Six Weeks

Life has been very busy this week! We've had many ups and downs. We just passed our 6 week mark without Tyler yesterday. Sometimes I'll be fine and then suddenly start thinking about something that will make for a very tough day. Yesterday I had just parked at Walmart and suddenly out of the blue I started thinking about Tyler's last moments, the way he looked and sounded taking his last breaths, all that he had suffered through in those last weeks. The way he cried when I started crying. It's just so horribly unfair that anyone should have to go through what he did.

Dawson admitted the other day that he was sad, which was a huge deal! I've heard him say twice now that he's sad, though he refused a hug both times. He often asks me how I am and says when he's happy. Usually after we do something fun he'll be grinning ear to ear and say "I'm happy mommy!". He's still struggling to deal with his emotions and sorting them all out. He did some hitting and kicking this morning during a tantrum. He even said "I kick mommy" while he was doing it. He started his Autism Center home therapy this week too. He's doing great once he gets into the swing of things. Sometimes he has a little tantrum because he wants to go on the computer, one of his habits I'm trying to break, but he has lots of fun once he starts. They do playdoh, writing and other things. Today's therapist is new to us. She brought a tote bag full of stuff, but found that we already had everything she brought. They were excited about how many development toys we have. I just need to finish organizing it all. I'm close, I have the art stuff and fine motor toys put away, I just need to go through a lot of the other toys and get rid of some things we really don't need. Dawson is loving his therapist time so much, when I peeked in to see what he was doing, he told me "go away mommy". I guess I'll take that as a good sign. I think he's afraid I'll tell him his time is up or something.

Gabriel has been crawling all over the place. He has now learned to crawl with a small toy in his hand too, so he grabs something from Dawson and crawls off with it. It's so cute. Dawson has a hard time sharing some things, but we're working on it. Gabriel is also loving to walk around holding someone's hands. I've also heard some mama and dada, but I'm not yet sure if it's random sounds or specific people. Earlier today it seemed to be aimed toward me. He also sometimes says "uh huh" when I sit down to nurse him, or lay him down to change his diaper. It's like his 'whew, I'm getting what I need' thing. He's been having a harder time going to sleep lately. Sometimes he'll get up and nurse a bit more before going to sleep. Probably teeth bothering him, or his brother. Dawson likes to have his fish crib toy going in his bed. Sometimes he'll turn on his My Pal puppy too, which gets to be too much noise having 2 musical things in his bed. Gabriel can barely stand having 1, he'd rather skip the distractions and go to sleep.

On Saturday I watched 4 toddlers, they were 4, 2, 2, and 11 months all day (9:30-5:30). It actually went quite well! It was chaos, but for having 6 kids 4 and under in the house, we had no tantrums, the only toy and meal arguments were from Dawson. Go figure. So other than some extra mess it was super easy. We even did paint and playdoh and non was eaten and it all stayed on the table! We even had some friends stop by for an hour with their 4 and 2 year old, so they got to play for a little bit too. It was fun!

Sunday we went to my parent's house for my brother's 18th birthday! He's the baby of the family, but at 6ft 5, he's way passed all of us up! Dawson loved being at Grandma's house. I was a little nervous about how the Christmas tree thing would go, but Gabriel was ok about it. He didn't obsess about it like he did at home, though he went over once and I showed him the ornaments. I was kinda hoping it was a pokey tree so he wouldn't want to touch it again, but it was actually kinda soft. We have a fake tree at home, apartment rules.

Dawson and Gabriel with my mom. Gabriel looks like such a little boy in this pic! Where'd by baby go?

Dawson by Grandma's Christmas tree

Tuesday we went skating while the boys went and played with the kids we watched on Saturday. He loved being over there. Today I told him we were going to play with some friends in our moms club and he said "play with girls?". It was so cute, he thought we were going back to their house. Wednesday night was Moms Night Out. I brought Gabriel and there was another baby there too, but we had pizza and snacks, chatted and had a White Elephant gift exchange. Gifts you have laying around but aren't going to use, so you re-gift them at this exchange. They were all wrapped, so the box I ended up with had a Liquor Dispenser. We all laughed about that one, since I don't drink. I think I'll be putting that up at our fundraiser auction next month. ;)

Today we had a mom's club playdate this morning, which had some tantrums about her dog, but otherwise went ok. Dawson doesn't understand that you can't drag animals by the tail, or pick them up by a back leg. We showed him how and he just wasn't listening today, so she put the dog in another room and that caused a big tantrum because he wanted to play with the dog. At the end she did let the dog back out and he did play a little nicer once he calmed down. I think he just had some anxiety being at a new place, we hadn't been to her house yet. After his therapist we're heading to ECFE class, where he can run out some energy! They have the indoor gym, which is great with our cold weather. Gabriel will love it too. I'm excited to see what he will do since he's crawling around now.

 This is the painting from the HopeKids people that they gave us on Thursday.