Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Record Low

It's been a difficult week since I last posted. I sunk further down until I could barely function. I had a hard time getting out of bed, had no motivation to get off the couch either. I was doing the bare minimum and wasn't even eating much, I just had no appetite. My self esteem was sinking too. So I talked to some friends who lost their children also and they said it's very normal to need some help. Depression often sets in and it hard to get out of on your own. I talked to the Dr who gave me a questionaire and ended up giving me meds for it. I felt even more defeated, like I'd failed and given up. Thankfully my friends reminded me that accepting the help of meds is not a sign of failure, but a sign of being strong enough to accept help and do what's best for me, my kids and my family. So I try to think of that when I'm feeling down about it.

They told me it might take up to 2-4 weeks for the meds to fully kick in and do their job. I was feeling the difference in just a few days though. The bad thoughts went away and I started feeling more motivated, more alive. I'm thankful to know such caring people who were willing to share their experiences and help me out. Dr also says exercise is an important part of this. I've been working on weight loss anyway, so I now have one more reason to make sure to get that workout in each day. I do 30 minutes on the Wii Active game. It's actually quite a tiring workout, but it feels good getting it done.

On Friday I started potty training Dawson again. We had put it on hold until we had a more stable lifestyle again since he regressed while we were in the hospital. He's doing great! We went from diapers to underwear. He never cared if he was wet or not, he'd go all day being wet if I'd let him, so I was worried how it would go. He didn't like the leaky underwear though, and quickly learned that he needs to use the toilet to keep from making a mess. We're on Day 4 of potty training now and he's been dry the whole time he's at home, which was most of the day. We went to the mall with my sister and he didn't seem to care about the potty there. It will be a lot more work, but I'm happy with how far he's come just at home!

We are getting out of the house again. I helped a friend move on Saturday, which felt great both for the exercise and just helping someone makes a person feel good. I'm also hosting a Scensy party this friday at 6:30pm. Here's the event info if anyone is interested https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1074858544&ref=tn_tnmn#!/events/307024866007380/

These are pics from ECFE class on Thursday night. Dawson liked playing with the animal train. It was good to see them get out and have some fun.

 They love the ball pit
 When I told Dawson we were going to class, he said he wanted to swing with Gabriel. He did this every week with Tyler and it was their favorite thing. It was bittersweet doing this again. Dawson jumped right into it and started smooching on Gabriel for pictures. He likes seeing pictures right away after I take them, so he's pretty motivated to do things for pictures. Sometimes they are goofy faces, but he does some pretty cute stuff too! Gabriel loved being in there with Dawson too, he just cuddled right up to him.


Jodesly said...

Oh, Steph, my heart hurts for you reading this post. But you are doing so great for your boys just getting up each day and being the mom they need you to be. I can't believe how much Gabriel is looking like Tyler these days. I did a double take when I saw these pictures. I hope that seeing his face in his baby brother's is a comfort for you rather than a sorrow. I imagine it would be a little of both. Please know that you and your family are and have been in my prayers. Jodi (from Sunbabies and Wild Thing boards, theyoungpages.com/jodis_blog/)

Sue said...

Steph I'm so glad that you found the strength to ask for help and to get the medication that you need to make your life better. It isn't a sign of weakness. It's a chemical imbalance and actually a physical problem. People who have diabetes use insulin or medications. People who are depressed take antidepressants to get their brain chemicals back in order. With all that you have gone through and the length of your stress this is perfectly normal! It may actually take up to 6 weeks for the medication to reach it's peak level, but so glad that it is starting to work. If you need help with the weight loss and the exercise you know where to find me on iVIllage for help and encouragement. Hugs my friend! You are doing all the right things!

Jennifer said...

Everytime I read your blog I seem to cry! The pictures of Gabriel and Dawson are just priceless. It's great to see Dawson becoming so close to Gabriel. They will be best friends forever. My prayers are with your family.