 weeks.<br />
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He still won't go to bed before he falls asleep, or is at least very close to sleep. I know it's Tyler related, but he never wants to talk about it. <br />
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He's been loving horse therapy! He only has 1 week left, I'm so bummed for him. He loves his horse and talks about her all the time to everyone. <br />
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Gabriel was watching tv. He's usually not very interested in tv, but since he's discovered that he can learn words there too, he's been tuning in. His vocabulary is getting huge! He even has several phrases now.<br />
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We had this in the hallway for a bit, while re-arranging and he decided it would make a great spot to play with his cars.<br />
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Everyday after school the boys sit on the couch and relax together. Gabriel loves it when he does flash cards or other word-learning apps. He's a very active learner. :)<br />
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Gabriel and I took a walk down to the river. There's a little downhill path. In the year we've lived here, I haven't gone down to the river before! It was fun, and very pretty with all the fall colors.<br />
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He was excited to find rocks, sticks and water<br />
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Pretty view! The adorable boy helps too.<br />
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I thought this was such a Tyler face. It's nice seeing him in glances and different angles. <br />
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Mommy and Gabriel<br />
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Egg and spoon race! <br />
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Northcrest Gym. Gabriel loved all the ground-level trampolines, foam pit, slide, and balance beams. He wasn't quite sure about the high balance beams though. <br />
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Foam pit<br />
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Sitting is a bit better<br />
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Dawson's school pic. For some reason, despite sending him in a nice shirt on the day they claimed was school pics day, we had the wrong day. He looks younger there though. Most of his pics lately have looked a little more mature I think. I was just curious which "Dawson face" they would end up with for school pics. They can get quite interesting and extreme when asked to smile! ;)<br />
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Gabriel loving the leaves<br />
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Dawson is very impressed with the number of leaves. He says "100 leaves, no...200!" <br />
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Lots of fun running aorund<br />
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Gabriel wasn't really in the mood for pics today, but thankfully Dawson was mostly cooperative, so we did ok.<br />
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Walking down to the river<br />
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Gabriel was pretty excited<br />
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Dawson was being super sweet today<br />
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Silly brothers<br />
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I told Dawson to smile. He produced this. I still can't stop laughing everytime I see this pic.<br />
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I love Gabriel's face. These boys are getting so close. It's fun to see, yet I can't help but wonder how their dynamics would be with all 3. <br />
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Dawson was being a good sport about pics. Gabriel was not in the mood!<br />
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He was better once Dawson started throwing leaves on him though.<br />
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Adorable boy<br />
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Gabriel had some bed-head this morning. He's such a happy kid in the morning.<br />
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Gabriel is uber excited about his new toy rocking horse. We found it at Once Upon a Child and he hasn't stopped playing with it much since! <br />
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He even gives his horse random hugs throughout the day.<br />
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Dawson likes it too, and has decided to name her Sanjay, just like his horse. <br />
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Today I asked Gabriel if he wants a nap and he ran to his room. He paused, and ran over to Tyler's bottom bunk instead of his crib. So he slept there. He did get up once. I heard him say "goodbye!" and he left the room, but a reminder about that nap made him run back in and then he fell asleep. Getting to be such a big boy.<br />
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It's been 11 months without Tyler now. Some things are better, some are worse. It's a rollercoaster. I was sick with a lung infection for 3 weeks, then a fever for 2 days. Dawson had an ear infection and a viral rash. Gabriel had an ear infection. Illness and similar things have really given Dawson a lot of anxiety. I got him from school and he was crying because he was sick. I told him we're just going home to rest and he was ok with that. Then the 102 fever hit and some raspy breathing, so I made him an appt and took him in. Upon hearing we were going to the Dr, he really started crying and freaking out. Turned out to be an ear infection and we just got some meds and went home. At any discomfort, he worries that he is sick. When he thinks sick, it's obvious he thinks of Tyler. He doesn't understand the different levels of sick. I have to explain repeatedly that he will get better quickly and it's not a bad type of sick. I hate that kids have to have such PTSD and anxiety. I'm hoping it won't get much worse than this. </div>
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Gabriel had his 18 month appointment yesterday. He is now 25 pounds, 8 ounces and 32 inches tall. His counts were finally good this time. His iron was within normal range and his cell size is much better too. Dr says to stop the iron and just take a vitamin with iron instead. I'm nervous to see how he'll do. Dawson is 43 pounds 8 ounces. </div>
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Fall makes me think of the Ronald McDonald House. Tyler's first fall was spent there, and his last fall we were there there too. He only had 1 at home, and he had so much fun in the leaves. In 2010 I said I missed RMH, there's just something about the fall and the warmth of all the people there that is so memorable. Tyler relapsed and I got another fall there! Not really what I actually wanted! Now it's fall again and I find myself missing it again. It's so weird, because the reason for being there is so much stress! Yet being inside on a cold day and having people to talk to, who can understand what we're going through because everyone there is suffering. Now we are still suffering, but are surrounded by nobody who knows what it's like. </div>
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Dawson and Tyler running through the leaves. October 2010. </div>
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I had a meeting with Dawson's team at school the other day. We all agreed that academics are not his weak spot! He already knows all the words required by the end of the year, they are working on counting to 10 and 20, while Dawson can count and recognize numbers into the thousands! She said she was quizzing him, and just kept going out of curiosity and he even knew odd numbers like 1,452 and said it correctly. They were asking if they can do an IQ test, mostly out of curiosity. I'm excited to see the results of that!</div>
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His social skills have really improved over the summer, thanks to some friends, having kids over a lot and working with the boys on sharing as well. The Autism Center did his yearly evaluation and dropped the Autism diagnosis! He is now back to PDD-NOS, which is Pervasive Developmental Disorder - not otherwise specified. In other words, he's still on the Autism spectrum, he just doesn't have "classic Autism". The PDD does mean he has social delays and other signs of Autism, he's just getting more high functioning and is able to learn lots! We were told that he would likely drop back into that category, but I was not expecting that to happen in just a year! He was given that diagnosis when he was 3, and then when the Autism experts evaluated, they gave him the full Autism diagnosis. It was great reading the reports and seeing all the progress. He did fall behind in 1 area, which is his emotional status, possible depression. I'm leaning more towards PTSD. He's seen more horrible things in his lifetime than most adults ever will, and worse, it was his brother, his best friend. Being that we started when he had no words and very limited understanding, it's hard to catch him up, to get him to look back and understand what all happened. Some days I wonder that myself! Most of the time he doesn't want to talk about it. He shuts down and I don't want to force him and make things worse. I just wish I knew what he was thinking, what all he understands. </div>
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I thought it would be amusing to share some of the goofy faces and pics that just didn't work so well.</div>
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Dawson was trying so hard to look happy and get Gabriel to hold still!</div>
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Giving up on holding him there, but here's a goofy smile!<br />
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What is with this shocked face? Tyler had a few of these too. <br />
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Tense up and be happy!<br />
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Can't forget Gabriel's tongue!<br />
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Not in the mood Gabriel, but Dawson was so cute in this one!<br />
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Lean in and smile!<br />
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Another mad Gabriel and adorable Dawson!<br />
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We backed up and went inside after that. :) </div>
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Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-41174086912250045502012-09-14T13:43:00.001-05:002012-09-14T13:44:20.000-05:00I Hope<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I hope you never have to hear the words “Your child has cancer”.</div>
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I hope you never have to hear “The prognosis is not good”.<br />
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I hope you never have to watch your child prepare to undergo<br />
chemo, have a “port” surgically implanted in their chest, be connected to an IV pole, look at you with fear in their eyes and say, “Don’t worry Mom, it’s going to be okay.”<br />
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I hope you never have to hold your child while they vomit green bile.I hope you never have to feed them ice chips for lunch.</div>
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I hope you never have to watch the “cure” you pray for slowly take<br />
away your child’s identity, as they, lose their hair, become skeletal, develop severe acne, become barely able to walk or move, and look at you with hope in their eyes and say, “It’s going to be okay Mom.”<br />
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I hope you never have to stay in the hospital for weeks at a time, where there is no privacy, sleeping on a slab, your face to the wall, where you cry in muffled silence.<br />
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I hope you never have to see a mother, alone, huddled in a dark hospital corridor crying quietly, after just being told “there’s nothing more we can do”.<br />
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I hope you never have to watch a family wandering aimlessly, minutes after their child’s body has been removed.<br />
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I hope you never have to use every bit of energy you have left, with all of this going on around you to remain positive, and the feelings of guilt, sorrow, hope, and fear overwhelm you.<br />
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I hope you never have to see your child’s head bolted to a table while they receive radiation.<br />
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I hope you never know what it is like to take you child home,<br />
(grateful but so afraid) in a wheelchair because the chemo has damaged their muscles, 35 pounds lighter, pale, bald, and scarred, And they look at you with faith in their eyes and say, “It’s going to be okay Mom.”<br />
<br />
I hope you never have to face the few friends that have stuck by you and hear them say, “Thank God it’s all over” because you know it will never be over.<br />
<br />
Your life becomes a whirl of doctors, blood tests, and MRI’s, and you try to get your life back to normal while living in mind-numbing fear that any one of these tests could result in hearing the dreaded words “The cancer has returned”.<br />
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And your friends become even fewer.<br />
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I hope you never have to experience any of these things. Because only then will you understand.<br />
<br />
Carol Baan<br />
March 12, 2003<br />
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I would also like to add a few of my own.</div>
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I hope you never have to make the decision to end your child's life, while wondering if that miracle is around the corner.</div>
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I hope you never have to watch your child struggle to wake up, as the Drs add more medicine to keep them down so they don't feel the intense pain.<br />
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I hope you never have to explain to a sibling that his best bud is not going to be with us anymore. </div>
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THANK YOU!!! To everyone who helped us out. Who stuck around. Who listened to us when we needed an ear. Who respected our decisions. Who do not judge our grieving process. Who brought us gifts. Who mailed us cards. Who took their time to stop by and help out. Who came to see us in the most difficult setting. Who flew across the country to meet us and take priceless pictures of our family. Who helped us move back home and bring our things in. Who brought me things at the hospital when I was unable to leave. Who took Dawson in when we couldn't keep him with us. Who left her family to live with us in the cities and help out. </div>
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Who came over when I called and said I can't be alone today. Who braved calling, even when there was nothing to be said. Who set up benefits and donated. Who got a Cars tatoo in his honor. Who named their baby after him. Who shares his pictures. Who still mentions his name and shares stories I haven't heard before. Who still sends cards. Who chats until late hours and keeps me distracted from the quiet house. Who still cleans my house when she comes over. Who watches my kids so I can do something theraputic for myself. Who gives me a hug with no words necessary. Who invited me in, called me, came to see me, without even knowing me. </div>
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I will forever remember all the wonderful people who have been involved in this process. YOU are a part of his story, one I will never forget. Tyler has brought a lot of people together. If not for him I wouldn't know half the friends I have today. Thank you for being there, and sticking with us. </div>
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-30456877352517450262012-09-11T23:28:00.002-05:002012-09-11T23:28:45.281-05:00My Amazing BoysI often get comments that Dawson is the most polite kid in school, or wherever we are. He has for a long time, just copied things he's heard us say, so obviously we try to keep that positive and we are huge on praising the good things. It's so nice hearing some of the phrases catch on and get used a lot. Some are just funny too, he's a very literal child, so some things, past tense, plurels, etc just go over his head. He also doesn't understand phrases like that. He'd be looking above his head if I told him that. Or even simpler ones. <br />
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Random funny and cute things I've heard Dawson say lately:<br />
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"You're a sweet pie, mommy."<br />
<br />
"Oh thank you mommy, you're doing awesome sharing crackers!"<br />
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"You're a sweet boy, mommy." (I tell him I'm a girl) "Oh. You're a sweet girl, mommy."<br />
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He rubs my face. "You're so sweet, mommy. You doing a good job."<br />
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"mmm, valilla crackers" (which is amusing since 3 weeks ago he couldn't say the L sound!)<br />
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"Dawson doing such a nice job. Dawson doing good, mommy?"<br />
<br />
"Look mommy, I got my dress on!" (he got dressed, but he dropps the "ed" when he says past tense!)<br />
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"Say, You're awesome, Dawson" (I say it, he grins big)<br />
<br />
I asked him if I can give him a hug. "Ok, but just a small hug"<br />
<br />
"Look mommy (points to my armpit), that's rough! And this (points to my arm) is smooth!" (Gee thanks, buddy, I'll get on that)<br />
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As he's walking through walmart he starts pointing and saying the words to match "left, right, up down" (repeat many times) <br />
<br />
"Mommy, can we get toy?" I tell him no, I don't have the money for that now. "Can we go find a quarter, mommy?" (he thinks things cost a quarter. I wish!) <br />
<br />
"Gabriel, you need to say Please first!"<br />
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"Mommy, Dawson is silly!" "Is Dawson silly?" (yep) "Yeah, Dawson IS silly!" (we're still working on the speaking in 3rd person thing) <br />
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"Thank you mommy, tummy feels better. You doing awesome!"<br />
<br />
"Chew it up good, mommy!"<br />
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"See mommy, I being nice to Gabriel."<br />
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He also randomly comes up to me and gives me a hug and/or a pat on the head or back.<br />
<br />
Every morning he says "moon went down, sun came up!"<br />
<br />
Every night he says "the sun is down and the moon is up!"<br />
<br />
He asked "stars make the rain mommy?" I told him it's the clouds, so now he sees clouds and says "clouds making rain?" He's so curious about how things work, especially the sky. <br />
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Tyler has moved to the front of the sibling list, and if he's naming the whole family, he often puts Tyler first in front of everyone. <br />
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When I tell him he gets to ride his horse today, he lights up and goes through all the info. Sonjay likes treats! I say woah to stop and walk on to go. Sonjay does such good listening! I give her treats! His teacher at ASTRIDE says he's doing wonderful and has made so much progress with his 4 sessions. <br />
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Gabriel always does this and I think it's so cute and funny! He sits at the end of his crib, legs through the slots, just looking at the door. Often he doesn't even fuss, or he'll fuss a bit, then I'll say I'm coming and he'll stop and just grin when I walk in. So adorable!<br />
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Hi mom, I'm done with my nap!<br />
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My view walking in the door. I guess he has to get as close to the door as possible. Which is amusing since the other 2 figured that standing and screaming would get them closer than sitting. <br />
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Gabriel has been saying lots!!<br />
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"NO!" or "NoNoNoNoNoNooooo" <br />
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"Help me!" (His toy was stuck)<br />
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"Woof!" (any animal may or may not make dog sounds)<br />
<br />
Daddy, Dad, Mommy, Mom, Dawson, Gabriel, Katie, Buddy, Sarah. He's saying lots of names, and even remembers them! We pulled into Katie's driveway and he says "Katie! Woof!" She has 2 little dogs and he loves them. :)<br />
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More, a-done (all done), please, thank you, yum yum YUMMY, uh oh, me, oh no, yes, cracker, ice cream, chicken, cheese, this, that, yay, car, truck, train, dog. <br />
<br />
It's getting to the point where he's trying to imitate much of what we say. I tell him what something is, and he really thinks about it and tries to say it. So neat! It's all happening so fast. Tyler had several words, but never this much. Makes me sad that I wasn't able to hear more things. With every milestone and achievement, there's also sadness because he's passing Tyler up. I dreaded this, but I was hoping to get another year before it happened. <br />
<br />
Yesterday it was colder out, so I put pants and socks on Gabriel. I realized as I pulled out his socks, that they were too small. Next size up were Tyler's. They fit perfectly. Socks are one of those things I decided was manageable. Really, it's just socks, right? I guess we'll find out. Like most things, we just go with what feels ok. Even the littlest things are difficult. <br />
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Can I wake up yet? I really want to cuddle my sweet boy again. <br />
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Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-62284916424578426422012-09-09T23:22:00.000-05:002012-09-09T23:23:06.537-05:00Tough WeekDawson started school on the 5th and is really enjoying it. We have a problem with the school not following Special Ed para laws, so I am working on changing that. A new special ed student was added at the last minute and they stuck him in Dawson's class, with his para. She is already being shared between 2 kids, which is the max allowed. Now she has 3, and he is lower functioning and she doesn't have time for Dawson. Not ok! I have emailed several people and they are all scurrying to fix the problem. I should hear some answers on Monday, they said. Other than that, he says he's having fun. His first day of school I drove him in, because my alarm didn't go off! I woke up at the exact time school starts, 7:40am. Not a great start to the school year, but I am so thankful that we were late, because otherwise I wouldn't have known what was going on in his classroom with his helper. <br />
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Thankfully that morning went pretty well, he can be a bit pokey in the morning. He was so excited for school, I could barely get him to hold still for a picture!<br />
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Just a bit excited. :)<br />
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This little boy is just killing me. While getting out Dawson's lunchbag, I found a green car, unopened. I'd gotten the bag at RMH and had hidden the car in there for Tyler, because his favorite one was green and it was looking worn and then I found that one. With everything though, I forgot to give it to him. So I gave it to Gabriel, who's favorite car is also that crappy looking green car. I wish I'd done a video of his response, he said the exact thing, in the exact tone that Tyler did when I gave him his last monster truck, which is also one of Gabriel's favorites. He said "a car!", and that voice, I mean, I have heard him say car before, and it's similar, but this was exact. Other than Tyler's arm-flapping, it was like re-living a scene or something. Then he proceeded to go play with his precious cars. Gabriel also figured out how to walk down curbs and other very small steps without needing support. He can walk up them too, something Tyler was never able to do because of his weak leg muscles. I was shocked when he did it at first, so many things I keep forgetting regular kids are able to do. Such a strong little guy. He impresses me everyday! <br />
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Mama got a bit spoiled this week. There has been a growing list of stuff I need or want to get, and I got the go-ahead, so I had some fun shopping this weekend. A couple of pans have broken, since we've been using garage sale pots and pans that we got before our wedding 7 years ago! Nice to have new stuff, and lucky me, there was a nice sale at Target too!<br />
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I also got boots! Will be nice for around the barn. Right now I have running shoes that I've been wearing, but the sand comes in since they vent air on the sides. So now I won't ruin my socks working with the kids and horses. I also got an invite to take the test to ride this winter! I'm excited. I knew a select few are able to come work with the horses during the winter and ride them so they stay obedient. I just wasn't expecting an invite, and I've been too shy and self-doubting to ask. After helping with some training last week, she asked. The 2nd week in October is Dawson's last week, and also the last week of the season for ASTRIDE. The kids will come back in the spring. <br />
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I also love the Target dollar section! Colorful puzzle pieces are the Autism symbol, so I got the last 2 and also the hands, plus a metal trash bin, all for $2! His therapy/play room has needed some more organization lately, so these will be nice to have. <br />
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Gabriel was so excited the other day to get that car, he wouldn't even give it up at bedtime! I changed his diaper and asked for the cars. He said "no", and lifted his body towards me, still cudding the cars. So I just put him to bed, and this is how he fell asleep. He has claimed Tyler's Cars pillow too. <br />
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For me, this has been a tough week. Every happy thing has been met with something sad. Dawson gets off the bus and I wonder how Tyer would've done on his first bus ride this year. I went to Sears, looking for jeans for Dawson. I really didn't think jean shopping would be risky, but when I walked around the corner of the boy's section, there it was. Tyler's red, white and blue striped shirt that he often wore, on the shelf. Suddenly I could barely breathe, the tears flowed over instantly and it was all I could do to get 1 more clothing rack over, into the corner so I could hide, hoping nobody else would come along. About 10 minutes and ton of kleenex later, I finally made my way out of there, no doubt looking awful. People were looking at me funny, I was in too much pain to care. Some things don't hit me and I think they will. Other times I'm not expecting it. <br />
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I then went to Target for a gift for my mom, and also got my cookware set, then headed to the card section. Mistake #2. When already emotional, never walk into the card section!! But it's just a birthday card, a happy "yay you're still getting old and are so awesome" card for my mom, right? No. The first one I picked up was all mushy and said "thank you mom for preparing me for a bright future". Well crap, there goes the waterworks, and again there are people staring. Thankfully it was not as bad and got under control quickly. I'm getting better at it, deep breathing, shaking myself off, plastering that fake smile on my face, and wondering if anyone else can see past it. I thought maybe this would get better over time, but really, nothing has changed. Some days are fine, sometimes I can go a whole day without crying. Other days it seems the whole day just eats me up. <br />
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I saw this picture on Rockstar Ronan's blog (<a href="http://rockstarronan.com/">http://rockstarronan.com/</a>) and it's so fitting. Taylor Swift worked with Ronan's mom and they wrote this song about her son, who died from Neuroblastoma, the day before his 4th birthday. It's a very touching song and I can relate to it so much. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvN7BOAQn9I">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvN7BOAQn9I</a><br />
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When I'm especially missing Tyler, it helps to put pictures of him on my facebook and my blog. It helps, especially when everyone has been so nice about it. I always worry that people will get tired of me posting pics, and going on and on about him on facebook, but I need to, and it's not about to end soon, so if anyone is annoyed, you know where the delete button is. <br />
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The first week of September is not only about school, but it is a harsh reminder of Tyler's transplant. The 6th was the day we moved into UofM hospital. Tyler was in a pretty good mood that day, and happily ate his lunch and enjoyed the awesome view of cars on the street below. <br />
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Gabriel and Tyler hanging out, 1 year today, Sept 9th. It was his surgery day, his 7th one. His hickman line had snapped. Again. I'm so glad we have pics of them together. I just wish he was here to play today, they are so alike and would make such good buddies, driving their cars all over.<br />
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This was also the last week he was doing things like running around, or even walking and standing without pain.<br />
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Playing trains<br />
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Drawing<br />
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This was after his surgery that day. To think I used to look at him after surgery and think he looks so sad. Now seeing his clear skin and how good he looks, he even had a few hairs that had snuck back in his 1 month without chemo. <br />
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I seriously want to look like this after surgery. This boy was amazing. He'd want to hop down off the table after getting a huge hallow needle shoved into his hip bones. Or run out of the surgery unit after being under anesthesia. He was mad that I wouldn't let him, it was too risky because he was so loopy. That strength was just amazing.<br />
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September is also Childhood Cancer Awareness Month! Too bad almost nobody knows it. All we see is the pink ribbons popping up in the stores for October. Their month is overshadowed by it, and nobody talks about it. There are so many false assumptions about childhood cancer. Here's some facts.<br />
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- Kids get 10x the dose of adults because kid's cancer is much more agressive. There are also childhood cancers that adults do not get, they are only found in kids. Those cancers have a very poor survival rate because there are no "hand-me-downs" for it, and little research money.<br />
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- Relay for Life - NOT very supportive to childhood cancer!! 80% of their donations goes to pay their CEOs and only 1 penny out of every dollar goes to the kids. They just like using us for our adorable advertising opportunities. <br />
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- Every Day, 47 kids are diagnosed with cancer, and 7 kids die. Every Single Day. <br />
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- It is the #1 disease killer of children. <br />
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If you want to donate, <a href="http://www.curesearch.com/">www.curesearch.com</a> is the most trusted research organization for childhood cancer. They have all Tyler's records and they only focus on kids and research, not their CEOs. I don't trust many other places, as far as research donations go. Some smaller organizations just give to them anyway, so I'd rather just do it direct. CureSearch works directly with Children's Hospital, St. Judes and all the big places! <br />
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Tyler has become a popular little boy lately! He is on many awareness posters, some from the US and some in other countries! Here's a few of them. He's on this website <a href="http://www.brennansbuddies.org/">www.brennansbuddies.org</a> and their poster. </div>
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He's on the right side of this one. </div>
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Who knew I'd end up with a poster child. I'd really just rather have him back and watch him color on my walls, make huge messes, throw big tantrums and be a kid. <br />
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I think this one, it's so true.<br />
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Lets hope this coming week is a better one, though that is uncertain, being that I'm starting it out with an 8 year old's funeral. RIP Jane. <a href="http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/janefiemeyer">http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/janefiemeyer</a> Seems like just yesterday it was me, attending my child's funeral, standing up there in front of 100 people, talking about his life. Completely numb to it all. I remember bits and pieces, but I hope nobody is counting on me remembering anything they said. <br />
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Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-85940010613580477612012-08-31T22:20:00.000-05:002012-09-01T22:20:50.012-05:00August<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s been a while again, we’ve had such a busy summer! I’m
currently (tues night) at my friend Tasha’s house. Her son Rilee needs constant
medical attention and his home care nurse for the evening was unavailable and
they couldn’t find backup. I had checked facebook just one more time before
leaving for Dawson’s Open House to meet his teacher. The first status I saw was
from Tasha, saying she’d have to stay up all night to care for him and then
work all day. That is rough! She’s an hour away, but I asked if I could come
help her out tonight so she could get some sleep. She had another friend come
over too. They are both sleeping. I guess being a night owl has its advantages.
</span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dawson’s Open House went great! His teacher is such a sweet
person and so is his Special Ed teacher. We were the first to arrive, so we got
some time to chat with her, which I was relieved for. Dawson seems to like his
new classroom. He found his locker and cubby in the classroom. We looked at the
gym, cafeteria and library. His preschool didn’t have a real library, so he was
excited to see the room full of books. He wanted to go get some books right
away! Turns out a boy from our apartment is in his class too, though we haven’t
met him yet.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">After the Open House we dropped Daddy off at home and headed
to Astride. He started Horse Therapy last week and will go every Tuesday for 8
weeks. They are 1 hour sessions. He brushes, saddles, then gets to ride. They
do stretches and work on balance, learn how to stop and turn, go over ground
poles, weave cones, back up, and do some fun games like a bean bag toss. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s doing great! His teacher says he will go
far and he picks up on things so quickly! This was only his second week and he
has already graduated from the surcingle, which is just a handle to hold onto
and they sit on the saddle blanket. They gave him an English saddle, which has
no horn, so all balance has to be done with his body, not holding on. He’s
already saying “walk on”, “woah” and pulling back to stop. He pulls the reins
to the side to turn and didn’t even need to be reminded how to do any of that
at the beginning of class. He sits so tall and has excellent balance. They also
have them ride backwards for balance. Last week he went about 10 steps and wasn’t
very comfortable with it. Today he took 2 laps backwards and was grinning the
whole way, exclaiming about how silly it is to ride backwards! They played Red
Light, Green Light at the end and then brought the horse back to the barn and
gave her a treat. He’s been talking about it all week and had an even better
time tonight. It’s great seeing him so excited about something. He loves
animals, and having something to learn like that is very good. They go at the
kid’s own pace; he has 1 other child in his class. He loved having me walking
beside him the first week. This week I just sat on the sidelines so I could
take pics, watch and enjoy that way. I found that I much prefer helping though!
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">He first tacks up his horse, as much as he can. He can't really reach up high enough to put the saddle on, but he "helps", then he clips the reins on. They are color coded for the kids who don't know left and right, though he does. </span></span></div>
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For each child there is a team of 3, plus the teacher in the middle instructing everyone. There is a horse leader and 2 side walkers. Dawson will probably just need 1 sidewalker soon. They start everyone off with 2 until they see what level of balance they have. <br />
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Backwards! He thought it was so silly.<br />
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Basketball! Another balance game, to be able to focus on something else and keep balance without holding on. He did awesome.<br />
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Feeding Sonjay some treats at the end.<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve been volunteering all summer, it’s been fun. The girls
I was watching spent 4 nights with us while their parents went and found a
house to rent. I helped them pack up and move. It was so hard seeing them go. I
got so close to their family in the short 8 months that I’ve known them! I’m
house-sitting their place, so that’s been a nice little project on the side. I’ve
been working on some cleaning and things. It’s nice having stuff to focus on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I stopped my depression meds a week ago. It was a low dose
to start with, and I just didn’t think they were being very beneficial. Grief
depression is a tough one, because often meds don’t really help anyway. They
did seem to make things better and helped me through the beginning, but I just
found it unnecessary and I’d rather not be on meds if I can help it. So with
the ok from my Dr I stopped. It was a rough first week; I had headaches, dizzy
spells, nightmares and other symptoms. I’d been told that could happen between
4-7 days as the meds are leaving. Even while on the meds, it wouldn’t take much
at all to throw me back into a funk. I decided if people’s words and actions
can have that big of an affect on me, I just need to get rid of the negativity.
So I went through and weeded my facebook. I deleted about 400 people. Some I
just didn’t know, many added to follow Tyler mostly and I haven’t talked to
them since, and others were just negative additions to my life. Since then I’ve
felt more surrounded by support and real friends. My funk lifted and things
were much better. I’ve been focusing on eating better, exercising and positive
people. I’m just monitoring how things are going and hopefully I’ll be able to
stay in a good place and won’t need the extra help. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m excited for the school year to start. Not for the early
wake-up time, but the freedom during the day will be so nice. I’ve been
surprised at how many people don’t realize I’ve been stuck at home Monday
through Friday, 9-5 since November. Sometimes I can plan for the therapist to
go somewhere with us, but it can only be places where his goals can be worked
on, which is harder than you’d think. I have a moms group on Tuesday mornings
and MOPS on Thursday mornings, the rest of the week I’m not sure about, but it
will be nice to have those 2 guaranteed days of positive support and adult
interaction. I already have friends asking to get on my calendar for my free
days, and that means so much to me. I have a list of people I want to visit and
spend time with, and to have them come to me first just made my day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We went to the State Fair over the weekend. It went very
well! Dawson loved the rides. He is quite the wild child! He was asking to go
on huge rides that are not made for kids. Crazy boy. He loved the ones he went
on though, and he even tried new foods! He shared a crepe with Dan and some
corn fritters. He’s been doing so good accepting new foods. Still going very
slow, but so much better than before! We watched fireworks at the end and the
boys slept all the way home and didn’t even wake up when we brought them from
the car to their beds. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Waiting in line for the bungee tramplines. His Autism was showing a bit. ;)</span></div>
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Harnessed up!<br />
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So high! He was yelling "Look mom, I'm SO high!" and laughing.<br />
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Mini ferris wheel<br />
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He did great sitting with other kids on the rides. <br />
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He got to fly! I wasn't sure if my crazy boy would like this one, since he's not been on anything where you don't sit. But he was adamant that he wanted to fly high. He totally loved it and was shouting "mom look, I'm flying!"<br />
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Flying<br />
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Dan and Gabriel watching rides<br />
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Dan got a peek at the new four wheeler he is building the engine for at work. :)<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span id="goog_868245123"></span><span id="goog_868245124"></span><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dawson has been doing awesome. His supervising therapist
says one of her concerns for kindergarten is him getting bored and not
challenged enough while waiting for other kids to catch up. He already can read
simple books and knows lots of words. He can do basic addition; write words,
cut out shapes, trace, glue, etc. He’s been working hard on all those skills
for a long time and the ipad has really opened a lot of doors for learning
those skills as well. It feels good sending him to kindergarten with so many
skills. Hopefully he can work more on his social skills and not have to worry
about being frustrating with learning those things. Another awesome thing is
having people say “wow, I wouldn’t have known he has Autism!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I heard that one today, from a nurse too! Some
moments it is very obvious. At the state fair he was waiting in line for the
bungee trampoline jumping and his Autism was very much showing and everyone was
smiling and talking about how cute he was. It’s great to have those positive
experiences, instead of the nasty looks and judgmental comments. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dawson at a family reunion</span><br />
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Dawson's friend had a pirate party and going away party. He wasn't sure about that eye patch, but he did leave it on for about 3 minutes. We're really missing our friends. Dawson keeps asking to go over there or have them over and doesn't quite understand that they have moved so far away. <br />
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Pinata!<br />
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Dawson's loot. He put all his suckers in his pocket and was posing for a pic. <br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gabriel has been learning so many new words! He said dog,
puppy, Katie, woof, wahoo, more, up, help, all done, and many more. He says new
words every day, it’s amazing. He got to play with Katie, her kids and little
dogs today. He loves going there. He did that while Dawson and I did the Open
House and Astride. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gabriel and my mom</span><br />
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Gabriel and his best buddy. They are so adorable! This summer has been so much fun having them around. <br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Coming back to finish this blog, 2 days later. Things got
crazy and I wasn’t able to finish it. I stayed up the entire night on Tuesday
and was doing good. Tasha made us some coffee and left for work. We only had a
30 minute gap between her leaving and when the next nurse came for her shift.
We told her it would be fine. Five minutes later, Rilee started fussing. He
needed a lot of suctioning and was throwing his head back and making a huge
fuss. I had been nursing Gabriel, so I went over to help her suction and get
him calmed down. I took him and got him calmed down, but he was clammy and his
breaths were different. He was very upset still. I looked him over a bit and
saw that his Trach tube had come out of his neck! My first thought was to just
stick it back in, but then I wasn’t sure of protocol, if sticking it back in
would be an infection risk or not. I was certainly not going to be the cause of
something bad for this little guy! I had no clue if she had new ones, so I
called Tasha. No answer! So I called 911, because her friend was asking me to, and
I had no idea how long he could go without his Trach. His oxygen stats were
just fine at the moment, but he was all upset about it. So they show up and
said they have no experience with “those things” and didn’t even know if
blowing oxygen at him was doing any good. Thankfully his mom showed up soon after.
He was brought to Children’s in the ambulance, since he has a lump of tissue
making it difficult to get his tube back in. He is supposed to be without it in
a month or 2 anyway. </span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The experience made me realize how lucky we were to never
have a home emergency like that. We had many emergencies, but they were all at
the hospital. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We made it home ok, but skipped our playdate scheduled for
that day. Exhaustion was kicking in, so we just relaxed at home. Gabriel took a
nap and surprisingly I couldn’t even sleep! Go figure. I thought I’d be out
cold at the first available opportunity! The last couple days have been tiring
as well. Gabriel got a fever Wednesday night, but most of the day was ok. I figured
it was very random, maybe teething or something. We went to the Humane Society
and played with some animals. We played with a dog, held a small adorable cat,
a rabbit and a guinna pig. They had lots of fun, Dawson even held the smaller
animals. He wanted to hold a mouse too, but those are just too small and fast
for him to handle. Gabriel kept looking at all the animals and saying “woof!”.
It was adorable. He loved petting them all and was so gentle. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Last night, Gabriel’s fever was back and he even woke up at
4am feeling miserable. The fever kept on today and he wasn’t eating anything. I
figured it was a virus until he started itching his ear a bit. I took him in
and sure enough, it was an ear infection. Our first one! We’ve been lucky with
ears so far. Thankfully it was something simple and not contagious. He’s taking
his meds very well since he’s used to those. I think he’s happy for something
that tastes better than his Iron. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My miserable little boy. He didn't even want his favorite snack.</span><br />
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Sleepy boy and his favorite truck, which ironically was Tyler's favorite truck also!<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve been having a harder time with Dawson this week, he’s
been constipated and his behavior has been horrible. It’s so hard to monitor
that now that he’s potty trained and flushes the moment he goes. So I’ve bumped
up the laxatives again and thankfully things have been going a bit better,
though he has a ways to go behavior-wise. I just hope he’s more back to normal
by the first day of school, which is only 3 days!! Yikes, it's suddenly coming up so fast, and I still need a few things. Was going to finish shopping this week, but then Gabriel wasn't feeling good. Hopefully tomorrow! He's been up and around more today. :)</span></div>
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7696279751017849565.post-26486220818867365322012-08-03T14:40:00.002-05:002012-08-03T17:39:23.930-05:00Sleepover and the FairWe've had a busy week, my friend's husband was out of town, so we took a few of her kids off her hands. Tuesday we just had them for the afternoon, then Wednesday we just ended up doing a sleepover. They had so much fun! <br />
<br />
Two buddies, Gabriel and Alchemy<br />
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Gabriel, Alchemy and Skye<br />
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Alchemy being a little ham. This boy is such an adorable cuddlebug. I wanted to keep this little guy, cuddles make everything better, and I sure don't mind that either! My boys are more of "yeah you've kissed me, can I go now?" kids. :)<br />
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Splish splash, 4 kids in the bath! They loved their ball pit bath. I'm not used to girls though, and combing their hair. I just remember how much I hated that when I was a kid. So many tangles.<br />
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Testing out the air mattress before bed. It never feels like we have 5 kids, it sounds like a lot, but then as I look around I keep expecting there to be more. Skye (3) is in red, Gabriel (16mo) in blue, Dawson on the left (5), Rain is upside down (5), and Alchemy in green (19mo). It's a little more crazy when their 2 year old autistic sister and the 3 month old baby are here, but we like crazy. As long as crazy goes home eventually! Which is part of why I take them, because if I had 5 kids under 5, I would be begging for a break! But it's really fun while they're here. :)<br />
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Playground! I let them bring toys out, as long as they helped carry them all.<br />
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Found a use for those hospital bottles.<br />
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Skye recently cut her hair, with her sister's help. Though if you ask her, she says her mom cut her hair! I said "really, it was your mom?" and she says "wellll, I did, but my mom cut it more!" haha<br />
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Gabriel loved the slide, he does it all by himself now! He's getting so big.<br />
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Climbing up by himself. <br />
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Skye<br />
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Alchemy was excited to ride the trike. <br />
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I think they had as much fun pushing as he did riding!<br />
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Thursday evening we went to the fair. Dawson got to ride a camel! <br />
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Showing off with his parade wave. :)<br />
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Gabriel rode a pony, he was excited to get on one again. He was reaching over to pet the pony as he rode and everything. <br />
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Such a little cowboy. He rode with just 1 hand on the horn! <br />
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Carousel. The guy started it up before I got them both on a horse, and a kid pushed past and got on the one next to us, so they ended up sharing a horse. <br />
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Gabriel was excited to ride the cars. I shouldn't have gotten him a wristband, there wasn't many rides at all he could do, but we had fun. He did do about 4 rides. <br />
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Dawson came and sat with him in the car. <br />
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Daddy and Gabriel, watching Dawson on a ride. Gabriel was so upset that he couldn't ride more of them. When Tyler was a year old, he had no interest in rides, he just liked watching them! Gabriel needs to be in on all the fun though! <br />
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The slide. We've had bad luck with the slide, 2 years in a row now! Last year, the guy told Tyler he was too short, even though he was exactly the height required. He rolled his eyes and said "there's always next year". Thankfully it wasn't the same guy this year. Dawson did the slide all by himself this year. He stands in lines so well. I told him "you're behind the boy in the blue shirt", and he stuck to him like glue. Then another boy, older than him, cut in line. Dawson looked confused, looked at me and I told his mom that Dawson was behind the boy in blue. Issue fixed. Then the boy kept touching Dawson, and pushing him out of the way. Dawson got fed up and pushed him back. The mom only saw Dawson push, she'd been talking to a friend and missed the rest. So she yelled at Dawson, then yelled at me, saying her son is Autistic and doesn't understand. <br />
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At that word, I had hope. Mothers are usually understanding because they know Autism and it's social awkwardness. I said "my son is Autistic too!", in an understanding, relieved tone. Finally, someone who understands Autism. I was imagining smiles and understanding to follow. Instead I heard "I don't care! It's not ok to push!". Um... what?! That was not expected at all. I knew it was a lost cause, I didn't even tell her that her son was doing the same thing. She was still yelling, Dawson started crying, her son started crying.Then she noticed him crying and just gave me a dirty look and walked off with him in a huff. I saw her son later doing rides. Had we talked through it and had them apologize, things would've stayed calm. Autistic kids feed off those angery emotions so much, and it's such a bad example to just go off and yell at people! Dawson was so shaken up by it all, that he refused going on any rides after that, even his favorite ride that he hadn't gotten to try yet. He just sat in the stroller, looking close to tears as he looked at all the rides on the way out. I gave him time to simmer down, Gabriel rode the carousel with me once more, but Dawson was still too shaken up to want to stand in any more lines. At least he still did the slide.<br />
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It just ruined our whole night though. It's already hard going to places and having fun, missing Tyler. Plus yesterday marked 9 months since Tyler died, so that was on our mind, plus the fact that this fair was the last place we got to take him. It was already tough, we really didn't need any drama. I wish people would look at both sides. Once she said he had Autism, my annoyed thoughts of the child immediately went away. Where is people's compassion? We're all just trying to have a good time, a little patience and understanding would go a long way. What gets me the most is when it's other special needs parents, and friends, who in theory should be understanding and compassionate. Yet they jump to conclusions without a thought about what might actually be going on. Think before you judge people, because nobody knows what someone else is going through and what their story is. Everyone is fighting a battle of some sort. Be kind. "Love thy neighbor!"<br />
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Gabriel on the carousel<br />
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Thankfully Dawson did perk up just long enough to hold some animals. I was relieved. He loves animals, and has been more interested in them, with his imaginary pets and all. :) He decided to hold a chicken. I wasn't sure if he'd want to hold the chirping, flapping, kicking little thing, but he was adamant and determined. He did it! That face is priceless. <br />
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Then he got to hold a duck. So cute and fuzzy! Gabriel pet the animals, and I didn't get any pics because I was too busy just making sure he didn't injure them! He held out a finger and let me help him pet the chicken's head. But the duck, that thing has a good neck for a handle! Before I got his hand, he had grabbed the poor duck's neck and looked so proud of himself. That poor duck. I managed to pry his fingers off without injuring the poor thing, and we let him have a break back in his cage after showing Gabriel the proper way to pet a duck. His favorite animal was the horses though. Gabriel really wanted to climb in with them. He's related to his mommy I'm thinking. ;)<br />
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I'm not sure what it was, but this morning both boys woke up and immediately threw up. That made for a smelly, exhausting morning, but thankfully it seemed to be a one time thing. They had pizza at the fair, and I'm thinking maybe it was just too greasy or something. They aren't used to that really greasy stuff. After a nap they both seem to be fine. Knock on wood! I'm really hoping so, because we have a very busy weekend, between donating stuff to a family, going to a grieving families picnic and having Dawson evaluation for his horse therapy that's starting in just 2 weeks!Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12586612686670386670noreply@blogger.com1