Happy 9 Months Gabriel!

Monday we had a very fun day. We got some more toys out of their packages (I'm spreading out the fun) and Dawson opened his Leap Frog Explorer game. He loves it! There's a pet to feed, letters to trace, train tracks to line up and many fun games. We got the Leap School Reading game that has a lot in it and the Jewel train free just for buying the system. It's been a nice incentive tool as well. He hit me and got it taken away for 5 minutes. He sure didn't like that but he didn't hit again. We sat there and counted down the minutes and talked about hitting. He also put together his 24 piece puzzle, 4 times! He needs a lot of help, but is getting much better at noticing colors and details in the picture to line up. His patience has really improved a lot since last spring too! We played Uno Moo a couple times and he liked that too.

Tuesday we met up with some friends from Dawson's online playgroup. We usually get together once a year at least. This time we had a friend from New York fly in to see family here, so we had a special playdate so we could all meet her. Dawson got to play his Leap Frog Explorer on the way down since it was an hour drive. He loved having something to do in the car. He got overwhelmed by the number of kids and they were also playing with cars, which he usually tries to avoid anything that reminds him of Tyler. So he really started acting out. I asked him if he wanted his LeapFrog and he said yes. He sat on the couch and played that for a while, I could tell he was very relieved to have something to focus on. We had lunch, played some more and headed out. Gabriel wanted to nurse, so we were the last ones out.

I was carrying Gabriel and the diaper bag and missed a step in the sidewalk that I forgot was there. I rolled my foot sideways and fell to my knees. I probably could've corrected had I not been holding Gabriel, but instead I fell to my knees. Gabriel thankfully never touched the ground or anything. My ankle hurt bad and I got dizzy. My friend took Gabriel from me and I managed to get back into the house. Took some ibuprofin, drank some water and the dizzy feeling was gone, so decided to head out again. The vibrating from the car was really hurting the ankle, but otherwise I was fine. It's interesting how you never notice the vibration of a vehicle until it hurts really bad. I did the same thing when I was in high school, only it wasn't a step. It felt different this time. It hurt when I pushed right on the bone, so I thought it might be broken. Decided to head in just incase. The clinic had no appts available, so I had to go to the ER. I later found out there's an Urgent Care right by our new place! Figures. We had a skating date night planned for that night, so I called the sitter and asked if she could take the boys early so I could head to the ER. She did, so I stopped by home and got my crutches, dropped the boys off and went in. I was so glad I had those crutches because the ER parking was full, Valet was closing and I had to park in the ramp and walk, which is a bit of a hike especially when you're in pain. They had 5 people in front of me. I got there at 4:30 and left at 7. I was put in the same room we got with Tyler one time.

It was hard being back in a hospital, only with no child to cuddle. The tv didn't work and I ended up taking a short nap. I woke when the nurse came in, she was surprised anyone could sleep with the screaming person across the hall. Xrays showed no break, but she said a sprain is usually worse than a break and could take up to 6 months to completely feel better. She said to take it easy. Meanwhile I'm wondering how many weeks of skating I'm going to miss! I was told to use crutches when it hurts, ice and elevate it as much as possible. Did my typical Mom thing and just said ok while thinking "that's never going to happen!". Can't carry a baby with crutches. Can't rest with a toddler. Plus I have a flight of stairs to get up when I get home! Grabbed some taco bell since I missed supper, picked up the boys and headed home. Dan was at his parent's house with a vehicle apart, so he couldn't come help me since he had a 2hr drive. I felt a sense of calm though, I knew help would be there when I got home. I got in the door just as a mom and her 4 year old girl was saying goodbye to her parents. The little girl saw us and opened the door. The mom saw me hobbling along carrying Gabriel and offered to help us up the stairs. So she carried Gabriel up, was a huge help!

We got home and Gabriel discovered the big box that was outside our door when I came to get the crutches. He was very excited about it.

 Wow, more toys! Even gift cards too. Looks like we get an Applebees date and some Target shopping! Thank you AshleyCan Foundation! http://www.ashleycan.org/

 Trucks with buttons!

 They love this bubble maker. It's a bath toy, but I put it on the dishwasher so they could play with it. They played with this thing for about an hour!

 Gabriel is getting so big!

 Dawson thought it was very funny to run back and forth and see what the pictures looked like as I tried to follow him with the camera.

 When did Dawson get so big?! He just seems so much older now. He even replied to me calling him with "what mom?". I was so not ready for that.

 Dawson is really getting closer to Gabriel these days now that he's more active and mobile.

 He of course has to protect his toy from Gabriel though.

 I love this one!

 Dawson likes tickling him.

 I love that they enjoy eachother so much. When they're in the mood.

 Dawson and Jacob during our playdate on Tuesday. Dawson had his Explorer, so Jacob got his out too and they were checking out what each other was doing.

Today was Wednesday and I went almost all day without thinking about it! Partially because my days are very mixed up this week with Dawson having no school. Also my mom came from 10:30am until 2:30pm, so that was a nice distraction too. We had lunch and then went to Target. My ankle wasn't feeling too bad, I could walk on it without crutches. I was going to use a scooter in the store, but couldn't bring myself to do it. I really wasn't hurting that bad anyway. As long as I don't bend my ankle it has minimal pain. I returned a Tag book that I had a double of and got Dawson a 3 movie set of Leap Frog DVDs instead. He loves those and learns so much from them. I hadn't seen this new set before. He already watched one this evening. He has been going to bed great lately! The holidays bumped bedtime back a bit, so we're working on getting him to bed earlier again. We're back down to 10pm and he went right to sleep.

It's been 8 weeks without Tyler now. It doesn't feel like an accurate count. He was intubated and sedated for 6 weeks, so it feels like much longer than 8 weeks.

Today also marks 9 months for Gabriel! He's getting so big! Standing and holding on with just 1 hand lately, he's getting so brave. Such a happy baby too, he's almost always smiling and is so content. He's been sleeping through the night for a long time now, I haven't been up in the middle of the night for him since September! He shakes his head "no" sometimes and he waves his hand a little bit too. So cute! He's saying mama and dada sometimes. He sticks out his tongue and blows rasberries when he wants attention sometimes, mostly from other people. Always gets it too! He's done with baby food and pretty much eats whatever we do. Even eats peas, which is a first for my kids, eating something green. :)

Six Weeks

Life has been very busy this week! We've had many ups and downs. We just passed our 6 week mark without Tyler yesterday. Sometimes I'll be fine and then suddenly start thinking about something that will make for a very tough day. Yesterday I had just parked at Walmart and suddenly out of the blue I started thinking about Tyler's last moments, the way he looked and sounded taking his last breaths, all that he had suffered through in those last weeks. The way he cried when I started crying. It's just so horribly unfair that anyone should have to go through what he did.

Dawson admitted the other day that he was sad, which was a huge deal! I've heard him say twice now that he's sad, though he refused a hug both times. He often asks me how I am and says when he's happy. Usually after we do something fun he'll be grinning ear to ear and say "I'm happy mommy!". He's still struggling to deal with his emotions and sorting them all out. He did some hitting and kicking this morning during a tantrum. He even said "I kick mommy" while he was doing it. He started his Autism Center home therapy this week too. He's doing great once he gets into the swing of things. Sometimes he has a little tantrum because he wants to go on the computer, one of his habits I'm trying to break, but he has lots of fun once he starts. They do playdoh, writing and other things. Today's therapist is new to us. She brought a tote bag full of stuff, but found that we already had everything she brought. They were excited about how many development toys we have. I just need to finish organizing it all. I'm close, I have the art stuff and fine motor toys put away, I just need to go through a lot of the other toys and get rid of some things we really don't need. Dawson is loving his therapist time so much, when I peeked in to see what he was doing, he told me "go away mommy". I guess I'll take that as a good sign. I think he's afraid I'll tell him his time is up or something.

Gabriel has been crawling all over the place. He has now learned to crawl with a small toy in his hand too, so he grabs something from Dawson and crawls off with it. It's so cute. Dawson has a hard time sharing some things, but we're working on it. Gabriel is also loving to walk around holding someone's hands. I've also heard some mama and dada, but I'm not yet sure if it's random sounds or specific people. Earlier today it seemed to be aimed toward me. He also sometimes says "uh huh" when I sit down to nurse him, or lay him down to change his diaper. It's like his 'whew, I'm getting what I need' thing. He's been having a harder time going to sleep lately. Sometimes he'll get up and nurse a bit more before going to sleep. Probably teeth bothering him, or his brother. Dawson likes to have his fish crib toy going in his bed. Sometimes he'll turn on his My Pal puppy too, which gets to be too much noise having 2 musical things in his bed. Gabriel can barely stand having 1, he'd rather skip the distractions and go to sleep.

On Saturday I watched 4 toddlers, they were 4, 2, 2, and 11 months all day (9:30-5:30). It actually went quite well! It was chaos, but for having 6 kids 4 and under in the house, we had no tantrums, the only toy and meal arguments were from Dawson. Go figure. So other than some extra mess it was super easy. We even did paint and playdoh and non was eaten and it all stayed on the table! We even had some friends stop by for an hour with their 4 and 2 year old, so they got to play for a little bit too. It was fun!

Sunday we went to my parent's house for my brother's 18th birthday! He's the baby of the family, but at 6ft 5, he's way passed all of us up! Dawson loved being at Grandma's house. I was a little nervous about how the Christmas tree thing would go, but Gabriel was ok about it. He didn't obsess about it like he did at home, though he went over once and I showed him the ornaments. I was kinda hoping it was a pokey tree so he wouldn't want to touch it again, but it was actually kinda soft. We have a fake tree at home, apartment rules.

Dawson and Gabriel with my mom. Gabriel looks like such a little boy in this pic! Where'd by baby go?

Dawson by Grandma's Christmas tree

Tuesday we went skating while the boys went and played with the kids we watched on Saturday. He loved being over there. Today I told him we were going to play with some friends in our moms club and he said "play with girls?". It was so cute, he thought we were going back to their house. Wednesday night was Moms Night Out. I brought Gabriel and there was another baby there too, but we had pizza and snacks, chatted and had a White Elephant gift exchange. Gifts you have laying around but aren't going to use, so you re-gift them at this exchange. They were all wrapped, so the box I ended up with had a Liquor Dispenser. We all laughed about that one, since I don't drink. I think I'll be putting that up at our fundraiser auction next month. ;)

Today we had a mom's club playdate this morning, which had some tantrums about her dog, but otherwise went ok. Dawson doesn't understand that you can't drag animals by the tail, or pick them up by a back leg. We showed him how and he just wasn't listening today, so she put the dog in another room and that caused a big tantrum because he wanted to play with the dog. At the end she did let the dog back out and he did play a little nicer once he calmed down. I think he just had some anxiety being at a new place, we hadn't been to her house yet. After his therapist we're heading to ECFE class, where he can run out some energy! They have the indoor gym, which is great with our cold weather. Gabriel will love it too. I'm excited to see what he will do since he's crawling around now.

 This is the painting from the HopeKids people that they gave us on Thursday.

Good Behaviors

What a great day! We are back home for the weekend. I was greeted by a huge pile of mail. I think I have everything that I need now, just have to fill out some more forms. Lots of steps to get Dawson into the Autism Center, but we're very close! Dawson also got a packet from SuperSibs! It's a program for siblings of cancer patients, ages 4 and up. He got a rubber awareness bracelet, coloring pages and there were some pages with tips for parents on how to handle certain things and how to explain things. It's a great program. They even have an online message board, but I haven't had time to go on there yet.

When Dawson wakes up he yells "HELP!" from his top bunk. I tell him I'm coming and he waits, greeting me with a big smile. Got him changed and then Gabriel was crying, so I went in there to see what he wanted. Dawson came in, saw I was paying attention to someone else and yelled "CHEERIOS, MOMMY, CHEERIOOOOS!" at the top of his lungs. I looked at him and said "nice indoor voice please" and he calmed right down and said "I want cheerios please mommy". Much better! :)  He doesn't always calm down that much, so it was great that he listened. I really think being less constipated now has helped his anxiety and is helping him be calmer. He had 2 dirty diapers this morning and even from yesterday to today there was a big difference in his behavior.

We went shopping today. Dawson was excited to hear we were going to Walmart and the O store (Target). As we get closer, he yells "Mal-Mart!". He did great, even pushed the cart for a bit. We didn't get much, so we did self checkout. He loves putting the money in and they always love hearing his contagious giggles as the machine takes the money. We went to Barnes and Noble for a birthday gift for my Grandma and he was great in there too! He looked at the toys and some books, but he put everything back as he looked at it. I found a couple nice books on the clearance shelf. Board books, one with vehicles and one with people/animals. He was looking at them and naming all the things he saw all the way to Target. We got to Target and he was all smiles. He wanted a snack, so I let him have a bag of Cheetos and some chocolate milk. He gave me the cutest smile and said "Thank you Mommy!". I love that he calls me Mommy now. His first word was "mom", very clearly. He called me "mum" or "mom" for a while. I was feeling like I missed out on the cute mommy/mama stage!

He followed when I asked him to, even when he was looking at a toy. I only had to physically get him twice, which is pretty good. He stayed pretty close too. He wanted to go to the toys, so he kept saying "this way" and pointing me to where he wanted to go. So we looked at what he wanted for a while, then it was mommy's turn. He's been playing with his voice today too. He came to me this evening and said "crackers" in a silly growly voice, so I said "ok Dawson" in the same silly voice and he thought that was pretty funny.

I was so relieved that Dawson was doing good, because Gabriel decided he didn't want anything to do with the stroller, so I was carrying him and pushing the stroller. My bjorn carrier is still at the hospital. That boy is a heavy chunk! He started out with chicken legs and now he has some good chunky thighs and that baby belly. He's also teething, so he's been really fussy lately. He was having trouble going to sleep tonight. Between the teeth and rolling over, it just wasn't happening. He prefers sleeping on his belly, but he kept rolling onto his back and then crying because he was uncomfortable. So I'd roll him back over, which I know he can do, but he was too upset to be thinking of fixing his issue. I left the room and a couple minutes later he was crying again, on his back. I finally put him in his swing, where he sucked on his fingers for a bit and fell asleep. He's been sleeping in his swing a lot. I'm trying to get him out of the habit. Some nights he's fine without, other nights it's just not worth the battle. I think sleeping at an incline helps his belly. He spit up in his crib a couple times. He's been making a lot of saliva with this teething and he seems to be spitting up more because of it. Should be interesting to see what his weight is on Monday, I think he's gained another pound in the last couple weeks!

Dawson is 4 years old!

Wow, 4 seems like such a big number! It's a milestone for both of us. He has come so far since he started school and therapy at 2 1/2 years old. He looks so much older now, his baby face is gone and he's such a handsome toddler. In a way I can't believe I've been a mom for 4 years, but in many ways it feels longer. I can hardly remember life before motherhood! I've also been nursing for 4 years straight now, since the boys all overlapped eachother. Who would've known, since I had some struggles with it in the very beginning with Dawson.

We had Dawson's party at my mom's house since our apartment is still a mess from moving. It was us, my parents, siblings, grandma and Dan's sister. He had lots of fun blowing out candles, eating cake and getting presents. He wasn't so sure about being sung to though, he kinda ducked down and wasn't sure what to do with himself.

His running away is really getting frustrating. He just likes being on the go. He doesn't feel much seperation anxiety in stores, so he just runs off and does what he wants. I like going to Walmart and Target because they have the carts made to hold 3 kids. I can shop without the stress of losing my kid. He usually does ok following, until he doesn't want to anymore. He gets hung up looking at toys and things. So I have to pry him away. He'll get bored if we stop to look at something, so he'll wander off to find something interesting to look at. He'll go find the toy or baby aisle, and while I do know where he's going, because he's very predictible, it's still not safe for him to be wandering off. I've tried the child harness, it just creates a huge scene. He screams at an impressive volume, I'm quite sure the entire store hears him. He drops on the floor, screams, and refuses to move. I've tried putting him in the cart basket, he tries to climb out.

Another issue is at the hospital. He loves elevators. While I sign us in, he watches the elevators and greets people. He'll say "hi" and then "bye, see ya!" as the doors close. People freak out and think he's going to get on the elevator with them. He also pushes the button everytime we walk past, even if we don't need the elevator. Then he needs to watch for it to come, open and close. Getting him to leave before that happens will end in a tantrum.

The other day we had his speech evaluation. It was a bit stressful, but we made it through. They only had a ball toy out, so the boys both fought over it. Tyler took a ball and ran to the corner of the room. Dawson, who had 3 other balls, but must have all of them in order to play, ran after him, got the ball and shoved Tyler to the floor. Tyler got up, caught up to Dawson, grabbed his shirt in a tackle and got his ball back. He then ran to the garbage can in the corner, ditched the ball there and ran away, knowing that Dawson would ignore him and just go after the ball. While busy getting the other ball, Tyler went over and grabbed a different ball that Dawson had already lined up to play with. Dawson got back, got mad and shoved Tyler into the wall. Tyler gave up the ball. Speech therapist got a good look at what I meant when I said I wanted to work on sharing and using communication when frustrated! I was nursing Gabriel while all this went on and the speech therapist was trying to break it up, but they were both totally ignoring her and kept dodging away from her. The biggest immediate issue is that Tyler should not be thrown around like that. I don't carry him around on pillows, but he shouldn't be shoved into a wall. His counts are often low and that can cause bruising and even brain bleeds if his platelets are very low.

While scheduling Dawson's speech appointments, which will be the same day and time each week, 1 hour sessions once a week, Dawson ran out of the speech office. She was just printing up my time sheet for me, so I got that and headed after him. Weaving past children, through toys and through a small door with a double stroller isn't always the easiest thing! I knew he would be watching the elevator, so I headed around the corner to go get him. He usually stands or sits on the bench and watches the people come and go. Instead I found him crouched behind the bench in a corner with a lady holding her arms out, telling him to come with her to find his mommy. He had that "no way!" look on his face and was trying to get away from her, but was backed into a corner. A security officer had just wandered over and was starting to get on his walkie talkie. I went over and claimed him. The lady claimed he was trying to get on the elevator with her, but since she had a stroller with her, he would've just been holding the elevator door open for her. He knows that if you put your hand in front of the door, it won't close. So he holds the door for people so it won't try to close on them. He seems to have invented the position of "Elevator Greeter". We left and I decided to look for some sort of info tag to pin my phone number on his shirt incase he gets lost so they can call me. I'm still working on that. Since he's obsessed with tape, I can't just stick a sticker on his shirt. I'm thinking a pin, but I'll have to make one since I couldn't find anything like that.

The next day (friday) we went to the Children's clinic for Tyler's labs. Dawson was screaming about being stuck in the room. He wanted to play PacMan in the waiting room/playroom around the corner. It's very closed off and his nurse said they have siblings stay out there all the time. So she let him go out there and told the desk ladies that he would be playing, so they could watch to make sure he doesn't go out the door. He was nicely playing with things when someone wondered who's child it was and called security. The nurses say they have no clue why because kids play there all the time. They must've missed the memo. So they explained when the security officer came that it was a misunderstanding, but the guy had to make a report since he got a call and he has to record everything he gets calls on.

The next day (saturday), we went shopping. I rarely go to Toys R Us, but they have things that other stores don't, so I like seeing what they have. Dawson spotted a gumball machine by the exit door. There's a gumball machine on a kid website we go to, so he thought that was neat. He found a small gumball machine that he wanted me to get, but since he can't have them, I didn't get it. He was getting hooked on different toys throughout the store, it was a bit tough to keep him going. We passed the registers to go look at movies and suddenly he ran into the short aisle behind us and was gone. I looked down every aisle over there. I looked at the gumball machine by the door, the toy aisles that he was interested in before. The store is pretty easy to just see all the way across, but I couldn't see him anywhere. After scanning the aisles all the way across the store, I told the first employee I saw, who got on her walkie talkie and called a code Adam. I was impressed at how fast he was found. Employees all over walked the aisles and all over. They went and stood by each door and he was found within 30 seconds, standing by the door, just around the corner by the gumball machine. I had even looked over there! I was just relieved he was found. I told him the time before that he would have to sit in the stroller if he can't stay by me. He was shocked to find out that even with Tyler and Gabriel in the stroller, I still found a seat for him! I took Gabriel's carseat out of the stroller and put Dawson in there. He wasn't happy, but he seemed to know he'd earned that one, so he didn't complain much.

I looked online and found some things, like a locating beeper you can attach to the child so you can find them and other things like that. It's frustrating because he's sometimes very good, but then we'll have a bad day or week. I think this hot weather is definitely affecting everyone's mood also. Plus he was taken from his hospital schedule and taken home, which is great for some, but took him a bit to adjust back to. It's hard trying to juggle both Dawson and Tyler's needs. They both need 100% of me right now and I just don't have a clone! Dawson has become pretty clingy again. Being with my cousin, volunteers and other places is helpful, but it doesn't get him that quality mommy time that he wants.

I'm looking into some Autism behavioral therapy for him. It's supposed to help a lot and address many of the problems we've been having. I think speech will help, some bit of normalcy and something just for him. He liked therapy when he had it at home, so hopefully he'll do well at Children's too. I've also requested a Psychology appointment to talk about our situation and get some tips on how to help Dawson through the process.

Birthday pics!

 Tyler having fun at the table

  Gabriel smiling at Great Grandma

Looking back at pics....

 Dawson as a newborn

 1 year

 2 years

 3 years

4 years