Thankfully that morning went pretty well, he can be a bit pokey in the morning. He was so excited for school, I could barely get him to hold still for a picture!
I then went to Target for a gift for my mom, and also got my cookware set, then headed to the card section. Mistake #2. When already emotional, never walk into the card section!! But it's just a birthday card, a happy "yay you're still getting old and are so awesome" card for my mom, right? No. The first one I picked up was all mushy and said "thank you mom for preparing me for a bright future". Well crap, there goes the waterworks, and again there are people staring. Thankfully it was not as bad and got under control quickly. I'm getting better at it, deep breathing, shaking myself off, plastering that fake smile on my face, and wondering if anyone else can see past it. I thought maybe this would get better over time, but really, nothing has changed. Some days are fine, sometimes I can go a whole day without crying. Other days it seems the whole day just eats me up.
I saw this picture on Rockstar Ronan's blog (http://rockstarronan.com/) and it's so fitting. Taylor Swift worked with Ronan's mom and they wrote this song about her son, who died from Neuroblastoma, the day before his 4th birthday. It's a very touching song and I can relate to it so much. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvN7BOAQn9I
When I'm especially missing Tyler, it helps to put pictures of him on my facebook and my blog. It helps, especially when everyone has been so nice about it. I always worry that people will get tired of me posting pics, and going on and on about him on facebook, but I need to, and it's not about to end soon, so if anyone is annoyed, you know where the delete button is.
The first week of September is not only about school, but it is a harsh reminder of Tyler's transplant. The 6th was the day we moved into UofM hospital. Tyler was in a pretty good mood that day, and happily ate his lunch and enjoyed the awesome view of cars on the street below.
- Kids get 10x the dose of adults because kid's cancer is much more agressive. There are also childhood cancers that adults do not get, they are only found in kids. Those cancers have a very poor survival rate because there are no "hand-me-downs" for it, and little research money.
- Relay for Life - NOT very supportive to childhood cancer!! 80% of their donations goes to pay their CEOs and only 1 penny out of every dollar goes to the kids. They just like using us for our adorable advertising opportunities.
- Every Day, 47 kids are diagnosed with cancer, and 7 kids die. Every Single Day.
- It is the #1 disease killer of children.
If you want to donate, www.curesearch.com is the most trusted research organization for childhood cancer. They have all Tyler's records and they only focus on kids and research, not their CEOs. I don't trust many other places, as far as research donations go. Some smaller organizations just give to them anyway, so I'd rather just do it direct. CureSearch works directly with Children's Hospital, St. Judes and all the big places!
Tyler has become a popular little boy lately! He is on many awareness posters, some from the US and some in other countries! Here's a few of them. He's on this website www.brennansbuddies.org and their poster.
He's on the right side of this one.
Who knew I'd end up with a poster child. I'd really just rather have him back and watch him color on my walls, make huge messes, throw big tantrums and be a kid.
I think this one, it's so true.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/janefiemeyer Seems like just yesterday it was me, attending my child's funeral, standing up there in front of 100 people, talking about his life. Completely numb to it all. I remember bits and pieces, but I hope nobody is counting on me remembering anything they said.