Dawson is 4 years old!

Wow, 4 seems like such a big number! It's a milestone for both of us. He has come so far since he started school and therapy at 2 1/2 years old. He looks so much older now, his baby face is gone and he's such a handsome toddler. In a way I can't believe I've been a mom for 4 years, but in many ways it feels longer. I can hardly remember life before motherhood! I've also been nursing for 4 years straight now, since the boys all overlapped eachother. Who would've known, since I had some struggles with it in the very beginning with Dawson.

We had Dawson's party at my mom's house since our apartment is still a mess from moving. It was us, my parents, siblings, grandma and Dan's sister. He had lots of fun blowing out candles, eating cake and getting presents. He wasn't so sure about being sung to though, he kinda ducked down and wasn't sure what to do with himself.

His running away is really getting frustrating. He just likes being on the go. He doesn't feel much seperation anxiety in stores, so he just runs off and does what he wants. I like going to Walmart and Target because they have the carts made to hold 3 kids. I can shop without the stress of losing my kid. He usually does ok following, until he doesn't want to anymore. He gets hung up looking at toys and things. So I have to pry him away. He'll get bored if we stop to look at something, so he'll wander off to find something interesting to look at. He'll go find the toy or baby aisle, and while I do know where he's going, because he's very predictible, it's still not safe for him to be wandering off. I've tried the child harness, it just creates a huge scene. He screams at an impressive volume, I'm quite sure the entire store hears him. He drops on the floor, screams, and refuses to move. I've tried putting him in the cart basket, he tries to climb out.

Another issue is at the hospital. He loves elevators. While I sign us in, he watches the elevators and greets people. He'll say "hi" and then "bye, see ya!" as the doors close. People freak out and think he's going to get on the elevator with them. He also pushes the button everytime we walk past, even if we don't need the elevator. Then he needs to watch for it to come, open and close. Getting him to leave before that happens will end in a tantrum.

The other day we had his speech evaluation. It was a bit stressful, but we made it through. They only had a ball toy out, so the boys both fought over it. Tyler took a ball and ran to the corner of the room. Dawson, who had 3 other balls, but must have all of them in order to play, ran after him, got the ball and shoved Tyler to the floor. Tyler got up, caught up to Dawson, grabbed his shirt in a tackle and got his ball back. He then ran to the garbage can in the corner, ditched the ball there and ran away, knowing that Dawson would ignore him and just go after the ball. While busy getting the other ball, Tyler went over and grabbed a different ball that Dawson had already lined up to play with. Dawson got back, got mad and shoved Tyler into the wall. Tyler gave up the ball. Speech therapist got a good look at what I meant when I said I wanted to work on sharing and using communication when frustrated! I was nursing Gabriel while all this went on and the speech therapist was trying to break it up, but they were both totally ignoring her and kept dodging away from her. The biggest immediate issue is that Tyler should not be thrown around like that. I don't carry him around on pillows, but he shouldn't be shoved into a wall. His counts are often low and that can cause bruising and even brain bleeds if his platelets are very low.

While scheduling Dawson's speech appointments, which will be the same day and time each week, 1 hour sessions once a week, Dawson ran out of the speech office. She was just printing up my time sheet for me, so I got that and headed after him. Weaving past children, through toys and through a small door with a double stroller isn't always the easiest thing! I knew he would be watching the elevator, so I headed around the corner to go get him. He usually stands or sits on the bench and watches the people come and go. Instead I found him crouched behind the bench in a corner with a lady holding her arms out, telling him to come with her to find his mommy. He had that "no way!" look on his face and was trying to get away from her, but was backed into a corner. A security officer had just wandered over and was starting to get on his walkie talkie. I went over and claimed him. The lady claimed he was trying to get on the elevator with her, but since she had a stroller with her, he would've just been holding the elevator door open for her. He knows that if you put your hand in front of the door, it won't close. So he holds the door for people so it won't try to close on them. He seems to have invented the position of "Elevator Greeter". We left and I decided to look for some sort of info tag to pin my phone number on his shirt incase he gets lost so they can call me. I'm still working on that. Since he's obsessed with tape, I can't just stick a sticker on his shirt. I'm thinking a pin, but I'll have to make one since I couldn't find anything like that.

The next day (friday) we went to the Children's clinic for Tyler's labs. Dawson was screaming about being stuck in the room. He wanted to play PacMan in the waiting room/playroom around the corner. It's very closed off and his nurse said they have siblings stay out there all the time. So she let him go out there and told the desk ladies that he would be playing, so they could watch to make sure he doesn't go out the door. He was nicely playing with things when someone wondered who's child it was and called security. The nurses say they have no clue why because kids play there all the time. They must've missed the memo. So they explained when the security officer came that it was a misunderstanding, but the guy had to make a report since he got a call and he has to record everything he gets calls on.

The next day (saturday), we went shopping. I rarely go to Toys R Us, but they have things that other stores don't, so I like seeing what they have. Dawson spotted a gumball machine by the exit door. There's a gumball machine on a kid website we go to, so he thought that was neat. He found a small gumball machine that he wanted me to get, but since he can't have them, I didn't get it. He was getting hooked on different toys throughout the store, it was a bit tough to keep him going. We passed the registers to go look at movies and suddenly he ran into the short aisle behind us and was gone. I looked down every aisle over there. I looked at the gumball machine by the door, the toy aisles that he was interested in before. The store is pretty easy to just see all the way across, but I couldn't see him anywhere. After scanning the aisles all the way across the store, I told the first employee I saw, who got on her walkie talkie and called a code Adam. I was impressed at how fast he was found. Employees all over walked the aisles and all over. They went and stood by each door and he was found within 30 seconds, standing by the door, just around the corner by the gumball machine. I had even looked over there! I was just relieved he was found. I told him the time before that he would have to sit in the stroller if he can't stay by me. He was shocked to find out that even with Tyler and Gabriel in the stroller, I still found a seat for him! I took Gabriel's carseat out of the stroller and put Dawson in there. He wasn't happy, but he seemed to know he'd earned that one, so he didn't complain much.

I looked online and found some things, like a locating beeper you can attach to the child so you can find them and other things like that. It's frustrating because he's sometimes very good, but then we'll have a bad day or week. I think this hot weather is definitely affecting everyone's mood also. Plus he was taken from his hospital schedule and taken home, which is great for some, but took him a bit to adjust back to. It's hard trying to juggle both Dawson and Tyler's needs. They both need 100% of me right now and I just don't have a clone! Dawson has become pretty clingy again. Being with my cousin, volunteers and other places is helpful, but it doesn't get him that quality mommy time that he wants.

I'm looking into some Autism behavioral therapy for him. It's supposed to help a lot and address many of the problems we've been having. I think speech will help, some bit of normalcy and something just for him. He liked therapy when he had it at home, so hopefully he'll do well at Children's too. I've also requested a Psychology appointment to talk about our situation and get some tips on how to help Dawson through the process.

Birthday pics!

 Tyler having fun at the table

  Gabriel smiling at Great Grandma

Looking back at pics....

 Dawson as a newborn

 1 year

 2 years

 3 years

4 years

Dawson and Gabriel Update

I'm so proud of Dawson. His eagerness to learn is so awesome! He has a small magna-doodle that we keep at RMH. We often sit together and work on things. This morning he brought it to me wanted to do numbers. He wrote a 1, 2 and a 7 all by himself! Then he asked me to write certain numbers so he can see how I did it. He often asked for "2 4's", then "3 4's", so he can see it again. We are also working on his counting. He had 1-10 down for a long time. Then came 11 and 12 last month. Then I taught him all the teen numbers. He got them mixed up for a while, but he eventually got them all memorized too. This morning we started on the 20's. He now always says 20 at the end of his teens. I usually have to say 21... then he keeps going. He doesn't seem to like that the 20s are longer, 3 syllables instead of 1 or 2. So they take more effort to say and he can't say them as fast. So today when he was counting, he said 20, 21, 22, 3, 4, 5....  I had to keep reminding him to add the 20 in front of it.

I got a call the other day from Speech Therapy at Children's Hospital. Dawson was put on a list for outpatient services and it's finally his turn! He has a speech evaluation to see if he qualifies on Thursday afternoon. It will be nice to get him back in therapy to work on things. He really loves speech too. He is still having trouble with that first letter sound on many words. I was feeling so bad that we had to stop all his services when Tyler relapsed. Seems like the siblings always get put on the back burner and I've been trying to make sure that doesn't happen, but it's so hard to keep things the same when they obviously aren't. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices. Dawson got offered preschool in Minneapolis, but I had to turn it down. He would've loved it, but bringing back all those germs is potentially life threatening for Tyler. I'm very satisfied with how much he's still been learning. The main thing they were working on in school with him is social skills, which he's getting lots of at the hospital too. He has learned how to take turns and share. I told him he needs to wait for his turn and he actually listened. He never did before. So I have seen a lot of social progress while we're at the hospital.

He's still having a lot of trouble with transitions though. He loves playing in playrooms, but when it's time to go, he takes a while to accept that we need to go somewhere else. Unless it's a place he wants to go. It usually takes bribes. To get him back into Tyler's room, I offer him bubbles. To get him out of the Billard room at RMH, I offer him a popsicle. Otherwise it's a huge tantrum and lots of screaming, which isn't appreciated at that time of night! Tonight there were no more popsicles left. I was bracing myself for a huge tantrum. Instead I found a can of Spaghetti O's in the pantry and he decided he wanted those. So he happily carried the can up to our room. He even tucked himself in bed tonight without any screaming or crying. I was impressed! He must've gotten tired out, all that running and playing he did with Tyler today.

Dawson playing with the pool balls. He lines them up and rolls them from net to net. First the colored balls, then the striped ones. Sometimes he has them all lined up, but he usually just does 3-4 at once.

 Dawson saw me take a pic, so he picked up the balls, came over to my side of the table, stood there and said "cheese!". He's so cute! Looking so much older now too!

 He took his own picture (I was holding it up). He's looking to the side because my picture viewer can swivel off to the side for taking self pics and stuff. So he's looking at himself.

 After a bath in his room at RMH

 He looks so tall! When did that happen?! I remember when his little chin would rest on the bed when he stood!

 Playing cars with Tyler

Gabriel is doing great! He's such an adorable baby. He wakes up and smiles at me right away. I give him a kiss and it turns into a huge grin and he often starts cooing at me. Makes me want to stay in bed and look at his cute face all day! Then he makes a scowly face and starts kicking his legs, which is my warning that he needs a diaper change. He's such an easy baby. He only cries when he's hungry, needs a diaper or is bored. Even then, he sometimes lets out these short little whines, like he's letting me know he needs something and he's gonna start crying if it doesn't get fixed very soon. He's starting to play with his voice too, so it's often hard to tell if he's squawking for fun or because he needs something. He also coos and growls. I've never heard a 3 month old growl before, he must be getting it from his brothers already! He loves sitting up and laying under his toy bar or crib mobile. We still have that little hospital bassinet crib for him in Tyler's room, but he is quickly outgrowing that! I put him diagnally in it and he almost touches both sides. Since Tyler doesn't have infections anymore, I often put Gabriel in Tyler's crib since he doesn't use it during the day. He seems to appreciate having more room to spread out and sleep.

I took these 3 month pics in Tyler's crib. They all turned out so cute! I had 69 pics and all but a few were so cute! It's hard to refrain from posting them all! Here are a few of my favorites.

 He's been wanting to sit up so bad these days! He has a ways to go yet though. He was holding onto my hand and trying to pull himself up, so I sat him up and just held 1 hand. He was so excited.

 His hands are so interesting! He looks at them a lot, trying to figure out how they work and trying to get them to do things.

I took pics of our long term room at RMH. It's pretty much a 1 bedroom apartment, only the living room and kitchen are combined into 1 room also. Here's the right side of the bedroom.

 Left side of the bedroom

 Bedroom closet. There is no dresser, so all our clothes go on the shelves.

 Main room. The couch folds out to a bed. It's not a comfy couch at all, but it's better than nothing.

 Kitchen area. No stove, we get cupboards, microwave and mini fridge. I brought our toaster oven from home. :)

 Nice big vanity for all our stuff

 Entry area. I usually use a wagon to get everything up to our room. I always take the diaper bag, laptop, camera and often a bag of other stuff back and forth. Plus the baby in his carseat. The wagons are very useful!

 Gabriel in his bassinet at RMH. Not going to fit in there much longer!

 Sleeping in the Bjorn carrier. I was out walking with Tyler and his IV pole, so I needed both arms free.

 Gabriel's little crib. He's getting pretty big for that too! He loves the toys though, keeps him entertained for quite a while.

Dawson's First Movie

I signed up to see Cars 2 through HopeKids. I thought it would be the perfect first movie for Dawson to see. He loves the first one. I thought maybe he would get antsy, bounce from seat to seat, but he'd at least be interested. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. He wanted to leave before it even started. He kept saying "go down to 1", we were on the 2nd floor. He had some popcorn, so he did eat that, standing up facing the back of the theater. He'd look for a short time and then turn back again, insisting we go. I thought once the movie started, our troubles would be over. As the movie picked up, he got more and more antsy and was just not having it. He started repeating "go down to 1" over and over pretty fast. Nothing would snap him out of it. Then Gabriel started crying, people were turning around to see what was going on. So I just got up and took Gabriel, Dawson and the diaper bag out of there. Dawson was better as soon as we were on the move and seemed even more relaxed once we were out in the lobby.

I was greeted by 4 other moms who were in the lobby with their small impatient children also, so I didn't feel quite so bad. I changed Gabriel and chatted with the other moms until the movie got out. Dawson wanted to play arcade games. He didn't understand that in the real world (outside the hospital and RMH), those things actually cost money and don't just play when you hit the start button!

Dawson just spent several days at Grandma's house, which I thought would be a treat for him. Apparently it was also a tough thing for him. Though he had a good time, he was having a hard time being away from us. He kept obsessing about Tyler, wanting to watch videos of Tyler over and over and then throwing a fit when it was time to stop and do something else. He woke up a few hours earlier than normal and was having a hard time going to sleep. He kept saying "Tyler scared. Tyler sick. Go see Tyler". I feel so bad that he's so worried about Tyler.

Dawson liked seeing Tyler today. He ignored him for a while, but this evening when he had really settled back in, Dawson, Tyler and I snuggled up in the rocker and they were both loving it. It's so cute seeing them smiling at eachother. It's obvious that Dawson feels most comfortable at the hospital. Even at home, he wants to see Tyler, he obsesses about elevators. It has become a regular part of life again and he seems happiest when he's with us, no matter where that might be.

Problems at the Park

I saw that there was a Mom's Club playdate at the park yesterday, so I thought it would be nice to see them again and give Dawson some fresh air. He hasn't been able to play outside much. So we got some errands run and went to the park. He went to go play and I sat down to nurse Gabriel. It wasn't 2 minutes later and Dawson was wandering off. He's usually good about playing on playgrounds. So I stopped feeding Gabriel and went to find Dawson, who had gone behind a building. Brought him back and got him interested in a big slide. Sat down to feed Gabriel again and a couple minutes later Dawson was wandering off again! Thankfully Gabriel didn't mind all the starting and stopping! So I strapped Dawson into the stroller so Gabriel could get enough to eat. Another member said she could help keep an eye on him if we head over to the other playground (there's 2 at this park), so we went over there for a while. Dawson seems to like that one better. He was playing and I was chatting with some other moms when someone came up and asked who's kid that is with the blue airplane shirt. Crap, that would be mine! She was all upset, saying he's throwing sand up into the air. As we walked over there I apologized and told her he's mildly Autistic and doesn't understand that it's not ok. She said she doesn't care, he needs to stop that. So I went over and talked to him, but he kept on doing it, so I put him in a time out in the stroller for a time out. That usually works. When I let him back to play, it wasn't 2 minutes before he was at it again. So we repeated the time out and he was all agreeable about not throwing sand. I even showed him what I was talking about, but I really think he just didn't understand what the big deal was, he's just playing. He likes watching the sand fall to the ground. Usually we don't go to busy parks, so it's not an issue. After he went back to play he chose a different spot to go throw sand, which got another child who thankfully had a more understanding mother, but I decided it was time to go anyway! So I left, with a kicking and screaming child in the front of the stroller. He's also discovered that he can put his feet down on the wheels so I have trouble pushing the stroller. He can't in the back, but that's the only place I can put the baby. Gabriel was being held by another mom in our group. Thankfully moms love babies, so it's not hard to get someone to keep Gabriel occupied while I deal with Dawson.

Gabriel is getting so big! I just got out the 3-6 month clothes. It was an emotional thing, finding some outfits that Tyler was in when he was diagnosed. I can't believe Gabriel is almost there. I realized the other day that when Tyler gets his transplant, Gabriel will most likely be the same age Tyler was when he was diagnosed. Along with getting out new clothes, I went through and got rid of the things I just don't put them in anyway. I've gotten clothes from a few people and some of it is stained, old or just not our thing. We aren't into sports, so I tend to not put them in that stuff. Which stinks because it seems that half the things they make for boys are sports related!

We unloaded the last load of household stuff last night! I have so much to unpack and arrange now. It's tough when Gabriel isn't always content to just lay around and I don't have the swing, bouncy seat or anything for him here! It's all at RMH. That would be so helpful to have! Thankfully he seems content laying under his toy bar sometimes, so I try to make use of naps and those times where he's content.

Dawson has been keeping himself entertained with the sinks the last couple days. He loves playing in the sink at the hospital and he suddenly wants to do it here too. Thankfully he doesn't make too big of a mess, so I just give him some bath toys and let him play in the sink. He got his shirt a little wet today and came to me for a new one. He's currently watching his little portable dvd player since the tv isn't hooked up yet. He even plugged it in himself. I'm not sure if I like that or not! Dan said he caught Dawson trying to stick other things in the outlet the other day. Thank goodness for outlet plugs!

It feels so weird to be here, I'm pretty anxious to get back to Tyler. It's interesting how our "normal" is now being at the hospital! I actually feel a bit out of place here. I'm sure enjoying the view though, I love that we're looking out at nature instead of a parking lot. :)

Elevator Obsession

Dawson loves elevators. He knows his way around the hospital. He knows that "B" goes to McDonalds, "1" has a cool ball maze thing to watch in the lobby, "2" goes to the car and Sibling Play, "3" goes to the Ronald McDonald House in the hospital, "5" is the PICU where Tyler sometimes is, he sometimes asks about 5 still. Then there's "8", where Tyler is. He talks to the floors like they are people. "Hi 3! How ya doin?" "Bye 3! See ya later!". He knows how to hold his arm on the door to keep it open for longer. He does this for people if there's a few who need to get on or off. Thanks to the elevator, he can now count backwards from 8. He even did it when we were in our room, very slowly, but he got them all in the right order! He knows that it makes a slight motor noise when the elevator takes off and a little beep when it passes each floor. When we got back home to the apartment he really started obsessing. He's so used to elevators all through the day! He pretended to push a button on his bunk bed, waited for the elevator, said "open door", got onto his ladder, made the whirring motor noise and said "2!" when he got up to the top. So his top bunk is officially the 2nd floor now. :)  He makes the motor noise and the beeps when climbing the stairs to our 2nd floor apartment too. His cars and trains went "upstairs" onto the couch earlier. His whole day was all about elevators!

Gabriel is doing good, he's becoming more entertained on his own lately. I put him under his toy bar and he watched that for longer than I expected. We were able to get quite a few things in before he fussed. Today I went through his clothes since his sleepers are getting too small. He's 7 weeks and I've only had an outfit on him once! Otherwise it's always been sleepers. I guess I just want to keep him my little baby for longer! I got out the 3-6 month clothes and I even went through them and took out a bunch that I just don't want. I have a stuffed bin full of each size and I even had a bin and a diaper box of that size, so some needed to go! Feels good to downsize a bit, especially since some of that stuff I never used anyway. Most was just given to me, so it's being donated to the MOPS garage sale.

Here's some pics from the last week or so. I was just holding Gabriel up so he could be in the pic with Tyler

 Dawson was playing with a little slinky they got in the mail

 He thought the slinky was pretty fun, it kept him occupied for quite a while

 All 3 boys! Dawson with his slinky, Tyler and Gabriel watching Thomas the Train.

Thank goodness for cartoons. I really don't know how I could get him to sit still for a while otherwise!

 Pedialyte juice box! Tyler is only accepting straws now. Sippies are too slow to deliver or something. I got him a straw sippy today, so hopefully he'll like that. The nurses wanted something that would give him more freedom to have different drink choices.

 Gabriel, 6 weeks

 Tyler in the ICU. He had quite a few bruises because his platelets were low and needed a transfusion.

 He always looks so small in that room full of wires and machines.

 Sleeping in the PICU. He was excited to see his phone toy and fish crib toy, but he got tired pretty quickly.

 Gabriel with "Sully" from Monster's Inc. He's at the Ronald McDonald House. Dan was holding Gabriel up there.

 Tyler, just after coming back upstairs. He has a little open sore on his cheek from the oxygen. He has very sensitive skin. The tape makes his skin break down pretty bad. He has many small open sores on his chest from dressing changes.

 After a couple days he was sitting up a little on his own and even smiling! He was watching Cars here

 It's so nice to see a happy face!