A New Year's Announcement

As we approached the New Year, I pondered what 2013 would bring. We got our answer the day after Christmas. A new baby!

 

Suddenly I have something to look forward to. Since Tyler died, it has felt like we were going through the motions, but not moving forward. It was hard to have much to look forward to, and all we were doing was looking back. I finally have something to be excited about, and for once instead of dreading another passing year, I am curious what the next year will look like. There are some weird things, this is Baby #4, because Gabriel will always be my #3, so we can't re-order them. That would be too weird. I used to think it was weird that moms did that. Now I totally get it. I'm starting to have more peaceful days. I can look back at his baby pics and just smile. He was so adorable. The more recent happy pics bother me a lot more, but baby pics are the past no matter what. If that makes any sense.

We have a tradition of sharing the news using the Big Brother shirt. I apparently didn't get a pic of Dawson in the shirt, but here is Tyler wearing it, Aug 2010. Dawson was a year old when we spread the news on the 4th of July, Tyler was 15 months, we told people at our family reunion and Gabriel was 22 months and we used New Years. Tyler looks so little here! Our age gaps are getting bigger, from 18 months, to 25 months, and now 30 months. Though we have kept our year pattern, 07, 09, 11, 13.

Dawson has really gotten into his pacman obsession lately. His chicken nuggets, cookies and all things round need to be made into pacman shapes. One of his therapists made a whole set of pacmans, along with the ghosts so he can play with them. He's really been enjoying that. This is a pacman cookie that he cut himself.

 Gabriel was quite excited that we replaced the tree with a cube slide. We always take it out after Christmas every year so the kids can use up some of that energy they have from being cooped up.

 Dawson is getting a bit big, but he's still enjoying it too.

 Sleepy babies are so cute. He got so big though!

 

Seems like it wasn't long ago that Gabriel was sleeping in the boppy, all scrunched up and just a few days old.

 

 Dawson has the weirdest sleeping positions. I moved him to his bed and he straightened out, but when I woke him up in the morning, he was sleeping like this again! He looks so peaceful when he's sleeping. It's good to remember this face, especially on those long crazy days.

Dan went back to work on the 7th, so it's nice to be getting paychecks again, after having 4 weeks off. He's been liking his job and even got the "Outstanding Quality" award at the company Christmas party. We've been having some pretty cold weather, so it's nice that both his job and Dawson's school are fairly close to home. Dawson goes back to school tomorrow and has a longer bus ride in the morning, around 30-40 minutes, so hopefully he will keep his gloves and things on and stay warm.

Today we got to use Dawson's new handicapp parking tag. I recently learned that Autistic kids and adults can get them, since they have absolutely no danger awareness. This puts them at risk of accidental death. I can't even begin to say how many times I've had to pull him away from moving vehicles that he wanders in front of. I've had nightmares about it, and it's one of my biggest safety concerns with him. His therapists and I have been working on it, and his behavior is getting a bit better, but the danger awareness is still not there. He doesn't understand why we have to do it, so he doesn't care. I figured it would get easier as he got older and hopefully more aware, but it's just not happening. I was even feeling weird about asking his Dr, but he jumped right on it and said it was a great idea. He's seen it himself, so I was relieved that he thought it was a good idea. So now we don't have to worry about parking far away, crossing aisles of moving cars and other dangers. Even if he's holding our hand, he tends to suddenly take his hand back, and he will do it fast, often side stepping into traffic. It's really a big relief, especially since he's getting bigger and faster.

I have my first OB appointment on the 30th. I'm 7 weeks along today and so far feeling exhausted. I've been getting some morning sickness too, the foods I'm tolerating seem to be getting less, so I'm not too excited about that. I have to eat something or I feel sick, but I can't eat certain things or I feel sick. So far I have a couple things that always work, so I've been living on apples, crackers and lifesavers. Just trying to keep something in my stomach all the time, it helps. Hoping it won't last too long, it seems to be a little worse each day this week. Thankfully Gabriel has been pretty good to just play during the day so I can rest. Sometimes he even comes and cuddles up with me. :)

New Years Eve, Children's Museum

Dawson was beyond excited when I told him we were going to the Children's Museum. This was decided the day before, after days of being cooped up and having nothing to do. For all our sanity, we needed out of the house! He asked me about 30 times on the way there if we are going to the Children's Museum. He had to make sure that was still where we were headed. We got there and it was priceless. When we went there for the HopeKids event 2 weeks ago, we only had an hour to play, and it was so rushed. This time they got to take their time, play with more things and really enjoy themselves more.

The boys playing the iPad before bed. I love how they get cuddly and play together in the evenings. Dawson has been doing so much better with social interactions lately. Observing him in the Children's Museum was so great. He respected other kid's boundries, shared toys, didn't get upset or anything. Such a huge change from even last year!

 Gabriel liked the My-Size-Castle

 They have a paper facory set up. Of course Dawson likes anything that spins!

 Water! Gabriel actually played in the water this time, and was quite excited about it.

 Plus there were balls, so that's a bonus.

 Daddy and Dawson playing at the older kids table. They have some neat set ups.

 Gabriel exploring the ant tunnels

 Dawson holding still for a picture. He actually walked in the halls and waited for us. Stood in lines. Especially the fear of danger and being lost is a tough one, and he still has no fear of either, but his obedience is better, so that helps a lot!

 A favorite toy.

 A huge ball! There were some way bigger than him too. He was excited.

 Dawson likes sitting in the catch bucket for the roller coaster ball set up. They all come right to him, plus he has a great view of them going down the coaster. He was handing the balls out to kids who came to get theirs back too.

 Gabriel checking out what Dawson was up to. They traded spots for a while.

 Watching balls go around, like the coin donation things. Very amusing.

 Gabriel was a little ham all day. Until the end when he had completely worn himself out and couldn't do anymore. :)

 These stairs are small, so he was happy to be able to walk down them himself. Something he's been trying hard to do lately.

 Another one of Dawson's favorites. I asked him what his favorite room was, the water, balls or ant tunnels and he said "all are favorites, mom!" Then promptly asked if we can go back tomorrow. He happily settled with the idea of going to Grandma's house. Whew!

 I asked for a happy face, and I got one. Goofy boy.

 Lots of balls going down at once. Surprisingly, he was very cooperative when leaving all the rooms. I guess the excitement of what's ahead kept him interested, but it's a big sign of mature development when they leave the "now" for what's maybe ahead. Something he really hasn't done much, especially with things this exciting.

 Gabriel was a bit taken back by the idea of this wobbly bridge, but he kept going across until he was doing it confidently. I love his determination and patience!

Gabriel has been talking so much! We got home and he was babbling non-stop. Some of it was comprehendable, other stuff was not, but he was sure talking about something. I'm glad he had lots of fun today too! He's been saying new words every day. He's been loving his new toys and has been doing a lot of pretend play, which is so neat! Dawson doesn't even have interest in that yet, which is common for Autistic kids. It's just so weird seeing such a little guy doing these things. His horses drive cars and busses, they go in buildings, fences, along the couch, in the Christmas tree, and everywhere. I'm excited to see the playsets get played with, and I love that he keeps himself so entertained! Excited to see what the New Year will hold for them both. :)

Christmas and Children's Museum

This month has been really up and down, but mostly up. I have had a lack of motivation mostly. The tree never got decorated. It's a pre-lit, so it still looks pretty in the evening. Gabriel has knocked it down 4 or 5 times, and is a bit of a tree terror, so that made my motivation to decorate even smaller. He did play with it a lot, he thought running his horses on it was very fun.

 Dawson loves to plug it in every night

 On the 11th we went to the Children's Museum, it was a HopeKids event. We had a huge snowstorm 2 days prior and got a foot of snow, so getting there was interesting. Not all of it was cleared away, and it was a bit icy, so traffic was slow and we got there an hour late, despite leaving an hour early. The kids were not thrilled with being in the car for 3 1/2 hours, especially in stop and go traffic. We had 1 hour to play once we got there, and it looked like many others were coming in at the same time, or even after. They still had lots of fun, and Dawson has been asking every day to go back. I told him we will after the new calendar is up.

He loved the elevator. He still is obsessed with pretending our sliding closet doors are elevators.

 Gabriel was a bit leary of the big, busy place. He loved all the water, and walked around saying "oooh!", but really didn't touch anything in the first exhibit. I had brought extra clothes and everything!

 They loved the bus

 Gabriel and Daddy loved the foam blocks room. Dan was stacking them up, and Gabriel would giggle and run to knock them all over.

 This was by far everyone's favorite room. They rolled balls around and around, down ramps with hills, and a huge one like a roller coaster too. It has always been a big interest of Dawson's.

 Ooooh!

 Gabriel has been requesting popcorn lately, so the boys have had some popcorn movie nights before bed.

 A very sleepy Dawson after a busy day. I went to tell him to get off the computer and go to bed, he hadn't even been sitting there that long!

 Footie pjs! Someone gave us a bag of clothes, and it had a couple of these in there. He thought they were hilarious! He was always a warm baby and didn't like warm pjs, but now he's been asking for them, and giggling about it.

 Animals! We went to my parent's house on Christmas Eve in the afternoon. Gabriel got several small animals, and a stuffed horse and puppy. They are adorable stuffed animals! He is loving them all.

 Dawson was excited to see his Cat in the Hat game, Math game for his handheld Leapfrog game, and a little Hungry Hippos game. He's been playing the Math game a lot, and he's currently in the playroom with his Autism therapist and they are playing the board game.

 Gabriel and his adorable horse. To the left is Daddy, to the right is my sister Sarah and her fiance, Nick.

 Looking at all his animals.

 The end table was Dan's Christmas gift from my parents. My dad does woodworking and has made most of the things, big and small, for their home. It was neat how he made the top a checker board.

 Our goodies from my parent's house.

 Time for our gifts! Gabriel was pretty tired, but he perked up fairly quick.

 Super excited to get the Perfection game! His therapist had brought it a couple times, and he loves it.

 A Toy Story 3 toy from our friend Heather.

 Gabriel got a stuffed horse, and a set of 9 smaller horses.

 He was trying to figure out how to carry them all at once.

 Playing Perfection together. So nice to see them cooperating better. Especially Dawson, he has worked so hard all summer on sharing and playing with others. He has hugely improved in that area!!

 Gabriel's gifts, both from my parents and us. See a theme?  Right now he is playing with Dawson's Toy Story playset. Of course. Though he is playing it with many animals. Apparently they can drive and operate machinery. :)

 Dawson at my Grandma's house. He did really well for having 18 other people in the house. Big crowds give him anxiety, and it was nice to see the hard work paying off. Instead of tantruming and yelling, he retreated to the quiet of her bedroom/bathroom, where there was a sliding closet and he played elevators. He did have a couple encounters with another toddler, but he stepped back instead of shoving. Not only that, but he sat on my lap and talked about it afterward! He has also been using the word "me", which is fairly new. He usually just talks in 3rd person, referring to himself as Dawson. Now just trying to get him to say "I" as well. It's coming, sometimes he uses the words out of context, but he knows he should be using them and is trying hard to get it right.

This holiday season has been a bit rough, just thinking of how things would've been with Tyler here with us. I had little motivation to start with, but as we got going and around people, it wasn't quite as bad. Just some moments here and there. I went to a grieving parents group in Sauk Rapids. They meet every 3rd Thursday at 6:30pm if anyone is interested. It went well, I got to meet some new people and talk about things that normal people don't understand. It was really nice. One thing that popped into my head the other day is the New Year. It was really hard moving into 2012. I didn't figure I'd have issues with other New Years. But now, after this New Year, I won't be able to tell people "last year". Just one of those sad realizations.

I am looking forward to some new things in January. They are starting on another community/social goal for Dawson, so we get to go do some fun things, like the library and other places involving children. Some days we'll invite kids over here, which isn't as easy as it used to be now that our friend has moved, but hopefully we'll find some people.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas and has a Happy New Year!